dave_a_mbs
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Afterlife Knowledge Member
Posts: 1655
central california
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Hi DK- Obviously, you've created a great deal of interest on the forum, even though most of us are uncertain about just how to go about offering either solace or directly helpful ideas. I'm not going to be much use either, I suspect, but maybe I can add a little background that could suggest ways of attacking your situation. I'll try to organize my thoughts to specific topics.
The lack of "thinking" or "flow of thoughts" is characteristic of a person who has developed a high degree of meditative skill, in which they have learned to "turn off" the thinking mind. For most people, this is actually a normal state that is deliberately expanded in order to get the thinking process to quiet down, and as such it is a high level of yogic development. It seems that for you, this is a state that has spontaneously developed. That does not mean that it is either bad, nor good, but rather that you are going to have to learn to use your mind in a manner different from many of the rest of us. This can be examined more ...
From the mechanical perspective: If this were purely physiological or psychological it would be interpreted as either "schizoaffective" (meaning that it involves fragmented emotional impulses that act like noisy stumulii to cause random discomfort and anxiety, or as "autistic", meaning that it is an interruption of the normaly active channels of emotional interchange and emotional awareness of others. As a clinician, my suggestion is to notice that these labels are trying to carry an explanation of the feelings and experiences you have, and on that basis, they attempt to classify those experiences in a way that might suggest a useful treatment. Clinical experience generally suggests that people who are generally functional enough to communicate and handle their lives can be treated by some extremely simple techniques, such as dietary changes that eliminate everything to which there is an allergic, or micro-allergic response. "The Pulse Test" by Arthur Coca MD is an excellent resource in this regard. The purpose is to remove unnecessary stressors. That tends to make life more comfortable. At the same time, vitamins and minerals, including trace elements, usually help strengthen one's ability to ignore minor irritations, again making things a bit more comfortable. At the extreme end of this approach there are "antipsychotic drugs" which operate by numbing you, but they don't do much for what you experience, and I don't recommend them - at least not until that's the only remaining option.
The psycho-spiritual view: You seem to have internalized conflictive influences of some type. At this level, it makes little difference from whence they have come. They remain because perhaps you have opened yourself to them, or perhaps you were attacked and worn down by them. In either case the result is that these forces stick to your personal definitions of the situation in which you exist, and your definition of self, usually referenced back to the situation. When our ability to think includes a bunch of external impulses, it gets fuzzy and feels like it's out of control. At the same time, in the case that these intrusions carry the ability to refer to themselves constructively, they can propagate, rather like a computer virus, until their presence becomes self limiting. The sensation is of being "un-grounded" in the sense of not having a stable reference point against which to compare this kind of internal activity. That makes it difficult to separate the dream and reality (my interpretation of the "it's a cat" conflict).
This situation reminds me of the problem that many hippies used to get when they would overdose on a strong psychedelic. They would break free from their everyday ideas, which was their initial purpose, but then they would lack knowledge of how to reset their internal systems so as to recover groundedness. My guess (and admittedly it is a guess) is that this is at least a substantial part of your problem.
To recover groundedness should allow you to filter out the irrational from the rational in the sense of what parts of your internal experiences relate well to the everyday world, and what parts seem to be floating by, but without a direct material basis to anchor them. This leads to eventual rejection of the unsupported stuff and a recovery of a sense of solidity. (Again, this is based on my interpretation, and I might be missing the point. If so, I apologize.)
My usual suggestion to recover groundedness is to seek identification with the initial instant of creation, so that you can recognize that your existence emerged from voidness through the action of an infinite creative potentiality. That gives you a refuge - "I am No-Thing and No-Body" is the essential idea. Not being a "thing" you are ruled by matter. Not being a "body" you are free of bodily impositions. As emptiness your nature is the same potential creativity as that from which the rest of the universe emerged. This is a state logically prior to the forces that torment you. It cannot be reached by thought, which is what blocks most of us from going there to look, but your mind is already blanked out (assuming that I interpreted your post correctly), so it should be possible for you to settle into a posture of oneness with the initial voidness, and thus with the initial creative event. That brings you into accord with the Creator.
Once things can be paused while you literally are re-creating yourself, you will be able to notice what the various hooks and cues are that bring back the bothersome experiences. They will be of three general sorts, (a) a tendency to sense activities negatively, so that actions are resented, destructive or unpleasant; (b) a tendency toward non-logical associations that lead to states of delusion or confusion; (c) a sense of rejection, danger, hatred and rage by which the world seems to be alienated. As you sense each connection arising, it can be avoided by simply refusing to go there next time. Instead, (a) act joyfully because you are re-creating your own self; (b) be clear and logical, accepting nothing that is uncertain, or which does not arise from cause and effect linkages based on your own causal activities; (c) recognize that even the most deadly and hostile forces are also manifestations of the Creator, and thus are ultimately in total accord, so your position can eventually be reduced to one of misunderstod love.
This is not a "cure" - sorry. It is a strategy that is usually effective for druggies who complain of somewhat similar problems, and who still have a high degree of self control. Also, it is not an overnight solution, but a growth process.
I hope this is helps- PUL dave
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