This is the intro I use on several forums...it explains part of what happened during the download...

I’m an abductee and the experiences from what I can remember started back in 1993…but that’s not what I came here to talk about. What I wish to get more information on are experiences that started with me in 1998, experiences that amount to a form of psychic attack. The story is far too long and complicated so I’m going to skip a lot of details. The next two paragraphs are just descriptive arguments to give a metaphorical background of what has been happening to me, but please read it, even as simplistic as it may sound. It’s annoying but it was the only way I knew how to describe what was happening to me.

Besides the physical senses, thoughts and emotions are also senses of a sort that enable people to perceive reality. These mental and emotional senses are developed throughout your lifetime(s), and their use enables one to recognize that items in reality possess an assignable value. However, when things conflict in this perceptively linear existence, an individual cannot value everything at the same level of importance. Thus, valuable things are organized in an order of priority. Some things are considered low, petty, and inconsequential. This allows us to walk away from situations involving little things and allows us to place our attention on either medium level (normal life responsibilities) to high-level priorities (life and death emergencies requiring immediate attention).

Priorities are not assigned the same way each time because each situation is different depending on the context of the situation. I’ll use the old Philosophy example of being at a stop light with a No Turn on Red posting. It’s against the law to turn on red and during normal life when nothing else of equal or greater value is present to cause a conflict of interest, the law is given the highest priority. Let’s suppose an ambulance with lights flashing comes up behind you while you’re at the No Turn on Red stoplight. The context of the situation has changed with the introduction of a conflict of interest: the priority of the law versus the priority of a human life. Morality would dictate that you break the law and turn on red to get out of the way of the ambulance.

What has been happening to me is a kind of overwriting of the thoughts and senses. What you would normally associate with a situation is overwritten and a new thought or emotion is inserted, to a certain degree. What this successfully does is alter your sense of reality so the constantly changing context of reality is indiscernible (Imagine not being able to remember why it’s important to get out of the way of the ambulance…this is an extreme example, and the only way I can describe what has been happening to me. The only other example I can provide…imagine somebody taking over your sense of touch and every time you touched a hot radiator, they made it so you’re brain is saying the sensation is cold). Whoever is doing this seems to keep a person intact just enough so they can go about life, but attack on a level that deprives the target of an inability to interact correctly with life and cooperate and compromise appropriately with people. Suddenly, the people around you are treating you negatively because of how they perceive you, and you neither know why or how to change it. As people stop cooperating and compromising with you, your everyday life needs go unfulfilled and invalidated. Suddenly the little things become life and death and it causes the person to fall outside the protective social boundaries. The person becomes isolated and unable to function. This further puts them under the control of whoever is initiating the attack.

It's like you’re kidnapped off the street, removed from your support systems and locked away in the cell of a dungeon. The perp holding you walks through the cell door, brings in a dog, and asks you to identify the animal in front of you. You reply ”It's a dog.” The perp says, “No, it's a cat.” Well it sounds ridiculous, you know the animal in front of you is a dog and you begin to argue with the perp to prove your argument. But your thoughts and emotions aren't working correctly and you can't make the proper associations to support your argument. Instead you're feeling yourself flooded with thoughts and emotions that don't feel like yours and support your perp’s argument that the animal is a cat, not a dog. As this process continues you begin to feel your “sense of self” fragment (totally aware, no anesthesia). Suddenly, you find yourself in a situation where you know the animal is a dog, but you cannot remember the reasons why. Contradictions no longer exist or have meaning. At last you're so confused and broken you concede that the animal is a cat, just to make the pain of the self-disintegration stop. Then your perp says, “No it's not a cat, it's a duck.” By then there is a vague awareness of what is happening to you, but you can't remember why it was important to fight back, why your life had meaning, why you loved others or others loved you, why it was important to care, why it was important to cry. In the end, your emotions and thoughts possess neither value nor meaning, but your perp’s thoughts and emotions hold all the value and meaning, no compromise. Personal boundaries, contexts, all meaning, all value is whatever the perp defines.

I suffered like this for 5 years, barely staying alive, many times almost dying or taking my life. Finally, in 2003, somebody (positive greys and other higher help) got “tired of watching you suffer” (as the phrase was said to me repeatedly). I underwent what some in the UFO community refer to as a Data Download, a massive, uninterrupted, powerful channeling of information. Again, very long complicated story, I am only going to relate several key aspects that have me a tad concerned. Please understand that in fighting for my life for 5 years and thinking like I was going to die, I wasn’t really paying attention to current events, so treat me like someone who just got rescued from Gilligan’s Island and has absolutely no clue what is happening today.

It started out with me hearing the greys (I’m assuming positive energy greys) telling me a story about them…there were two main groups of greys, one positive and the other negative. The negative group came about in part as a result of some kind of negative entity (or “neg” for short as Robert Bruce would say). This neg acted as a virus and infected some of the greys (altering their moods and personality) by jumping from mind to mind. For whatever reason, it was hard for the positive greys to find out who was infected and who wasn’t. Meanwhile, the neg greys would go about unnoticed and assist in the further infection of the group mind (right terminology?). The positive greys, trying desperately to stop the spread of this neg, cut off the neg greys they had successfully identified from the group mind and quarantined them. However, the positive greys felt they could not just discard this group of infected greys (“they’re our people”). They took the quarantined greys and placed them in tubes (I was visually shown greys floating in these tubes). The infected grey was then removed from his body and placed into a new body and this freed the grey from the neg influence. But with problems identifying neg greys…the infection continued.

It was alluded to during the download that I was being attacked by these neg greys for whatever the reason. At one point during the download I was caught in the middle of an argument ensuing between the two polarized groups. I heard what sounded like some sort of threat made against contactees and then heard the positive greys insist, “We will never let you do to our contacts what you have done to us.”

Next thing I know, I’m being told (paraphrasing) “We’re going to take you several years into the future and show you what may happen.” I want to emphasize here that what was said to me is not set in stone. More likely I was presented with a set of absolute worst-case scenarios.

I was shown images of people I was told were contactees and they were suffering exactly what I had been through: sensory manipulation and channeling, sensory cloaking and deprivation, and self-fragmentation…it was ugly. There were “human helpers” assisting the neg greys and neg entity and they seemed hell bent on getting control over all the contactees. Contactees were followed, in some cases kidnapped, literally running for their lives. I listened in my head to three contactees being attacked in the manner I was. The first one was a male and reacted to the attacks in a belligerent, combative way, fighting as hard as he could. But I was shown as time passed how he got weaker and weaker until finally I could barely hear or feel him anymore. The second contactee was also male and this one tried desperately to get help for himself and others. But he was turned away repeatedly and shunned and that destroyed him faster than the attacks. He also over the passage of time grew lower and lower in energy until I could barely hear or feel him. The last contactee was a female and I tried talking to this spectre…all I could hear was this low, pathetic, dying whisper, “I can’t think anymore.”

The most bizarre thing that happened during the download was someone’s attempt to teach me how to channel. I should say here that not all the information I received during the download seemed to be from a positive source. Often there was clashing of positive and negative fighting to get through, and in this case, I think my attention was captured by something or someone negative. I felt an impression to sit down and close my eyes. Upon doing so, I was inundated with swirling 3D shapes and numerous background sounds, very confusing, very disorienting. I mentally reached out to touch one of the swirling 3D shapes and I heard a sharp, commanding reprimand, “NO!” This would happen time and time again to the point where I would finally give up. Some time later I was drawn back to do this again, so I sat down, shut my eyes, and back came the swirling 3D shapes and background sounds. Remembering what happened the last time I sat and did not attempt to try to reach out to one of the shapes. Suddenly, I felt a nudge to specifically touch one of the shapes. I reached out and touched it and (hard to remember or describe what happened next), it opened up and I heard a voice say, “Good that is what I wanted you to do.” After receiving the “praise” I was then presented with a question appearing in mid air and below were it floating flash cards with statements written on them. You know questions that ask things like, on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate this, I feel great, I feel fine, I feel awful. That’s what it was like, an incomplete floating question with multiple answers of varying degrees of intensity. I was nudged to circle the flash card that would be associated best with the question (I should add that as the questions were asked, I was “learning” through the questions that the appropriate answers were not based on my thoughts and feelings). I would mentally draw a circle around the flash card with the answer. When I did, the other flash cards would fall away and the one I chose would fall last….then rise back up again and shake up in down in a nodding yes fashion as if to confirm.

I am writing this particular episode because I am concerned about the way it was put across,…the movement, swirling shapes and noise, I couldn’t concentrate. Everything to overload your senses so you just shut down, but open enough to receive the nudge and feel the praise when selecting an option based on someone else’s thoughts and emotions (and boundaries). Like, good doggie, good obedient doggie. That’s how it came off. I eventually got tired of not being able to concentrate and left this unpleasant teacher behind.

Today I have hooked up with some people I am getting help from, but I am concerned because of what they have described encountering while providing assistance. They have encountered neg greys, tall (9-12ft) black robed entities, and human perps sitting in a chair and hooked up to a machine of some kind (the people helping me are individuals working alone and not part of a group. Each individual reported seeing the same odd thing). One of the people helping me has described the humans hooked up to the machines as acting as a sort of anchor for the negs involved to manifest their intentions in the physical. The human perps, with the assistance of the negs and the machine, form neg energy attachments in their targets which start in the spinal column and go as far as the will centers in the back of the neck (I was told I had such attachments when I was first getting help). There is also manipulation of the crown chakra, blocks of the third eye, and other forms of energy manipulation affecting flow (and in turn affecting thoughts and emotions). One individual giving assistance has expressed to me his shock at how far into the auric sheath my perps have gotten, basically, unwanted things coming and going through my aura as it pleases, unabated. Please note that the above is a very generalized interpretation of what has been seen by the people helping me.

There is so much more to all this, but this post is long enough. Has anyone heard of anything similar to this, or heard/seen human attackers hooked up to some kind of machine (and where are they coming from). One more thing (also from the download), has anybody heard of the grey leadership passing on to 5D?
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Just more stuff I have been posting with regards to what my perps have been doing to me,...in the event someone out there sees themself in me.

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When you stay perfectly still, you'll notice a flow to your thoughts. They drift to events past, present, what you may want to do in the future...usually the thoughts that pop up do so from some stimuli present around you (something reminding you of something, got it?). Part of what is happening to me is that there is no flow to the thoughts...like a block appears, and it's a very fake feeling. And I realize you can't know what I'm describing in terms of sensation because you would need some kind of reference standard to compare to, and you don't have any. All you can do is read my account here. My thoughts don't flow or drift to whatever the stimuli would normally have it associate to. Emotions work in a similar fashion and the same thing is happening. The emotions don't flow to whatever association it would normally go to. What IS happening is that I am flooded with emotions/thoughts that would NEVER be associated with whatever stimuli I am encountering (there is a feeling coming from my back, like my back is opened up). Like I said, putting a hand on the hot radiator (stimuli) and the message to the brain (associated thought) is "This is what cold feels like." You would never associate a cold sensation to an operating radiator. The experience is very artificial in feeling, but you don't understand for the life of you why this is happening and why you can't associate properly (that causes the most damage). You can’t walk away from a problem like this because the only way to do so is to completely dissociate from your senses…permanently. Doing that completely destroys the self.

How is all this playing out in my life? If someone does something to you that comes off as annoying, you feel the irritation for a bit then it washes off. The only way it can stay is if you hold onto and deliberately dwell on it. I've had experiences where someone will do something annoying and the sensation of irritation I experience is 100x larger than it should be without me providing any assistance (no logical reason or source for the amplified sensation). Normally to get past such a situation, one places their focus on something new to allow new stimuli to be experienced. This creates new mental/emotional sensations and associations that cause the old sensations and associations to pass and be replaced. That doesn't happen with me...the flow of new sensation halts and new associations cannot be made (memories of associations from previous, similar experiences are blocked and cannot be recalled). Instead of the irritation passing or being replaced when I try to place my focus on something else, the sensation of irritation stays. Then on top of it, I am flooded with over exaggerated thoughts and feelings promoting the 100x irritation sensation to extend even higher (again, no logical source of stimuli). There is no rest, and all this hell is done to me 24/7.

I push and sacrifice to get it done...and the second long post I have on disk so I don't have to expend energy retyping everything.

Thank you for your time, I should have known better.

Yeah, what recoverer says is excellent information to take in! I'll add on my two cents as well...

Once, you have a negative thought just use positive reinforcement.. Turn a negative thought into a positive thought by thinking about someone you love or God.. Ask God for guidance and your guides for guidance.. Always keep a positve outlook on everything. Realize God, light beings(angels), your spirit guides are always there to help you and are trying to get through to you! That is why you are looking for help because they are trying to show you that you are not alone and people can help you.. Also, because you have a positive outlook by the fact that you are thinking you can conquer this negative entity! That is why you are asking for help! Your guides are putting positive thoughts in your head! So, just realize good always conquers evil.. LOVE Is the key to win the battle!

I hope you don't think these entities are demons! Because they will grab ahold of you and create such beings in your mind.. Just remember there is no such thing as demons!!! They are projections from our fears! So, these things are not powerful at all... Only if you give them power like thinking they are like demonic gods are something like that..  Which they are not !! They are just like you and me only they are evil spirits that are immature and cynical!

I will pray for you okay!

I Am That I Am

I am that I am, I move upon the face of the waters, upon the Earth and within the heavens of the great cosmic universe.  My throne is the heart of the sun through which I manifest my power and give life and light unto my creations.  I am the beginning and the end.  I live in the hearts of all men and can be plucked as a ripe fruit to give knowledge and understanding to the children of my breath.  I am in the wind and rain, in the fire and the frost and all nature is my house wherein I dwell.  Come forth ye reapers and gather in the harvest of my knowledge that the sickness of men may be healed and they may turn again towards my loving embrace.

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This very thing has happened to me as well.  During one of my gateway exercises I felt a presense and heard somthing close to me.  Suddenly the idea of possession popped into my mind, and before I knew it I was in panic-mode.  I had such a feeling of dread, and thought I was being possessed.  However, I soon began to think.. This is all in my mind.  I cannot get possessed because I do not entertain the possibility of it occuring.  Nothing can possess me, I know this for a fact and therefore I am not being possessed.  As soon as I realized this, the frightening experience was over and I was good to go.



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I am very upset with this.  This is why so many people are god-fearing, rather than god-loving, god-understanding, and god-conscious.  This is a very primitive and fear provoking way of looking at god.  If you want to believe there is some big bad god man who sheds his wrath upon those who "misuse" their free will, that is fine, but I would encourage you not to share this view with others because it does nobody any good.  We need to get away from these false stereotypes, there is no love in them.  There is no love in confining and banishing and showing wrath.  It is rediculous that people worship a god figure who displays such hateful emotions.

Dark Knight wrote on Feb 20^th, 2007 at 9:03am:



Hello Knight:

Love will always win out over fear. It appears that you know this and that you are encouraging others near you to remember this. The more you do this, the stronger you each will become. Focus on the heart, on love, and you cannot go wrong.

love, blink

Caryn

What I was saying is that it is wrong to depict god as a vengeful being, for all this does is envoke fear into peoples hearts.  Not only is it morally wrong because it scares people, but it is also factually wrong.  First of all, if we are looking at god as a creative force, the source, then it is plain silly to think that this force displays vengence and anger towards anything.  These are human emotions.  Not emotions of a devine force.  Now if we are looking at god as the Christians see it... then this personified king of heaven or whatever you want to call him, is going to show vengance and anger? But I thought this god was all about love and forgiveness?  Thoughts and teachings about this god are very condradicting.  People will say one thing and then turn around and say another, and somehow seem to believe both sides without seeing their folly of logic.  So as I said before, if you choose to believe in this version of god, that is fine, but it is detrimental to young, fragile, or confused minds to fill their head with negative thoughts regarding god or the afterlife.  Especially when these thoughts are false.