Hi All!
I haven't been on the board for a while,. and missed it...it's one of the things I like to do now, to get my mind and soul kind of thinking along the same avenues...it's so easy to become distracted by the smaller pictures, so to speak, and hearing about the bigger one helps me to feel much more grounded and meaningful....if that makes sense..
Anyway Randy, your post struck me rather hard this afternoon..in a good way, b/c I really remember going through this kind of thing...and for long term periods of time,too. I mean it struck me in a good way,only b/c I finally understand more fully what was happening,at least in my own humble opinion and experience...I was brought up in a way...where I interpreted things in a way that made me very prone to more mischevious entities, or ones that were earthbound, prehaps, forgive the semantics...like when I read about the level states of out of body, I realised there were levels if you will, but still am not familiar with the numbers or what have you to them...but my feeling was that whatever the entities around me were...they had to at least be very fearful and confused and in great distress themselves, in order to project that kind of fear into anyone...and you're right,it IS a choice....I hate sounding trite, but "God helps those who help themselves" comes into mind...not in a punitive way...but in a free will kind of way, we decide when we've had enough, in a way.....though I hate to make it sound so "simple" b/c when I was inside of it, I felt like I was doomed forever, and the experiences were very sickening feeling in nature, and real, heavy weights on my chest in near sleep, the feeling that someone was trying to take residence in my sleeping body...the voices, often mocking and the overwhelming feelings once our own fear is triggered...it's tough to keep your "head"about you...and I remember calling on the name of Jesus, as some well-meaning people told me to do...and had a bit of success...and then it had no effect, and I was very hurt to hear, "Well, your faith is weak then...ect...etc" or that I must be wanting them to stay around...etc...and it shook up the foundations of my faith in anything...much less myself....and the entities harassing me at the time,loved that....that it took me very long to see the power, or solution was inside of me all along, in the place I had the least amount of faith in,at the time...lol....
I realise this can be a loaded topic...but I really know that feeling of being so....heavy and "down" for lengthy periods of time...and it's very real. I finally found, for myself, anyway, b/c it's the only one I can speak for...that the earthbound spirits, or beings deprived(self deprived almost surely) were really relying on my fear and despondency for "fuel"...or for energy..and that I was in fact, reinforcing their faulty beliefs of themselves and of myself, by being stuck in that cycle, of fear,dread, and fear again.......yuck...
I went through stages of terror,almost always around in some form..and then, believing my faith was too small, and trying to strengthen that...but always looking outside myself for the real help...and then I went into fighting mode...I fought, with some small successes, but it always came back, in new ways, having found all my weaknesses,and personal fear triggers...and found that fear and anger were similar, and that I was again, unintentionally "feeding" these negative feeling entities with my anger as well...as long as they had something to scare, or infuriate, they were reinforced...and I started feeling damned.....
My own story is obviously too long to fit in a neat nutshell here...lol...but one day I had the "realization" that started working for me,personally, and I was able to get back to my original states of being....and I was able to then really grow, be free to grow and learn, and experience things other than the illusions of fear and a kind of "hell" which to me was absence from the light,or truth, or love.Anyway....I suddenly had the thought,that whatever I wanted to call it,demons, devils, my own fear, lost souls...whatever I wanted to call them,if they were bent on making me believe they were evil, so be it...all I knew was that all life, everything, in my belief system....has been created from the same divine spark, or source....and in that case...they must be terribly lost, and terribly miserable themselves to be involved with these things...when they have an entire universe to explore,and their own growth they could be concerned with...etc..
Believe it or not...I started to feel sad for such beings..and I began to confront them, instead of hell vs. heaven,God vs.the Devil...and started to think, wow, what an unfortunate way to be....as I had always kind of looked forward to the time when I won't be bound by an earth body....and the more I bought into what they were trying to tell me, the more I realised it had to be their own beliefs holding them in such a place, b/c who would really pick suffering and being stuck in a narrow dark reality? And this is how I first started unofficially doing the things people call here as "retrievals"...without knowing better,I only made my mind up that no matter how terrifying or convincing they seemd to be...I would instead of "fighting" them "with God's love"....(it didn't fit that love and fighting would be compatible anyway)...lol...I would try to love them the best way I understood,and would focus and tell whatever I felt or saw around me that I knew the truth of who and what they really were...that they were no different than me, or anything(one) in existence, since we all came from the same divine spark,the center of us all, is a part of that,and therefore even if I didn't understand everything, or why they were what they were now...that in that case, I need to project love and healing towards beings like this,more so than almost any others, b/c they were so apart from their roots,and had obviously bought into a faulty belief system as well. I knew what that could do just in my earthly life now....and that's when everything changed for me.It wasn't always easy to do that, to try and embrace even, and I keep imagining the light in the very center of me as bright, clean, and healthy, and pouring out love, first starting this of by thinking off all the things I easily can love, like my kids,my dog, family...etc...and then worked on the art of loving...and incredibly,what was going on for years,stopped, or changed gears at least,and I was freed myself,from having to experience this oppressive energy when what I too wanted, was love.....
I realize this may either sound confusing or simplistic...but it was a major turning point for me...and I was so amazed when I found this site, and started reading about these things,and finding words for experiences...and also finding a very supportive group of people here to talk to..I'm adding alot of richness to my life by sharing things like this with others..and it was good to read your experience.....
I cannot say for sure, but I know with me, I am and always have been very senstive to the "unseen"...and I sometimes wondered, if these experiences I had, and got through... like with my spiritual searching.....were in a small part b/c of that....b/c the energies kind of displaced and looking for strength will be like moths to a flame; I bet to sensitives...b/c they can affect those who are so much better...and I cannot tell you how grateful I am to be out of those kinds of grips now....anyway...that's my long-winded two cents,and I hope to hear more from you in the future.....