At one point in the middle of the night I had this kind of epiphany, and felt as though I had been initiated into the rebirth cycle of reincarnation. I felt very happy about it and amazed. I had, right before I went to bed, a kind of odd memory of being a baseball player in my former life, a man who had devoted everything for a good score, he had put his life into his work and I kept seeing him pitch and then his calender and his teammates, I also was aware that he was playing in the time of the great depression because of the setting. They were poor but at that time things were just sort of blossoming for the world in a spirit sense, he put his entire soul into the game but at the end he realized it wasn't the scores that mattered- it was how you played the game and if you found yourself in the game, not gave yourself away I guess. And your teammates- to devote yourself to making sure your teammates survived and didn't fade from memory. He begins to stop loving the game because he can't bare the thought of losing and eventually quits- he can't bare the thought of dying and never getting to play baseball again.

This was before I went to sleep. He was really depressed about death. Then it's like I see one by one all of his friends get reincarnated but someone's missing, and one of the old teammates is left behind. They can't bare the thought that they've lost a teammate- and one by one they all quit or for some reason don't come back- maybe they're looking for him. Eventually he comes back but only after another member leaves- kind of like in the game. Maybe it kind of symbolizes life, and the life cycle. The calender is a constant representation of what they see as their daily life in the game of baseball. Then I had that kind of epiphany while I was half asleep, that I was initiated back into the flow and I would recycle and come back again. The man had thought a lot about death but to him it was  more about losing his game, losing his teammates or just losing the sport he loved most, he in a sense was the spirit of baseball to his teammates he was a really important player- it was kind of metaphorical, he came back- and in his second life he realized he had lived again- he was one of the few who first had realized they reincarnated or something like that but he couldn't enjoy the game because once again he was overcome with the thought of dying and never getting to pitch again- but this time it was so overwhelming he quit baseball in general...watching the scores on the scoreboard only depressed him because it reminded him more and more of death...he couldn't play anymore- he quit and grew old, then he got sick and couldnt play even if he wanted to.

That could have changed everything. Did he want to play again, knowing he couldn't play even if he wanted to? It took him awhile to finally realize something was wrong- he was sick and yet he still didn't want to play. The good outcome- He would have given anything to play again....he would have gotten better. The bad outcome- he still couldn't bare the thought of playing---he got sicker and sicker. It was almost as if I was watching the life story of all of these players in a new baseball league- probably an important one, that started during the great depression...but it was more of a metaphor that played out like a memory. I wonder if it may have something to do with beating depression and old age.
Maybe someone I know was a baseball player in their past life? Maybe we all have to play baseball if we want to live again...or maybe it's more of a metaphor of- in order to live life, you have to live life- you can't just quit because you know it could change, or you might lose your team someday- you just have to keep playing and you'll get better and better. Or maybe it's the part about how they played on through the great depression. They decided to set goals that they could achieve and kept their spirits alive by what began as just a game- but became a lifestyle.


At first I seriously felt like I was remembering a past life-

I just put what's been already said in my words:

I can relate to this psychological pattern, to better let my hand off from something what I love, because I know this something will change, it will not always be as it is now. The awareness that all is transient in the physical can be depressing. But there's another view on the same thing: To see change as the natural attribute of everything so that we don't get in the temptation to hold on to something as it is not possible, but what always remains is the flow, is the change itself, and that's our natural element in which we swim.

Another thing, there is this concept of soul groups, meaning we incarnate with others we already know from before our current lifetime (the team). I had some experiences in meditation that pointed out I had left, or distanced from my soul group through some incarnations and now I'm about to reunite with the others again.

Spooky