How would I go about finding a spiritual woman?I have a woman now,but she thinks Im nuts.She and I are so far apart.I cant do my spiritual stuff,because shes right on my back.I wish I could find somebody who understands me.George

George,

I'd say the easiest way would be to ask your higher self if the time is right. For it's up-to your higher self to organize a meeting. These things are so hard to work through, as the soul you maybe waiting for could still be locked into a lesson they need to complete. And there by are not ready to meet you. In fact when it comes to these things I'd just wait for it to happen, myself. The more you push the universe the longer the wait seems to be. But I know your frustration at wanting to join with that someone you really connect with.

I think we all have that desirer deep within, I'm not sure if the Buddhist are right, but they say when we incarnated at the first run, we where split into two cells one male one female and its only when each have reached the completion of there lessons here on earth that they shell be reunited. I believe thats what drives us to look for that perfect someone, who will understand us completely . Obviously there aren't many who have been even close to being with there other half but that doesn't stop us looking.

george stone wrote on Oct 24^th, 2006 at 11:53pm:


well, what spiritual stuff are you talking about then George? your story feels like a big contradiction to me......if you are as spiritual as you say, you would understand she isnt on your wave length and why.......if the two of you are so far apart.....why continue the relationship? why do you need a relationship at all? what ever is destined to come, will come......

I don't have a lady friend at the time, but I get what George is saying. A lot of women would think I'm nuts, when in fact I'm saner than I have ever been.

My feeling is that if a woman is going to accept me, she would have to accept my spirituality. I don't see how I could hide the most important part of my life from her.

Hi George-
The question, at least as I see it, is whether you desire a friend or a mate.

Friends are just like us, so that we all do the same things together. Friends are easy, agreeable, always sharing the same feelings as us, and dependebly stable. With our friends we are a "Me", and secure in it. But to try to build a life together with a friend is rather like trying to keep on being yourself as you change. Eventually there is no more glue to hold the friendship together when things get tough, and especially when we grow. Then we outgrow the old friends and slowly reevolve through a new group. People who try to marry their best friends often discover that they have made a mistake, just as if they married their own mirror image, or a photograph of themselves.

Spouses are complementary, and often lack some of the properties that we seek in our casual friends. In compensation, spouses bring complementarity. Where we lack, our spouses fill in, and we fill in where they have lacks. Thus, between self and spouse there is a whole being of higher order, an "Us", held together by trust, by sharing the burdens of life, and by love. There is no stability, because the life that is built leads to a continuation and elaboration of the complementarity. The essence is growth, development and evolution.

Friends bring us sugar, our spouses bring us spice.

When you look for a woman who is spiritual, or who loves other activities the way that you do, what you are seeking is fulfillment of an image. If there is someone who is otherwise loving, caring and truly interested, and she makes up for the lacks of your experiences and drives with hers, just as you make up for her deficiencies with your own strengths, then you have found a spiritual woman who is, at least at the moment, fully appropriate. The issue is what you mean by "spiritual" in that context. What could be more spiritual than to love with all your strength?

To hang out with friends is always safe. Non-eventful, but safe. To enter into a permanent (or semi-permanent) arrangement with an appropriate spouse type is going to be a roller coaster, but thrilling. Because of this, my advice to my grandchildren is to avoid marriage until they have decided that they want to ride the roller coaster, and that this specific person is the one with whom to ride it. Loving means allowing yourself to leave your comfort zone to face life in the raw.

I suspect that if you were to agree to set a little time apart in which to meditate - obviously not according to present habits in which your other half wants to go shopping, make love, wash the dishes, clean the house, paint the bedroom or whatever - then she would understand. This is the complementarity again, where you do the spiritual thing which makes up for her lack of skills in those areas. She, at the same time, probably has other habits that you totally lack interest in pursuing, in which she would invest her time.

As an example, my personal resolution of this is that I discovered that I have married a witch - meaning a pantheist who finds God in nature, in the trees and winds, and in communion with the animals. I do science and find energies and forces there, and I find God in abstract logical stuff and exotic experiences, or in meditation. I do psychotherapy, she does geriatric nursing (appropriate to both of us!) so between us we cover the field. She finds my ideas a bit bizarre, but is interested, and vice versa. She reads herself to sleep at night, so that's my time to meditate and study. The rest of the time, we live like all people do, trusting that the other actually understands, even if differently.

Were you to come to my clinical office I'd advise you to beware of falling in love with an imaginary woman's image projected onto whomever you are seeing, or even more dangerously, projected onto a friend. - I've tried it - it doesn't work.

That said, I wish you the best in discovering a suitable soul mate.
PUL
dave

I understand George's point in posting this.  If we are dating or married, and we start to experience and believe in the soul, the afterlife and then all the related issues such as karma, duality, love/PUL - if our mate does not understand this, they may be "stuck" in a dualistic mode of thinking, full of life's ups and downs, without getting the "bigger" picture.

Imagine the wife slamming the door on her husband because of an argument because of a fight or misunderstanding.  Would this have happened to a spiritually enlightened person?  Maybe, but I've found that the more "in tune" you are with spirituality and the golden rule, the quicker you want to set things right if they go wrong.  Emotions, especially negative emotions of fear, hatred, anger, depression are often a spiritual sign that we have taken a wrong turn.  Yet, in the Western world, they are not often interpreted that way.  Thus, people in the USA are encouraged to "express their anger," or divorce or separate to do what is right for themselves.  Often, I disagree with this conventional advice.

The idea of a soulmate here on earth who is aware of spirit/God/heaven, and consciousness sounds intoxicating to me.  If one has a husband or wife who doesn't understand this, then we work with them, and realize all we share in terms of love, children, family, and try to get them to see our understanding bit by bit. 

I like Dave's response.  I do understand why George posted the initial question, however, as a spiritually aware person wants to go through life with a mate of a like mind and not be dragged into the duality of the world, and rocky rollercoaster (as Dave nicely calls it) ride of blind individuality.

M

Here's another way to look at things.

Believing in spiritual things and having spiritual experiences doesn't mean that you have to act crazy.

As long as you act in a balanced and loving way, a person "should" be able to see that you're okay.

I find that I'm able to have perfectly normal conversations with people who aren't consciously spiritual.

George, I know you were close to your wife and missed her terribly when she transitioned. Ask her to send you a spiritual woman who will help fulfill your needs for a spiritual partner.  Or ask your guidance.

Love, Mairlyn