It's gotten so that when I don't come online,on the "days that are worse than others", that I miss coming here and reading,reflecting...etc. I really really am grateful for the great advice and resources...I'm a brainey(sp? how's that for irony?) girl...and love to read up about things esp. in my interests...though the interest category keeps on growing...lol...and I will be looking into everything suggested...a spritualist church...this is going to sound strange....but I've studied with and/or about almost every major religious/spritual circle I could get my hands on or into...went to many different places of worship, but never a spiritualist "church"...as I understand it...and perhaps this is just the time to check that out.And the meditation.....oh yes...that's something I miss...I was going to this place in Boston, a bit of a ride, but I loved the vedantist(Hindu) views and emphasis on meditation....except sometimes it takes a while to get...well...sometimes when I meditate (or in a shallow sleep) I might start to spontaneously come out of my body.Sometimes I wish I could do that completely at will, b/c it's truly a fact, we can travel outside these shells,and the experiences have been exhilarating, even if a bit out of my control.. except that esp. if I'm not actually asleep, I have a hard time controlling it, going out for a bit, being jerked roughly back into the body...sometimes if I allow myself to become fearful, it can be quite overwhelming...distracting...in a way...I would love to find some monk chants,and all kinds...chanting is sometimes or many times involved in these half in half out of body experiences...and if I concentrate on that, it's a quite wonderful experience, though I can never quite remember the chants after an hour or so of being totally "awake"...but have come out of that in a place that feels soooo good and can last for a long time. Actually, once I do remember that I heard the word/name "Shiva" over and over...and when I looked up 'Shiva" I found or started investigating the Hindu religion....it's great and awesome that there would be so many paths to the divine. And it would be greatly beneficial to be able to slow down and ground....even if I don't sleep that much,forever an insomniac, but more so now, I could at least meditate.Isn't it funny,how I'm sure that might occur to me to tell someone else to try,(so spooky, it's not at all boring to me, I needed to be reminded, b/c it's so hard for me to recognise what might be good for myself when I'm in need,the last to see the apple on my own head, so to speak)

Anyway, the kids are once again motivating me to get out of the house, and to the menial task of grocery shopping(I swear, it's the simple every day things that baffle me, that are the toughest, for some reason, but I'd go to hell and back if need be without too much of a thought) I really am glad to have run across this place..and I take to heart all the kind thoughts sent my way...I need to hear it,all of it...to be reminded of the truth, b/c it's so easy to get distracted...Hope to be back here real soon, take care all...