Vicky
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I think that you can't logically talk yourself out of feeling doubt. I think "without doubt" is an actual feeling and not just something you can talk yourself into. It's kind of like comparing the thought of happy feelings to actually feeling happiness. You know what I mean? Or for instance, I can think of a sad idea and think "oh how sad that is", but that's not the same as actually feeling utter sadness. Does that make sense? I think feeling no doubt is the same thing.
I remember the first retrieval I tried to do that worked, and I did it because I was standing in my office at home and the thought went through my head to just sit and try to do a retrieval because it will work. I wasn't even thinking about retrievals at the moment, but when that thought went through my head, I had absolutely no doubt in my mind at all that it would work. And boy was I ever shocked when it did work. What I want to know is, how did I have that absolutely-no-doubt-in-my-mind feeling? How did I come up with that thought? I can remember the feeling of it. I remember exactly what that feeling feels like, the feeling of absolute sureness.
But what I can't seem to wrap my mind around is how in the world did I tell myself that that moment was a good time to just give it a try? I wasn't thinking about retrievals, wasn't wishing I could do one, wasn't tossing it around in my head or anything. I mean, the thought was indeed my own thought, but how did I just happen to think that and know that it would work at that moment when at other times I tried and got nothing?
Is that what intent without doubt is? Why can't I just reproduce that again? It's like, you can't just logically tell yourself to not feel doubt. You have to actually be without doubt, and trying to convince yourself of it only seems to get in the way.
I've tried to reproduce the same technique but it doesn't work. It's almost as if I need to sort of trick myself into it or else I will just know that I'm only trying to re-create that moment and I'll know I'm trying to act like I have no doubt. The only way I can figure out how to create it again is if I catch myself off guard and think that thought without me knowing I'm thinking it. See how nutty that sounds? But that's the only way I can figure out to get away from the whole doubt bit.
What I can compare it to is those times when I've had any kind of ESP. I can't explain how I get the ESP, and I can't explain how it works or what I did to make the ESP "feeling" happen, but when it does happen I absolutely know without a doubt that I am having another ESP experience. Then, when the ESP comes true, it's just another confirmation that that feeling was indeed another ESP episode. I keep telling myself that if I can just figure out how to get to the feeling of ESP step-by-step, then I can experience ESP whenever I want it and not just spontaneously. But the point is to get myself to that feeling again, to actually feel it.
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