Premonitions

    Some people say that before someone is about to die...(usually 6 months before hand).....Thier behavior starts changing and they start giving thier loved ones clues about things to come. Approximatley 6 months before my boyfriend had died I remember that there were some noticable changes. He quit talking about suicide......he cut down on the drinking and he was starting to turn his life around........One significant thing I remember.......Every movie we watched seemed to revolve around death...(I know most movies these days are violent!) But specificlly...the afterlife......He introduced me to the T.V. series on HBO "6 Feet Under"....the characters and plots revolve around death....one of the characters works in a morge and the deceased persons lying in the morge have conversations with him......We watched a movie about this doctors wife who dies.....his patients (chilldren) send him messages from his deceased wife and his coworkers start to think he is losing his mind....Some movie with Richard Gere.....I think it was "The Moth Chronicles"....same idea....his dead wife"appears"....and then that Stephen King Movie..."The Stand"....point being....DEATH...DEATH...DEATH...Was he trying to prepare me??????

He never got along with his brother.....despised him! On his birthday (date of death), he called me to inform me his brother and he had made ammends and they were hugging and being mushy........Clearing emotional baggage or tying up loose ends????

On the eve of his birthday he had bought me a birthday present..........

I had read his diary after his death and it sent chills through my soul....the entire journal was filled with double meanings and premonitions of things to come.......One entry in perticular
........"This Pats gotta go .....he should have been gone along time ago.....his roots never planted....his seeds never spread......This Pat is tired of living his story...so many things have changed yet they remain the same".....He then goes on to say..."I have to break the mold and reshape my reason for being" ...(perhaps he was referring to riencarnation????)........"This Pat is going....he is going tomorrow....gone for good...But dont worry he'll be ok....he'll be back"......See what I mean?????  It's like he knew it was coming......He spoke in his diary of feeling "entities" around him...he said he knew he had to go and his time was coming....It was his last ....last.....chance.......

The psychic I saw a month after his death informed me that his death was preordained.....He was not meant to live long in this world and he was always meant to put himself in a position of peril.......And yet how it happened wasnt in the script...(accidental overdose).....We had planned on meeting in this life prior to coming down....However....he left earlier then he should have......

His whole diary tells a story......there are many references to me ...(i believe)....before he had actually even met me .....he described my characteristics....he had always been searching for me......I was part of his story............He spoke of how his freedom eludes him and he will not have it till he finds HER....(then he crosses out "her" and writes "it"...his whole diary was filled with double meanings like that)....He was looking for that girl...the one that a man would have to search 3 lifetimes to find.....He believed that she would be his pillar of strength and she would be all that he would need to change his life and escape his addiction......He was my lesson as I was his........He felt she would bring him freedom from his pain and self hatred.......He found her and he became addicted to HER.........So many things had changed yet they remained the same.....it was his last ....last....last....chance.............................................

I was the ending to his story.......Hopefully there will be a sequell!!!