Hi people,

today I was walking through my hometown and thought would be time again to have an experience about me, my personality, in meditation, a sort of discovery.

So some hours later I laid myself down on my bed, had forgotten my earlier thoughts, and tried to relax and phase out. I just had in mind to be very spary with imagination, and mostly be receptive, only look what's coming, and if nothing would come, maybe a little imagination push, only if it's necessary.

I began with observing my body feeling. Then, without much focusing, very quick, I felt this fresh soft wind at my feet and legs, which to me is a sign I'm in a different consciousness state.

I saw a face in front of me (my eyes closed); it was unknown to me, but familiar, like I had seen this face somewhere, or as if it was put together of some people's faces I've known. Must be a guide I thought, a decent smile but though earnest. I remembered a bit of what I thought of before, so I understood his appearance as invitation to take me somewhere and show me something, I gave him my left hand and he led me.

Then was the point of "we are there". I saw nothing so I let my imagination a bit free, and after some trials a landscape fitted best I found. So, what landscape? A wide field of, maybe wheat, seen from above. When I moved closer, it was corn (maize). The guide and me were standing on a little hill, and he (and I myself) let me take time to perceive the surrounding. I felt, there was something in my back, a building. I had to know what it was, but I didn't like to turn around and look, but finally I did. It was a poor, very little wooden house with a veranda, inmidst the corn field.

When I looked at it, I became sick, my stomach really made problems. I got myself together and observed. A young boy, between 6 and 12 years old, came running out of the house. Then a man came out running too, he reached the boy, grabbed him in his middle, and threw him with his head against the veranda pole. The boy then fell down and didn't move. I knew when I saw the boy running out the house something bad was going to happen. I felt the boy has very much to do with me. When I saw him lying there, I was almost sure he was me. The man, which I saw as the boy's father, went back into the house. I wanted to go to the boy, thought now maybe a retrieval has to be done, but the guide said: "Wait, stay and observe". The boy wasn't dead, I thought he was, but he was moving again. I caught his thoughts. He had made a decision. He would run away forever. This time he finally would do it. He was sure. He was somehow relieved, he had no doubts, this was too much, now he would run away.

Then the father came out again, with a rifle, he was going to hunt in the forest behind the corn field. He said something like: "When I'm back, I want to see everything in proper order here!". Briefly, the mother of the boy was looking out of the door, and went back in. My impression of her was, she too was only half aware like the boy, as if she was mental ill, or drunk, or injured.

When his father was on his way to hunt in the forest, the boy slowly stood up, then started to walk, but was hardly able to go, he staggered, fell often on his knees, moved on feet and hands but came forward despite of his shape. He had one thought, this iron will to leave this place, and mainly his father, forever.

I sensed he was very sparse clothed, shirt and pants, made of a very thin stuff, I felt it like on my own skin, it felt good, so light, and I could feel the warm wind through the stuff.

The boy staggered forward, to the woods, but in another direction than his father, he knew where his father would hunt and he moved in the other direction. He knew he had nothing to eat carrying with him, but thought that it didn't matter so much, he would make it some days without to eat, more important was water, but in the woods there was a little river and he would follow the river so he would have water to drink. I still felt the sickness, but now it was almost covered by tremendous headaches which started. I know I felt like the boy felt and distanced myself from the pain. At one point in a path through the corn field he fell down and didn't move. I "saw" his thoughts, or better to say, his one thought squirming around his head, move on, further and further, away. But his body didn't move anymore. He lay face down on the path. "Now watch this" the guide said to me. The second body of the boy moved outside the physical body, firstly it tried to make the physical body move too, but then it moved free, and the boy, now in his second (or astral, or how to call it) body, was continueing his escaping from his father. Now my retrieval incstincts again were ringing, and the guide didn't hold me back this time.

I intended to look like a strong man, with a rifle, a hunter too, to look like I could protect the boy, but also to appear as a real trustworthy good guy. I placed myself then deeper in the forest where I knew the boy would come along. We then met, he stood in a distance but seemed to trust me. I said: "I don't care much what has happened, for now it's important that you have shelter and someone to look after you, so come with me if you like. We then walked on a path in the woods and I sent infos to the helpers what I'm doing and that they should help me to take him to the right place, to make this path a path to the boy's new home. Then a clearing appeared, the way went a bit down and some little houses were there. We went into one, and it was like I knew everybody there, or it was just the retrieval piece we did. At first, we decided, the boy had to take a bath, and to treat his wounds. The surrounding shifted somehow, houses remained, but all became brighter. Then I had to face to do with the boy, as I felt he belonged to me. He stood in front of me, and I realized he wouldn't grow up. He lacks something. He wouldn't become an adult. I then saw how he saw me: On the one hand I was his new stepfather, his saviour, but on the other hand I was in his way, because he wanted to be me! I just had no idea what to do, I didn't felt like embracing and melting, so I thought to just let him be me if he wants so. Then the scene faded, and it felt as this was it. This was the solution. I had no special feeling, therefore I thought: "It is like this is just a memory, as if this has happened already, some time ago." I agreed with myself, yes, it already had happened in the past.

Then the father of the boy came on my mind, and I went back to the hut in the corn field. I saw him again when he left the house for hunting, but now from his view. My observation point was a foot above his head and a bit in his back. He looked briefly at the boy and went on, thinking: "My wife doesn't like me. My boy doesn't accept me. They are making everyday to a real hell for me, every day. I gave them just what they are giving to me all the time. I haven't done wrong." He was full of hate, disappointment and sadness. I realized when I caught his thoughts, I wasn't not only the boy, but I was his father too! That hit me. How is this possible, and what is this at all? I asked the guide to go to my special place to have little conversation about that, and we went.

Couldn't make out which of my guides were there, but there were some. I tried to figure out who this guide was whose face I saw at the beginning or this session, and who guided me through it, and it seemed as if he was one of my familiar guides, he just made his face look older. I asked: "Was this about real past lifes of mine?" And immediately get that this question was off-topic. They let me know: "The main thing is, to see that these enemies (the boy and his father) are one, and that they were fighting against themselves. This is to behold, it happens everyday. Be aware of it. As we told you previously, your experiences will make us able to re-interprete the other experiences we have gathered, or to see them in a new light; this is a new perspective, and we need one with this perspective to be in an earth's life. I imaginated the boy and his father within me, the boy left, the father right, and gave this knowledge to them, that they are aspects of the one whole. I said then: "But...but...what's with you, and the other persons of my "bigger self"...are you too mere fictions, aspects which are one?" They said: "There are traits, or parts, that belong together as one person, but which separates and fighting each other, imagining they are own persons, but they aren't and they need to reunite again." I said: "I feel like I return now. May I?" They: "Oh yes, and you will remember it all."

Spooky

Spooky, thank you so much for sharing this incredibly heart touching experience with us. It is very mind expanding. It's............ I really don't have words for it. It's wonderful how we learn from each other. Bless you dear soul.

With Love, Mairlyn

Quote:


Dear Cosmic_Ambitions, you're more than welcome; and yes, it's such a wonderful, powerfully loving book, perhaps one of the most loving books ever written... you can read more excerpts from this (now unfortunately out-of-print) book, here :

http://infinity.usanethosting.com/Heart.Of.God/LilyFairchilde/index.htm

Thanks Spooky and Kyo.

Thank you for sharing Spooky.

Hello again,
first I want to add a detail to my story:
When I left the boy, or "let him be me", and came back to the house and the father, I asked how the father would end up. I then saw him laying on his bed and he shot himself with his rifle.

I try to pretend to be a psychoanalyst and interprete it that way:

Between the age of 6 to 12 a child realises it will become adult, be able to live a life on it's own, just like the parents do. This realization turns the world upside down for the child and the difficult period of puberty starts. It is, generalized, a period of big change and, litterally and psychely, growth.

We can read my story as a story of change, challenge and emancipation.
I as the boy had realized that it is time to do a new step, to leave the old behind, the harmful limiting factors represented by the father.
He came to this decision but only through a very painful traumatic incident, which is usual in major changes, you never leave a cozy place until something happens. So he started to go away, to something new, represented by the forest, the dark unknown (it's hard to see through the thick vegetation), away from the corn field, a familiar, human-cultivated place providing easy to get food, and also easy to oversee. But he knows the forest provides more, he knows it because his father (the adult) goes hunting in the forest, so he has to go to the same place, though on his own, in the other direction. There is no place here in the old familiar for the two of them. He has to become adult.
So he moved on. But he cannot stay the same little boy when entering the new world of the adult. He has to leave the little boy behind (the separation from the boy's body).
He is confident, because he felt he has learnt enough to make it. He knows he has to follow the river, to have water to drink, the source of life. He then would meet one who gives him food and teaches him to hunt. He just wouldn't tell the embarassing story of his childhood because that is gone and not appropriate in the company of men to tell about been beaten in the childhood, if he wants to be accepted as a man.

On the other hand, the father. He had also realized a change is coming, and couldn't handle that. As violent-powerful he appeared, as dependant he was on his family. His role as father had ended but he doesn't have another role left to play, so he even deluded himself as he commanded everything has to be in order (again) when he would come back. But it was too late, his role had ended. So, he shot himself.

Now me, as the observer and the owner of both this aspects, comes into active play. I awaited the once-was-a-boy aspect in the forest, the man's hunting world, as a strong man, and as a hunter, just like his father was. It turned out then I wasn't only a helper for the once-boy, he actually was me, he had to be me. He finally took his father's role.

Both, the boy and the father vanished. Then the boy became me when I was a strong hunter, like his father. It is, to me, obviously these opponents needed each other, they destroy each other, melt, and reproduce themselves.

My lection now was, to become aware of the nature of roles/aspects, their changing, their evolution. I was both of them, means this is not about the person of my physical father nor about me as a person when I was a boy in specific, but generally about structures that are independent of the actual persons who are in the play. When I realize, it's not about special persons, but about roles in this structure, I would be able to separate the persons and the structures they are in. ("structures" can mean also the total self) This is going to provide a greater efficiency in handling personal changes, to see persons and their meaning to me more clearly.

Finally, we have the viewpoint of the enclosing whole, which is the space where these roles are taken and played out. It is, on one level me, on a higher level the total self where I as the actual person, am just one role also, on what level I'll play, that depends on how aware I can get of the total self.
But now I guess we go beyond psychoanalysis...

Also, classic psychoanalysis would usually not deal with past lifes and aspects of self in the way retrievers would handle it. I find it interesting to see a meeting of the psychonalysts' means of exploring the human mind and the ones of retrievers/explorers. I think both views could be true at the same time.

Spooky

Hi Spooky,

I'd like to add my thank you to you, too.  Your story or as Alysia calls it... soul journey touches my heart deeply.

Love and blessings to you.

Kathy

I think along the same lines as the below, but sometimes I wonder what I add to my group/disc. With the guidance I receive and the things they are able to do, it sures seems like they're wiser than me.


[quote author=spooky2
Spooky said:

Hi Betson, thanks for the response! You asked:
"So the helpers are learning also from some humans' experiences?"
Of course they do, at least in my case. I see my helpers as persons from my higher self, they even introduced themselves as such. That means, they are involved with what I experience here on earth, cause it has an effect on them, and on the entire higher self. When the experiences of an incarnated part are "uploaded" (which I guess this is constantly happening) these experiences are processed together with the already gathered experiences, until a sort of stability is reached. It may happen, as it seems to be in my case, that one new information can cause great re-formations in the entire bubble. I think this is appropriate to illustrate it with a belief-system crash. One experience can cause a breakdown of a whole system because, for example, several beliefs turn out to be not useful in the current situation, or not in touch with an experience or it comes to awareness that several beliefs are contradicting each other etc. and then some beliefs would break up, their parts would form new beliefs of maybe totally different kind, and other beliefs would be not touched. Or, imagine you look back at a situation of your life. It may frequently happen that you find suddenly a great new meaning in it, which was formerly appearing as meaningless. Sometimes you may notice there are types of experiences which could be summarized under a higher-level experience, through which those single experiences would shine in a new light.

Spooky [/quote]