mom used to say proudly "I was a queen in another life." but you see she's always been an unbelievable person to me so I thought it was her ego talking.

I was born the 3rd child out of her 4. she had been messing around with the son of a Russian immigrant in an adulterous affair, and I saw my opportunity as a soul to slip into her life when sperm and ovum met by what she considered a mistake. abortion was hard to attain back in 1946. on a forgotten level we had agreed to our drama to play out. I loved mother.

Could never figure out why she hated me until I saw our other lives and how history seems to repeat itself.
as I said, I certainly could never picture this very strange woman to have been a queen.

I learned how to set an intention by simply thinking about things..deeply...I wondered, could she be right to say she had been this or that in another time? and another thing...the fact that I was a bastard child could not be the limit of her dislike for me, could it? my question to life was, what part had I played that I would return and be treated so poorly, while her other children enjoyed an intimacy with her which i would never attain?  when viewing a life within the mind, either with hypnosis or your own self induced altered state, you have a knowing which arrives with the pictures you see. Suddenly, everything makes sense about the life you are living now, in conjunction with another person who was you and who came back to make things right.

I saw the images one after another, as my intention was to know what I had done wrong if anything. I admitted the "possibility" she hated me for unseen reasons of which may have been my fault. when u open your mind to "possibility" be prepared to view yourself as you might have been, and to view your evolvement from your error which gladdens you in the end.   ok. heres the images. short white skirt uniforms, for all. I was the speaker for the slaves. she was in power. I was also her trusted aide. Rome? Greece? I don't know and don't care.  over years of time it seemed I became passionate to alleviate suffering in the slaves. over these same years mother would make vain promises to serve us and free us to self rule. This was not to be, but I believed in something not unlike democracy. it just wasn't time for that. I was trusting her like all of us did. we were like children mentality. I thought my suggestions to her were listened to. One day I just snapped. I snuck up behind her knife in hand and assassinated what I loved, for even as I did the deed to free us from these lies from her which I seen as keeping us in bondage to slavery, I wished I had not given into this impulse. I betrayed her trust, yet first I felt bitterly betrayed by the lies that built up over the years. it seemed she had only been placating me in my reguests for food and shelter or whatever the slaves needed. I was strung up immediately, for as it turned out the slaves were happy to be slaves and to continue with the false hopes that things would get better for them. I knew conditions would stay the same.
I also saw breifly an alternative reality where she finally came through for us, but these were other selves doing that drama.
so I was born this other person now who knew not of past affiliation with her. as soon as I was old enough to understand english, mother said I was "sneaky."
thought that was peculiar when my guides had instilled in me the value of honesty. I even told others secrets I was not supposed to be so honest about until told to be quiet. so as a way of retribution to pay mother back for the guilt I carried, (before I knew of this past life) I helped her cure her cancer. by doing this I gave back to her the number of years of life I had stolen before. but still the karma was not cleared until I "died."
the part of me who was in the daughter role in this life died and floated into the astral. just like a real death.

I evolved by seeing who I was before. I saw how the soul plays many roles in life after life and I had needed to gain mother's forgiveness. instead of forgiving me, she rejected throughout life my overtures. finally after 20 years of silence she came to live with me. she said her mother was her guide now. Nanny is my grandmother. she said she had a feeling we were to work on our relationship. so we worked on it for 3 years. one day she said "I didn't treat you right."
by that time I'd had the past life images, but I was not going to tell her what happened and that she had been a ruler back then. I wasn't sure she could handle the info. what was important was we had come together for closure of all karmic ties and to do that it became necessary for the daughter in this life to die.

it was cool though, because when I died I became a better retriever, to know how a spirit feels when it's floating around dissociated and not belonging anywhere. its lonely out there. while in the death state I was taken up into something DP calls rapture and taken to an astral version of this board we are on now.

so thats my story and I'm sticking to it. I did evolve; I am not impulsive, I'm still a passionate person but have grown to the point where I know killing is not the answer to any question, no matter who is suffering what. the minute you kill another, or any type of injury to another you are forever bonded to them and need their forgiveness to continue to evolve. Mother was also born with the need to forgive her trespassers; we would never be close, but we forgave each other and sometimes we smile at each other out in the astral, so all is well.  hugs, alysia

lol, hi vicky

it was a real death experience although it was out of body also. I think my higher self wished to show me how mother felt to be taken out so I would understand how wrong it was to kill and then just have to return and undo your error. in that other life mother was the same as she was in this life; same good and not so good qualities; she always said you take the good with the bad. as her aide, she was like my study. she ignored me in both lives. I felt like a non-entity.
from that observation I concluded the worst evil in the world is to be ignored. when I died I became a non-entity as well. I was ignored by those who I was trying to join. I was a ghost. then the rapture happened.
I conluded that relationships are entities that take a form. it is this form which was experiecing genuine death and rebirth later.
I considered it was more than an NDE, as the next morning I woke up in a motel room (curiously, we were driving mother back to her other children) and when I opened my eyes I was wondering where I was because I knew I had just died. I was sooo happy, I still yet had a life to live!
got out of bed and took mother to have coffee. she was now 83 and still raising hell for one as old as her. as we sat there I caught a flash of her as she was back then, haughty, proud with the bearing you would expect from a ruler.
about the cancer....one day when I was about 30, I prowled a bookstore. a voice said to buy a cancer cure book, the Gerston Therapy. why I asked. I only buy metaphysical books. just buy it. you will need it someday. I said all right, but I doubt I will need this.
after this I forgot about the book. mother came over. mother never visited me. she was coming to say goodbye as deep inside her, she knew she was dying. she had been going to see doctors and they gave her 3 months to live. cancer had spread to lymph glands and liver. next on the agenda I was informed was exploratory surgery scheduled in the morn. first I'd heard of all this, so right away I know she's saying goodbye but doesn't want to come and say the words. she had one of those mona lisa smiles on her face too.

I grew alarmed even tho we weren't close. I came into this life as well with a distrust of not only religion, but our medical society. so in my soul I knew she was to be presented another outlook on her illness and in this way I was to be of service to her by presenting the book. I literally flew off the couch to retrieve it, thinking oh thats why I bought that thing! before I gave her the book I saw her dying on the table the next morn which it was ok if she realized this would happen..I had been put back into position for a moment as her trusted aide, like I must have been in that other life. I was maybe a soothsayer who never got listened to! lol! so she takes the book to the hospital, Vicky..this woman is such a strong willed person...she read all the night long..the next morn she walked out of the hospital making the biggest scene I'm sure!! she always made scenes. talk about drama.
so she takes the cure from this book...its fresh juices fast cure and colon therapy with coffee enemas, she cures herself in less than a year...the growths shrink and dissolve..it does not return, the cancer does not, but she still acquired other body problems, but none as life threatening as cancer. she made the choice to live, all I had to do was let her know it was up to her, not the doctors.

when I told her she was going to die on the table she never questioned my vision. first time she ever listened to a word I had to say. lol. spirit was in the room.


hugs, alysia

and you are a wonderful explorer with style Spooky! I have met you out there just so I could smile at you and have a greeting, for we share two things; music and exploration of the unseen.
it was in 2001 that I started most of my growth and before that instead of doing self retrievals, I was busy to deny anything uncomfortable went on in the past. is why I would like to get the word out about self retrievals as finally closure can come, and when closure on old hurts is done, then is a new spiritual life, a new spring in your step, and there can be no depression then.

hugs, alysia

sure Vicky, I'll try my best from my stash of methods, but I received most my nudges in that direction from Bruce's books. His latest book tells a lady's self retrieval which was very similar to some of my experiences in doing this.

please don't get a sad feeling from my relationship with mother as it is all cleared up now and she has no more bad feelings and neither do I. Life is a movie and we seem to don roles here as spirit and we even reverse roles just to keep things interesting I do believe. I am very happy with both our soul's progress btw.

self retrieval: how I would do it. in the early days I would just imagine guidance standing by: I'd say, ok, I'm ready to do a retrieval guides, so take me there. I'd close my eyes and wait for an image to pop up in my head. it would be black for awhile, then something hazy would appear and I'd say, I can't see it well. the guides voice or thought, would say go closer, it gets more clear. and it would get a little more clear. I'd see a person. I'm thinking of the little girl in this one. I didn't know it was a self retrieval until afterwards.
I always like to be the heroine and save someone else, but the guides had other plans.
so I moved the child to a better place, a happier place, where she could evolve. then a number of years go by and you realize the child now lives within your present consciousness and grows with you to integrate.

now, you may not have that many childhood issues Vicky, so you have to ask your own guidance about that and as to where they will take you. I know you have a guide who is always with you, so you can ask him about it. you may be taken to retrieve not your own self but another. just ask who would be suited to your talents and can be woken up by you as each retriever gets different types to retrieve.

once you arrive with an image, check out what your feelings tell you about this image. asking questions is what I do. one of my favorite questions would be "is this person dead? what happened? are they stuck? then like Bruce teaches, you can use your imagination to start up a conversation, and then you will often get some answers back you weren't expecting and it goes from there into a process of understanding.
some retrievals will take a few returns to them to make sure the energy is cleared there. some take awhile to assimilate. the mind is like a slow cooker. a crock pot..but you can smell the aroma of understanding coming from the kitchen! lol. sorry, I can't explain it well, but Bruce does!

Maybe Mair has some retrieval stories she would share. and we could open up the retrieval forum also.

The key for me is asking for assistance then just trusting. hugs, alysia

Vicky, anyone, do you think you want to read about some of my retrievals on the thread over there? seems like I've put all of them up over the years, but, I don't know, you might want to read them without digging in the archives and maybe others would want to put their similar stuff up.
love, alysia