hiorta
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I had previously tried to put this into words, so this is a 'paste' of that attempt.
This experience began with hospital admission to have the gall – bladder removed and an umbilical hernia repaired. The gall – bladder job was expected to be regular keyhole surgery, but it was pointed out that it was sometimes necessary to ‘revert to the old method’ but that this could not be determined beforehand. I was not apprehensive of the pending elective surgery - I usually quite enjoy a short break of this kind. I mention this only to eliminate any possible connection between fear and the event itself.
At some stage during surgery, I suddenly found myself looking down on proceedings from ceiling height or a wee bit higher- (the ceiling wasn’t there). I was watching what I quickly realised was myself lying motionless on the table with green clad figures around it – but it wasn’t really me – I was here. I was instantly aware of my last memory of going off for the op. and was trying to make sense of this new development.
It soon dawned on me that I had an unusual clarity of mind and was completely fascinated by what was happening. I was ‘ here’ not ‘there’. What I was looking upon was like an old shell that somehow was familiar – like an earlier edition. Then, to get a better view, moving to the right a little was necessary….it immediately happened! It is possible to move just by thinking. I wasn’t aware of any sound or voices. I then remembered that I had read something of this kind of thing. (‘Life after Life’ Raymond Moody) I realised that it IS true!
It would be around this point that what I was looking at just changed. Suddenly I was in a muted pale green sort of environment. This was the main light colour and I had never seen anything like this before. The light had a quality rather than intensity although it was very bright, but not in the slightest overpowering or unpleasant. It was natural light. The really strange thing about it was that this light provided sustenance. Whatever nourishment was required simply came from within this light. The feeling of indescribable well – being and comfort was completely overwhelming. This is central to it all.
I was standing now, rather than sort of floating, as before. This was a place of healing and restoration and at some level it seemed I already knew this. I was not aware of anyone else in this place.
Next, came the awareness that many folk were gathering just behind, out of view, all of them having been connected to me in some capacity at some time. I didn’t see or hear anyone. Just ‘knew’ it. A very strong sense of not to turn round was present. Also, realising I could absorb a vast amount of simultaneous information through points located all over my body (I had a body) - the ankles in particular. It was possible to know what the folk behind were collectively thinking! The realisation came that I had a choice of sorts to return or remain, but at the same time, it wasn’t really an option. This seemed to be connected to the sense of not to turn round!
The next recollection was the recovery unit and the indescribably overpowering sense of loss and disappointment that accompanied this return to the everyday mind. The greatest loss was the absence of this miraculous light, which illumined not just the place, but the very soul, it seemed. The subdued lighting in that ward was, in contrast, like the despairing darkness of deepest winter.
This is a very sketchy account of the whole thing and I cannot capture the essence of it at all. There was the feeling of exhilaration, of freedom and a complete absence of fear (of anything). I have no idea of how long this lasted, although it seemed for ever, but the effects of it are timeless. This was a completely natural experience and one I wish I could repeat. If this is ‘death’, then I’m for it!
Some conclusions:
I was ‘conscious’ throughout, although deeply anaesthetized. I knew what was happening, knew I was having surgery. I knew who I was, with full memory of all immediate matters. There was no physical sensation at all, but mental awareness of everything - but with a different - a greater, enlarged consciousness now operating – with no effort on my part.
Post surgery, I asked and was told that the gall bladder was detached using keyhole methods, but was unable to be removed this way. As the umbilical repair was to be done anyway, it was decided to remove the now separated gall bladder through this opening. Somehow, it slipped into the abdomen and had to be retrieved manually. I have no awareness of any of this at this juncture, but things must have begun about this point. The surgeon was fairly open, though guarded, about events – the ward staff all tight lipped. Hospital policy, perhaps, but I wondered if this was to prevent or minimise possible litigation.
The whole experience has been of immense benefit to me and I would be happy to return there any day of the week. I know I have ‘seen’ what lies ahead of this chapter of life. I have no wish to convince anyone of anything, nothing to prove. I have deepened as a person as a result, with some great sense of the eternal aspects of our continuing consciousness, unbroken, even for a split second. There was no sense of ‘time’ – it just didn’t exist – nor were any ‘doorways’ or walls of any kind to pass through. You just ‘were’ where you had to be. The folk behind were ‘real’ people, although I didn’t look round. Relatives, family, colleagues, like minded folk, etc.
A great feeling of elation, of well being, an overwhelming feeling of a ‘Love’, a place I didn’t want to leave, and a residual feeling of a certainty of being, are the main features, but I’m trying – and failing - to describe something that is beyond words.
What of religion? Forget it, I’d say. Those who trade in it, who advocate it, have no idea! It is man - made, but if it should produce well rounded more tolerant people, willing to help each other (all life really, there is no difference in essence between life forms, all have a common source and are therefore related), then it will serve a very useful purpose. We just don’t need the doctrinal approach at all. A hindrance to understanding – an abomination!
Alysia, I'm not in Japan, but have been there. I was born and live in a country with a similar landscape
I hope this might be of interest.
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