inbetween state, awake but just not ready to get up. images of small Indian tribes scattered here and there. used to be large tribes, now divided into many camps. to survive white man infiltration. this way easier to migrate away from white man camps and military. I am medicine woman and midwife also. in large camp I did not do midwife function. now I have much responsibility for well being of women. I get dedicated. I miss large tribe and liesure time I had to gather herbs and make potions. we have no good chiefs in small tribes. we lost wisdom of elders too by breaking up large tribes. we have young chiefs, they have no wisdom. chief I try to make listen to me, concerns of women. he does not want us to make babies. why? it takes two to make babies, but it becomes womanÕs fault that we bring new life into death situation. we are dying. chief knows this, feels much strain, fear, responsibility. I am just a nag to him when I say women are important to include in decisions. the wisdom of the elders knew we were important also. He wants to get rid of me so he strikes up bargain with white fur trader who wants squaw. fur trader promises false promise, that we will not have to migrate all the time if chief gives him squaw. that he will protect us then. I am dedicated to the women! he cannot sell me away from my family! but he does this out of fear and lack of wisdom. I am fighting and hands tied in front, placed on horse and we walk away. I have knife in a long moccasin boot I have made. he pulls me from horse. I have untied my hands. I plunge knife into his belly because I am dead anyway. my life is over I know. Indian comes and finishes me off because I have dishonered the chief in disobience and cannot return to tribe. the women who I have cared for love me. they come later and give me proper burial and place rocks on my grave. I watch them do this in gratitude.
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blow me down. no wonder I hate white manÕs medicine! lol!
a friend of mine is the same way. we take herbs all the time. I donÕt go to doctors at all. never have. my husband had to persuade me to go to the hospital for the birth of my children, I was looking to do it in a motel.

anybody want to share a past life just for fun? well, I must say donÕt know what IÕm learning for sure, but the drama that unfolded was far more interesting than watching a TV show....hmmmmm..love, alysia

: Two lifetime ago I was in a large Muslum household. It was male dominated, but I was the matriach and had many children.(I feel everything about this women her intensisty mostly) One of the men was molesting my daughter sexually and causing her great pain. I poisoned him with food. He died , my daughter was grateful.I was killed. next life..
: I was a man with a short life maybe 30 years, in New York. I was a writer, I see my apartment the table the typewriter, I lived my entire life alone in a soft simple male body, I got sick,(lung/pnumonia) died... next life, this life I always new my mother loved me so much that she wanted to be my mother, though was my daughter in past life, Again in this life we come from a large immigrant family and my mother was molested by male family members.  My brother fought me phsically every day with such hate Im sure he was revenging me his death in muslem life where I poisoned him. I came into this life writing poetry, bringing it over from my last life of karmic rest. As a Child I flashbacked to NY city streets.  This life I am always feeding people(good healthy stuff) Ive been unraveling this karma for years, but it all finally came together when my mother told me about the molestations a year ago.  Last month I told her next life if she would to be with me there would be no more molestations, that she needed to choose which way she was to go, with the abusive men, or the loving peacful healing path of life.......

: Point to make, keeping family secrets only hinders healing our karmic path.


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thank you Firequeen. I honor you more than you know. I am writing a book which one chapter deals with the issues you bring up. family secrets loose their power over us when exposed in a spiritual light. I have been freed this way myself and see you have too. Aloha, aloha, aloha!
jumpin' right along here, alysia

:
: : anybody want to share a past life just for fun? well, I must say donÕt know what IÕm learning for sure, but the drama that unfolded was far more interesting than watching a TV show....hmmmmm..love, alysia

:   Just for fun I'll share some past themes, they're hard for me to understand...I was o.b.e; standing in my room, my physical body in bed. Kneeling on the floor, facing away from the foot of my bed, was a little man. He looked almost prehistoric, arms tight at his sides, almost a statue except for the sentient light in his eyes. The inside of his mouth glowed yellow/gold. I got on the floor in front of him. "Who are you? What's your name?" I asked. His eyes looked confused. I asked again. With great difficulty, (and some uncertainty) he said "Demon". I laughed and said "That's what they all say!", teasing him. (He seemed like a being with limited emotional expression. He did radiate a feeling of strong loyalty towards me.) Then he said "14,000 Zen". "What?" I said, utterly confused. "14,000 Zen, you have no idea what it's like", he said. He was right. I understood none of this... Asking about this later, I found myself running through a jungle/forest. I was going to bring back something of importance ( A plant? A vision?) to people waiting for me elsewhere. I was told the "little man" was a form of spirit helper that was first met in this other, older life.  Much later, being with Brazilian mediums (old friends), I got other info that made sense. A loyal guardian from another life, that hasn't left me in this one. And in this life, the guardian sat zazen with me all those years living in the zen center; there at Tibetan teachings with me. Somewhere along the line, he made a promise. He swore loyalty to the Dharma, swore to guard it... Yeah, too many words!!  To cut it short, I got inklings of a much older "jungle" life, and I have other inklings I don't have room to tell right now, about other Buddhist lives besides this current one... I'm not terribly interested in remembering past lives ( at least right now) but sometimes you investigate stuff in dreams or elsewhere and it  leads to previous connections, themes you've been weaving over a very long period of time. Enough!   Love, Tim F.
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thanks Tim, that was fun! hee. so you have several lives of religious import is what I was getting. I have not been one either to be involved with such study too much, but I'd had a question and the images helped to supply an answer which I'm still working on, concerning programs, or energies which run our show so to speak.
I wonder about your fella saying demon...cause he felt "bad?"
then you said "they all say that." something to do with being in a prayer position? seems the alter is where you lay down your demons..right? not to pry of course.
I have a old timey stiff proper Christian preacher in my disc who has been with me from the start. great guy really, but have a lot of trouble to consider we might be the same person, so I've given up on that idea for the time being.

love, alysia

: : :

: : thanks Tim, that was fun! hee. so you have several lives of religious import is what I was getting. I have not been one either to be involved with such study too much, but I'd had a question and the images helped to supply an answer which I'm still working on, concerning programs, or energies which run our show so to speak.
: : I wonder about your fella saying demon...cause he felt "bad?"
: : then you said "they all say that." something to do with being in a prayer position? seems the alter is where you lay down your demons..right? not to pry of course.
: : I have a old timey stiff proper Christian preacher in my disc who has been with me from the start. great guy really, but have a lot of trouble to consider we might be the same person, so I've given up on that idea for the time being.

: : love, alysia

:       Hey Alysia,  I think the little guy said "Demon" because that's what he's been called by others; it was like he didn't have a name and that was the best he could come up with; a name that's been thrown at him out of fear, but isn't really his... I said "That's what they all say!" as a joke; I was taken aback by the answer and was using humour to lighten things up... There is a history in Buddhism of native spirits becoming Buddhist protecters; I think it might be something like that. When a Buddhist says  "I intend to help ALL sentient beings", spirits such as this one realize they're included and might appreciate that. (unlike other systems that might "demonize" them.) My story is best read AS a story. If I was reading this written by another, I wouldn't believe it; nor should you. Even if real to me, it's still a story... I've had inklings of other lives; some very hard, not all of them sweet by any means. Regarding re-incarnation, here's an old saying: We've all had so many lives; at one point or another, we've all been each other's mothers...  Love, Tim F.

: Holy <i>Firewater</i>, Alysia! Seems to me you ripped a page right out of one of <A HREF = "http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/102-2867066-9879365">Michael Newton's books</A>!

: It's true what they say, <I>Sometimes we need to rescue aspects of <b>self</B></I>...

: Peace,

: Herb

right, she certainly needs a bit of rescue I'd say! hee hee! say, how many books does Newton have out do you know? frankly, I'm getting tired of self retrievals, I wonder if there's someone besides self I can rescue out there? gafaw gawfaw.... ):

love, alysia