Hi PA,
on some occasions, in my meditations, some wonderful loving high evolved etc... spirits told me that I'm ok, that I'm doing just right and that I'm loved and understood. My reaction was similar to yours. "That cannot be. You stupid wishful thinking dreamer" and so on. But thereafter, again I met these entities and they became veeery serious and told me it's true and if I am not willing to accept myself and that I am worth to be loved then it's my choice and I then choose a life without love- it's up to me.
So, I urge you to take your dream seriously and don't cut you off from the source by thinking you're not worth it and/or by dwelling in bad thoughts. Please try the other way, I bet you will feel better!

Spooky