Hello friends,

I had a very very uncomfortable visitation exercise yesterday.  I was working with Moen's special visit cd.  I was extremely emotional throughout this and it did not conduct itself like a retrieval.  I felt my arms pinned up beside my head.  This feeling of being "pinned down" is a recurring image for me beginning last summer.  I felt the hands being severed from my body.  Then I felt my feet being severed.  Then I felt my entire body being severed/shattered and "flying away" from me in fragments.  This was very disturbing to me and I tried to move the emotional remnant of who I was toward a source of light which I could not see.  I was in darkness.

Any ideas?  I am becoming concerned about this repeating image which is one of being "held down" or "chained" or "submerged" and beginning to think that it is being shown to me for some reason to move me to some other level of consciousness.  Is it my "pain body" as Eckhart Tolle describes it?  Is it a past life?  Is it an expression of my own desire to be free?  I know that we can only speculate but I did see a brief image of a woman in a white gown sitting at a mirrored table before all these impressions began.  Therefore, I believe this is some aspect of myself....which seemingly must be heard.  Perhaps recording this vision will somehow calm this "voice" in me and give it some rest.  This was indeed a "death" of the body.

Those who are bound or held down will inevitably find freedom.  Even the severing of limbs and the destruction of the body cannot kill this urge in us.  Where will the fragments of our false self fly to? Where will our true self find rest?

love, blink

Hi Blink,
when this starts happening again, I would try to imagine that you watch your physical body from a distance, from a position near the ceiling or even from a place in outer space. Maybe it will make a difference. If not, maybe you can try to re-center and free yourself with the help/imagination of something or someone you trust, where you think you are at home, for example your "higher self", or "the source of all", Jesus, or whatever means something good to you, combined with the imagination to go very high (the old "hell is below and heaven above" picture seems to work).
I'm telling you that though I guess you know about this ways of healing, but can't be said often enough I think. I had that shattered feeling, not of my body but of myself, and the parts of me were all chatting and even fighting against each other, which was really a hell, can't imagine a worse state, and I found stabilization of myself in another instance greater than this fallen-apart-me, which, looking back, seems to be a transformation process.

Ladies with mirrors mean to me a personal revelation, a deeper view into yourself (which always is an expansion of your awareness = expansion of you), and if you feel ready for this you must act, you must start going by yourself to push the curtain away, maybe embrace the lady and tell her you want to be shown what she has got to show you.

Spooky

Such kind replies, all.

Here is a little poem I wrote which was inspired by this "visitation" exercise.  I feel that the poem touches on our common search for real and lasting sustenance from creation, from all, from what offers us true life:

You were the happiness I reached for
A voice a touch a thought without end
The middle of the night now an echo chamber
The middle of the day now an empty expanse

Today I died in my silence
My wrists held down on my sheets
My hands severed clean from my arms
My feet were the next to be severed

My body then flew away in slivers
No hand touched me while I broke apart
There was no alone anymore
And the angels were hidden from view

Was Love there as I watched the body die
My heart remained an aching remembrance
These tears I can share with no one
They are from the birth of desire

There was never a future or past
Clocks spinning but giving no sign
Of all the years never ending
There was never a future or past

You were water hidden in the desert
while the clay of my body broke apart
Where are you when you are not
Where are you when you are not


For it is true that life can sometimes be a desert where the water is hidden.  We die every day to our old selves, wondering, where did we go? Who is there for us? In the afterlife, here on earth...Love is there.  Even when we don't know Where Love Is, it is there, hidden, waiting for us.

love, blink

Thanks, Spooky, I wish you well too.

I know this is a painful read and I think it is important for people to realize that each one of us is on a common quest and that quest never really ends. We all have had loss, or we will some day when we least expect it.  When this happens it is very possible that we will feel all alone.  However, we are NOT alone.  All who think they are alone, who may read this poem of mine, just know that when you are in the desert, look for a sign.  It will be there.  You can find the way.  You will be renewed.  Just follow the signs.

love, blink