Ryan

You know that you are loved and admired on this forum.  If you need to cry it is good that you can do this with your friends and family here on the forum.

Please know that you are in my heart and prayers.  Email me anytime you like - I am always here for you.

Love
Irene

Grief stems from our feelings of loss - permanent loss.  Hamlet looking at Yorick's skull.  How many times had he carried him on his back, that court jester.   The sense of permanent loss is horrible.

If death is not permanent cessation of consciousness, and if the soul goes on, then there is no permanent loss, and our grief should be tempered by that.  It is all about what we believe.  So it is most difficult if a funeral reinforces that the person is gone forever and at rest.

Ryan, I hope you feel better soon.

Matthew

Thankyou everyone It does mean so much but I gotta say:

paranoid Android... I do know who you are im glad , you dont need to ask to reply, thankyou, its ok to be sad I agree but its just my situation, its so hard to explain, I'm sure you would I fi did explain but its so long, I thankyou and hear what you say, its just really hard...

Spitfire: His mum and dad are in such a worse state compared to mine in makes me sad even more, so sad I would hate to actually understand just a little of what they are going through. I know you say he made his choice but I don't think this was...maybe...i dunno...it just doesn't seem right... plus that cheeky git who made everyone laugh with his cheecky comments yet he got away with them because he had theat smile and playness and twinkle in his eye. He was a great guy, a great cousin, he was so much and I honestly think there could of been so much for him.... (part 1 or my sadness). Thankyou for the reply.

DocM: Thankyou, I once again agree with what your saying and I find this the hardest... I believe he lives on...but then I don't, I have no proof, and i hate to bring this to the forum with recent events, all I know is no, here, in this time, me, his dad, his mum, cousins, younger brother, friends are never ever ever going to see him again, and that again makes me want to just cry, just that one reason alone...there are so many others..

Roger: Thankyou also for replying. I know this is nothing of what you must of gone through I am very sorry to hear so I can only apoligize at how pathetic this seems since I only knew the guy a little bit. Once again I can't see a counsellor for the situation I am in, Who I am.....I dunno whether it would do me good or not but thankyou anyway.

And yes I did try to celebrate in a way, but again the loss, and then everyone crying it got to me. I hate to say it and I never will say to anyone outside here I have broken down (and not just about the funeral) .... and thats not feeling today, this has gone on many weeks, i know its not just emotional related from today....

But I will think of the good times and this makes me happy for a a few seconds and if thats all I can do, thats all Im gonna do because If he is up there I would like to imagine him laughing at me laughing at him lol....

This changes nothing but you guys have made me feel a bit happier for this moment, and I am truly grateful to everyone of you.

Ryan

P.S: Blankpanther I sent you a PM, thanx for being there also, like I said in my PM i am truly grateful.

Thankyou friends.....speak to you when i return soon.... sorry for anyone who posts and I dont reply for a while.... theres something I need to do....

speak to you all soon

ryan

I'm sorry about your loss.  Bringing it here seems very appropriate actually.  I personally don't think it matters that much at this early stage of grief what a person believes about the afterlife.  The sorrow a person feels is for the physical presence and personality being gone forever from their own physical presence.  We may see our loved ones in the afterlife, but we'll never ever see them again as they were from our physical perspective as we are now.  This is loss and it's very real, and I agree with Roger that a person never completely gets over it, but learns to deal.  Late at night, or early in the morning when your mind is vulnerable, fill it with the good thoughts rather than the bad.

I certainly understand the survivor guilt feeling about "should be me instead...."  There's a great line, among many, in LOTR by JRR Tolkein, of course by Gandalf, something like: "...Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends..."  While in the story it applies to one wishing to kill another, the meaning applies many ways, because we can't see all ends, nor can we determine the non-physical reason a person's time has or has not come.

Another one that gives me comfort, and the best quote of the whole trilogy in my opinion, again by Gandalf regarding death and afterlife:

"End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path. One that we all must take.  The gray rain curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it.  White shores. And beyond, the far green country, under a swift sunrise."

Take care.

Ryan, please do PM me too, anytime you need to.   

You will have strong times, and then you'll have weak times.  And that's perfectly normal.  You don't have to be just one way or the other. 

Funerals are this way.  They bring out emotions you didn't know you had.  But please don't feel like you wish it was you.  You know that that is not the way it was meant to be. 

We are all here for you Ryan, anytime you need to talk and have someone just listen.  But you know we will respond.  You are very cared for here!

Love, Vicky

Ryan,

While it is absolutely untrue that time heals all wounds, you, and many others, have two precious gifts from him: Love and learning, the only two things we can take with us when we pass. His life (and death) were, therefore, not in vain regardless of his age.

While your memory of him will no doubt be bittersweet, you know better than most that he is ok. Hopefully one day you will be able to reflect optimistically on his memory knowing that you two will be back together.

In the meantime, I also am here for you if you would like to chat.

with Love,
Bob

Ryan,

We don't know each other, but I feel your pain and I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of both you and your cousin's family, sending strength and love in their direction.

Death is never an easy thing for those left behind, so to speak.  I think the hardest thing I had to go through was holding the hand of someone I loved as we took her off life support and watched her die in front of me.  I cried a lot, even though I knew within myself that there was an afterlife that she was going to.

However, one of the things that got me by (and hopefully will help you) is knowing that now, you can be one of the ONLY people in your family that can learn to make conscious contact with your cousin, and continue to communicate and pass on messages to others.  Grief can be infectious, but I'm sure as time passes on, things will get easier and your mind will be more clear to establish a contact with your cousin on the other side.

With love,
- Jeff

Dear Ryan,

Sending you love and light, and to your cousin, and family to help ease you all through this. Wish I could give you a true hug. You are loved.

As I've been told, one way to get through such times, is to rememer to breath. (I'm sorry if that sounds trite...but long deep breaths help the body, physically helps with the feelings.)

Love, Carolyn