Ryan,
we finally must state when we don't know why that it isn't in our hands. It isn't all in our minds what's going on and we can't control it. I get angry about what's about it all and why do I not know at least once a day. In the end I have to let it go saying "I don't know, and I am not responsible for what I don't know. Maybe I will know once in the future and all weird and or sad parts of life will form a picture that makes sense, even the >don't know< part."

Often, when I hear of desasters or am anxious that I will experience one personally, I think we will all die some day. It's not cynical, it really gives me some relief as I can see in a bigger perspective then, life is precious but it will remain precious even when it's over. All pain concerning our bodies or related limitations will be gone if we wish to.

And it's always a stumble stone for our gathered knowledge and belief systems when it comes to a hard challenge, when one near to us is taken away, what is and how strong is our faith? Who are we really and where do we stand? Do we feel lost and alone or feel we accompanied and there is hope?

All we write here may sound too intellectual and far away from your situation. I only wish to express that I care for you, and wish that even if we can't answer "why", that we try to help and maybe there is at least one little thing in it that makes you see some little light, that maybe can help you to come over it with time. You're a nice guy and very deep and honest with other people, yourself and emotions. So there are big challenges for you too, and I wish that you can handle them and that you can despite of those deep challenges stay positive.
All the best for you.
Spooky

Ryan,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I wish I could take the pain away.  I know all to well that we all go through this pain.  It doesn't make you feel any better.  I know it doesn't me. 

I too still wish I knew why.  I have asked and asked. 

I don't know if any of us who lost someone we loved ever get through the pain.  I do know that everyone here will help you in any way they can.  Please pm if you need to talk to someone who has recently sufferred a loss. 

((((HUGS)))

EileenY

Hi,

I am ok now, and getting better. Everything just came on top of me over the past few weeks, the death and loads of other things. Thankyou all very much for the replies and support, it means a lot and I am very grateful.

Ryan

One of the universal truths, I figure, is that death really sucks.

You can tell yourself that you're prepared as anything, you can study the topic for years and years and years and convince yourself that whatever happens, you'll be fine, and then someone close to you dies and it all goes out the window. But hey, no one can prepare for that, right?

The only thing we have to do is muddle through the grief the best we can, with people around us who can help us pull ourselves up. That's all. But if you can get through it, it'll make you stronger.

I'm sorry about your loss.

Ryan

Bless your heart.....xxxxx

hey everyone,

I can't believe all the support you guys gave me, I am truly grateful. I am feeling better and back now. Its a bit late but Happy New Years. New year, new start. Once again thankyou to everyone here, it means a lot.

Ryan