Yes, I do feel strangely compelled to finish my Christmas rant right here on this thread. It's probably wrong and makes me a little afraid, but I know you all love me....
One thing I noticed was that my "indifferent" shopping was a little like a retrieval! The slight indifferent edge made the "travel" easier from one item to the other. Lacking "fear" (because I just didn't care enough) somehow made the process easier instead of harder. There was a "blank" in my head because I had no idea what gifts I was going to buy, just like the open-mindedness with which a person will start a retrieval exercise. The gifts were then "retrieved" for my loved ones with relative ease.
My "indifferent" shopping experience to give my loved ones the commercial tokens of my love made me think a little bit. It was interesting how "not caring" made the choosing and even the satisfaction of my gift buying better. Normally I will fret a little and be "fearful" that I am not choosing the "right" gifts or they are "too expensive" or "too cheap."
You see, at least here in the United States, if it hasn't reached your part of the world, we are trained at an early age through commercials on television and a myriad other ways to be very afraid if we are not the "perfect" consumer that we were "born" to be.
It is instilled deeply within our psyches at a very early age until what is supposed to be a "magic" time of Santa, celebration of Christ, or simply a midwinter festival becomes a maddening search for materialistic fulfillment.
Anyway, it's all mixed together for us, the fear and the love. Fear of not being the "perfect" consumer. Fear of not showing our "materialistic" love in the perfect way. This teaching that we are all exposed to is lesson of "lack" and contributes to a basic insecurity (or fear).
However, if we have food to eat and loved ones in our lives (like this forum, imperfect as each of us are!) we have quite a lot.
And even if we "know" that fear of "lack" is all an illusion, for some of us it is difficult to let go of a belief system like this. It is tied to primitive notions of survival at a very young age. What makes it even worse is that we are also "taught" through advertising and cultural conditioning that we won't be "loved" unless we adhere to impossible standards of materialism. It is a "lose-lose" situation for everyone....
So, I guess I don't really want to be fully engaged in that cultural tradition. Perhaps a little holiday depression and indifference is a HEALTHY reaction to it all. What do you think?
I guess that's all I wanted to say, in my own simplistic way today. I feel much better now, so thank you all. Just being able to share this with you has helped me a lot.
May the spirit of love and the real meaning of the holidays, which are about family and community ties, and sharing love, be with all of us.
blinik