First off, Hi guys I've read with great interest this forum and links and researched over the last few days, have a feeling this is my next step in a journey thats taken me from wierd thoughts as a child, strange feelings and understandings when very young with regard to death, from this to asking my gardian to walk a close relative through and within 30 minutes their death happening and at this point not knowing why I believed so much in it being real and thinking if anyone heard me talking to them they would think Im mad, from this to then believing more strongly and learning more not in afterlife but areas of  NLP, to Meditation, to self development of subconsious atates and many more paths, this though is the first time I have come across afterlife knowledge in the form of visiting, etc, exscuse my vague description of your achievments, Im about to stasrt learning and understanding more once I recieve tapes etc. The advice Im after is this, Im not too patient and therefore asking to help increase my motivation to learn well.

My first question is this, like I said my lifes been diffenent many learning curves, Ive experienced many types of people and used to attract in particular the worst of the worst, beyond explaination or coincidence, I then learnt from a great mentor and changed my beliefs and in turn those people are no longer attracted to me, however whilst in this period if ever I meditated (unknowingly used to do it) I have the most beautiful faced lady (maybe guide from what I have read already) and she always made me feel comfortable, also at this point is when I asked for a close relative to be walked through (again not sure why I just knew of these things Im reading here but not clearly just feelings and cant explain how) I asked her to walk him thorugh knowing Id maybe loose her, but he didnt believe if life after death and I knew he need to go, as the pain here for everyone else was ripping that which he loved apart, ever since this time I have not been able to connect or feel loving to anyone for some reason it actually feels like somthing is preventing it, (maybe it is maybe its not, inside I have a positive feeling Im being blocked), and now when I try to go through to her in my way Ive done since very young, I can only just see  eyes and a glipse of a face for, before I could see so much more, and for much longer, and the worse part is now when I do see the glimpses Im not going through like u guys Ive not read or listened to the tapes or books yet.  maybe we are doing it the same, Ive never truely understood what I was doing though,  my thoughts are this though, since asking her to walk them, all I see now are very evil, or bad eyes and faces, to the point they'll make me uneasy for quite a while and need company around me. I get the feeling and again its just a feeling she's either unable to return or cant find me in my true inner thought. so my question is can any of you maybe give me your views on this, I intend to learn to get my answers its part of my journey I know, but so want to challenge what ever thes things are and open it up for her to come back (again just know I need to post this here)

My second is this two other journeys one, for many months here being chased after the asking her to walk, as if Im open target, I've ran and refused to sleep until I know I go deep and dont recall as I have found myself breaking out EYES wide open and still being there, thats why this wasnt a dream, (trying telling anyone or even explaining it)and it was scarey, as they were horrific, I do did get  to run past two present mentors (for my learning here) sat in the park having a great looking lunch while Im trying to out run these most savage dogs (I felt they were just sent to find me though) they let me sit with them a while, to get my breath and then off I went again (the reason for saying this it sounds similar to peoples description of the park) and the chase contued through several days here, hated sleeping or what ever it was I was doing as like I said my eyes were wide open, just cant explain it, wasnt sleeping as I didnt wake up, I was just back in my bed, plus I stopped it by shouting some weird stuff I dont have a clue (mumbo jumbo to me)

again just any thoughs

the second was again a time of not waking up but being back there on my bed after shouting again so these were not dreams but I until reading this site had no explaination, (might still not but will find out soon enough) this second on is once I accepted I couldnt run anymore, and wanted to stand my ground I was on a much more powerful place for me is the feeling and look, however this time, I went into cant explain it, but like a dream state in the state, and I again started shouting at a lady stood by me in a wierd languge, it was evil what I was shouting and and as if I was fighting something out of me and that the power was not in strengh but words, (wierd I know) this one stoped like the other, but from me suddenly realising I was in control and shouting "Enough", I woke with a feeling I;d be going back to it at some point (mmm and am dreading it to be honest)

again any thoughts.

I have not began to journy with your methods, and appologies if Im totally off track, and you feel Im just dreaming or not doing the same as you guys (Im impatient and maybe should wait until I fully understand what you guys experience) however after what I have read so far, I've said since a young age this is not the first time Ive been here and know it, I meet very few people of a certain connection, however when we connect, and I open up my beliefes and understandings we are both shocked, and become very uneasy someone is so similar as we always say the same thing of what we fee we are here for.

thanks for your time and any advice you give.

Hello bebop:

One thing I'd recommend is to get centerred within your inner being as much as you can.  The awareness that allows you to see so many things; hear different sounds; feel, smell and taste different sensations; experience different emotions; and have many types of thoughts; this is the center of who you are.

The more you become centered within this awareness, the more you'll be in touch with the divine within you, and the more you'll have a choice when it comes to which thoughts become a part of your reality, and which thoughts don't.

If you get in touch with your awareness/center, then the evil faces and eyes you see won't mean anything, because there is no way they could do anything to your awareness/center, which is your direct connection to pure, unconditional love.

Thank you for your thoughts and time guys, much appreciated and new avenues as to my own constructive decisions and I never thought of the lady being from a time in my past..... yes thanks for that it makes if I look at it in this manner and along with other things I havent written, makes for a understanding I cant explain, also  reading more and learning more of an area new to  myself, it means my time here from this point forward has changed, for a much better one. I once read somewhere about life being a game, however someone lost the manual, and mankind had to work it out for himself, as playing any game without knowing the rules, or the boundries, or reason for winning, makes for a much better game. But now I feel I have found the point to winning this game, and therefore I have another pice to the jigsaw.

I  have much more motivation to achive getting the rest of the pices as its a goal of mine in this life to understand its reason, I think I know only trouble is what I think it means I wont find out for sure until its time to move on, and thats the point of it.

however never thought I'd find a way of getting the rules and reasons, I feel though I now have a way to achive this and before its time to move on, I do ask myself though what the consiquences are, I nearly burnt my mind out before learning too quickly from a mentor, and so walk with caution.

Again though thank you for your thoughts !!