Hi Guys,

Yesterday, as I was reading a rather lengthy response/quote to one of my favorite contributors, I started thinking about fear in its many guises.  I wrote this whole thing yesterday afternoon and couldn't figure out what to do with it and decided not to post it.  Then this morning I saw more of what I read yesterday and decided to start this new thread as a way for some of us who need to recognize the more subtle faces of fear:  The face of fear, what does it look like?  I recognize it when I consider doing something new and fear the unknown.  I also recognize when someone openly attacks me, I feel fear and if I chose I can see the fear in the other which prompted the attack and don’t take it personally.  But when the other comes on with niceties or words that say they are only trying to help me but I start feeling like crap it harder for me to recognize the face of fear.  A while back I was given a tip about recognizing this particular face of fear.  It had something to do about considering the fact that my gut feeling was perceiving the others words correctly. In other words, if I felt like crap after the transaction then crap was given even if the other person was my best friend and the words were wrapped in glitter with a gold bow.  But I wasn’t really able to change my reaction or self doubts until I got to know myself better and conclude that I’m an ok unique individual. 

Still I don’t like it when someone is discounting or patronizing me in that subtle hostile actually fear based way but at least I’m catching on to it better when I start to remember when I’ve done this to others and assume responsibility for my intentions.  I do it when I’m afraid that I won’t be respected and when I’m defensive with a perceived attack.  Sometimes a feeling like jealously, for example, pops up and I project that feeling in words constructed to hurt because maybe I’m feeling bad about myself and/or fear whatever and I want the other to feel bad about them self too.  But my main point is that sometimes an attack, always with fear at its core, is so restrained that we are left with only our bad feeling to guide us to recognize fear in the other being projected on to us to allow us to decide how to react and then turn that feeling into PUL by seeing the attack “not there” only maybe the fear or pain that the other is experiencing.

I’ve been playing with the “seeing it not there” thing on the physical more this past month.  When I do, it seems that I’m able to bypass physical deformities and behaviors in others that are ticking me off.  I’m seeing beautiful cores, having clearer communication, and enjoying transactions which turn out to being more loving exchanges for both parties with more laughter and joy mixed in.  Definitely more empowering than just grinning and bearing a negative exchange.

Much Love to all and hope maybe you all can come up with some more examples ??? .

Jean