Madsketcher,

I meant to tell you how much I value you input. You give me a glimpse into the thought processes of anyother individuals mind and you do it so well.

Thanks for your detailed documentation of what you are experiencing.  Reminds me how varied we are on this space ship called Earth.  You teach me much.

Love, Jean

Hi Bebop-Welcome,

It’s funny what you said about the yellow sports car(s).  It reminds me of when my husband and I first moved to Florida.  At 57 years old, it was also the first time that he had ever lived away from his home state.   He became very focused on pointing out every car that had a Jersey plate on it and comment that now that we had moved there, the rest of Jersey came too.  I laughed because I didn’t think it was due to the fact that there were so many but that, 1) Jersey at that time was one of the few states that had to have a license plate on the front and back of their vehicles, 2) He could recognize the plate from a distance because of living there so long, and 3) that he may have been intending to get confirmation that there were many familiar folks around so the place did not seem so alien.  He may have been right about great quantities of Jersyites coming to Florida or not, it is beside the point, his intent was a harmless enough exercise and it did help him to feel supported in his decision to move. 

I’m in the process now of focusing on  “A Unicorn Named Georgia”.  It started when I received a 20% off coupon from the Monroe Institute in early October and decided to purchase AUNG poster and matching CD for my granddaughter and daughter-in-law’s birthdays (one day apart). My intent was to send a joint gift to facilitate in helping to repair a poor relationship I have with my daughter-in-law, link the three of us together, plus pass on a hemi-sync sleep CD for the whole family’s benefit.  In return, I received a wonderful drawing done by both of them with a picture of Georgia in the center with the letters dna under the Unicorn (refer to DNA thread).  Then I sent a thank you back and felt all of our intents had paid off by producing a little more healing/love in this difficult  relationship. I thought that was the end of Georgia the Unicorn and sort of missed warmth of the exchanges.  But then, last week, I received a post card including a discount in the mail from the MI announcing that they will have a booth this weekend at the Convention Center, a short distance from me.  But on the other side of the postcard was, Yup, you guessed it, a reproduction of the poster I sent my granddaughter, Georgia the Unicorn.  So the game is still afoot by my choosing to focus on signs which all stemmed from my intention to strengthen the love bond between we 3-generation group of women.  Now I realize that I could choose to seek thoughts that dwelled on my perceived feelings that she dislikes me and feeling trapped in a bad relationship and that there was nothing that I could do about it.  And then glean out of communications with my son anything that would feed the distance and negative aspects of our relationship, because I’m sure some could be found or distorted to fit.  I used to do this when I was younger.    

But, as you well know Bebop, that ain’t the way to go because we’ve learned from hard experience that the payoff is lousy or limited at best.  By focusing on the possible or real negativity of those around us, we don’t get the good feelings that result when choosing to focus on our own or others loving intent.  It doesn’t even give the support that my husband’s license exercise gave him.  But mostly, it isn’t as fun. But you’re right in suggesting to madsketcher to follow through with his focus because that’s where he at right now.  But if he chooses, as you suggest, to move past this mind set, first he might start by accepting that what he is experiencing is real and recognize the patterns. Next he can move on to questioning the intent of those he suspects of doing the actions, play with that a little including asking them what their intentions are, then follow it up with asking himself what’s going to happen and finally what am I really afraid of.  If he has the motivation and/or courage to do this, he may wind up getting a good belly laugh out of it or at least finding himself a little further out of the maze.  Because he is the Master of his mind, as we all are, and can choose to look at the so-called worse of intentions and fears and even stay within the confines of feeling, seeing, and hearing all those yucky feeling, knowing nods, and negative confirming coughs till we follow it through to the other side, we can change our mind through re-focusing our thoughts because we can choose the contents of our minds and have the power to block what we do not consider worth focusing on or listening to.  But not everyone holds that belief.  You’re right, it’s a learning curve and we all need to do it at our own speed.

But then again, as I sit here with my husband, he is trying to remember what the thing on the desktop is called.  He starts by telling me it’s a speaker thing and then wants me to turn it on.  I suspect he is talking about the TV to the right and down closer to the floor but he is pointing to a small alarm clock above my head.  He can correctly name all the other items on the shelf except for this one.  Then he starts to come back again and finally remembers it’s a clock and that he means the TV to the right.  All is settled again but he starts to forget that the clock is a clock and struggles to remember what it is called again.  I ask him what it does, and he states, tick tock, tick tock then he comes back to remembering its correct name, a clock.  It’s as if the wires in his brain are crossing as a result of having a urinary tract infection.  This entire transaction lasts about 10 minutes.  So much for being the master of our minds when we are ill. 

But from a larger perspective, he is still loving and has loving intentions but is now working with physical chemical challenges that mess with the connections to language.  If he had not spent most of his life attempting to make things better for those around him and to share his love, I doubt that he could hold this loving focus from within his being.  It’s who he is and I love him for this.  He questions how I can love him now that he is making more work for me and that he is limited in the things that he can do to help.  I explain that the reason I love him is not because of the things he does but who he is at his core, which he has lovingly shared with me throughout the past 21 years.  I’ve learned this about love, from him. 

Happy Veterans Day to all you war vets including my sweet Korean War vet husband, Mac.

Love, Jean     

   

Madsketcher,

It’s true that many people around us can be very cruel and it’s sad thing that anyone who is a little different than the majority are sometimes judged as defective and in need of special attention.  But it’s also true that you are a valuable individual, no matter what negatives you are hearing from others in your mind.  Some sensitive souls, like yourself, have trouble blocking or discounting other people’s opinion of them, verbal and nonverbal, and instead take everything, especially the negatives, to heart.  Many of us feel bad about ourselves and have trouble remembering that what is most important is to move from being concerned about what others think of us onto considering how we can comfort, merely by a smile or kind word, those who are in the gripes of self doubt or what they consider hell.  

I was glad that you reported that a shift occurred in realizing that you are a worthy individual, because you are.  I’m very impressed by you ability to write your inner experiences on this board as well as being able to create works of art.  Some not only can’t write about things that are going on within but also don’t have the ability to seek and find an audience in a safe place, as you have.  Your pretty cleaver and I mean that with all due respect.  You’re on the right tract by coming to this board and realizing that you're worthy and creative!!!  And yes, sometimes we are motivated by a negative experice. But hang in there and try to reach out to your friends in spite of what you sense to be a non-loving intent because as you work on your project to become more loving, I don’t mean by giving them things, but by realizing that they too have self doubts, you may find that your starting a positive conspiracy.  You’ll feel it in your gut as strongly as you do the negative conspiracy but it will feel good instead of hellish.

Love, Jean