More and more I have the feeling I bring up many sad topics, but I need advice because I need to strengthen at some level.

This topic is about the "misuse of love". By not giving you the topic right away, I somehow tricked you into reading this. This is misuse at some level.

I hope you can forgive me, because I am trying to explain something.

I have people that I love and that use this love, to get from me what they want me to give them. They also threaten with non-said statements such as "If you do not act as I want, I will say you are not loving and destroy your image and you will receive less love."

So, this brings up a situation, in which you have to stay loving, but at the same time pay attention. But if you shield yourself too much, you are also punishing yourself by not letting the energy of love reach out of the shield you constructed to protect yourself.

So, the shield is like fear, but without the shield, there are other consequences, which might create more suffering to yourself and others. (I know I can deal with the suffering, but I am surrounded by other people who do not have that capacity. They say I am different. They say I have never been like any other child.)

Am I the only one here to have such complicated issues?

Do you have advice to give or opinions to share?

With love,

Traveller

Traveller,

Her name is Louise L. Hay.  She has many books and cds available online and in bookstores which are helpful in disfunctional relationships.  She is highly regarded in this area.

love, blink

Dear Traveller,

There's no deception happening, you are talking very honestly about love. I am on the path too, so you are not alone, looks like we're traveling together.

Your questions and explorations make me feel you are expressing love here, your questions help to guide others.

Others test us, freinds, loved ones, bank tellers and telemarketers, unintentionally, to try different ways of doing this love thing.

I like to think to myself, when I am having a particularly hard time of it, "Thank goodness I won't have to do this again, live this ______ moment as me, because I've done it, it is done! Hooray!". Maybe it sounds silly, but gets me into a better perspective, a much happier and relaxed outlook.

Please keep posting Traveller.

Love, Carolyn

Hi Traveller-

That path is sometimes called bhakta yoga, the path of love and oneness. (The other two basic paths are jnana, or wisdom, and karma, or action, and these are often rolled into a single path called raja, entailing all three at once.)

As I read your post I was led to think of a number of women that I occasionally see on street corners. If I give them a certain amount of money, they offer to give me love. Except, when it's put that way, it isn't love. (By the way, not to sound sexist, I also have seen a few men offering something similar, but there seem to be more women in the business.)

When your friends offer to give you love in return for services rendered, there is a certain similarity to those people on the street corners. That kind of "love" is worth a little less than it costs in effort to obtain it.

Love is not something received. Love is an active state of extending yourself to include others within your inner being. It has nothing to do with their willingness to reciprocate. Love is the glue that binds everything together, and that keeps us united with our Source.

By loving, you grow, blossom, and become like a beautiful flower that others can enjoy. If you happen to live amongst thistles and skunk cabbage, that does not diminish your own beauty and value as a loving person.

Perhaps those around you still need more insight and development to find that they are missing an opportunity to share themselves with you. Too bad for them. If they fail to take advantage of the opportunity, they are the losers. You, on the other hand, need not sell yourself to gain their approval. Your job on earth has nothing to do with living up to the desires, expectations or exploittions of others.

When we think of love, we might view it as soft, but it is the ultimate power. Like flowing water, softness is deceptive, and after a few years even granite is worn away. Just so with love. After a few years even the hardest hearts are softened by the presence of unconditional love.

Love cannot be bought, nor can it be sold. It is a willingness to be one with others, to be compassionate, to care. Nothing has to be added, merely the attitude of itself is sufficient. Beyond that, do whatever is convenient, according to your own needs, and if that serves others, that's OK. If not, that's OK too.

In fact, if others bother you with unreasonable requests and demands, there's nothing wrong with avoiding them. It does not serve them well to constantly give them what they demand in order to acquire their positive regard, because it rewards a bad habit. (The parallel is to compare a man who works hard to gain a single wife, and who loves, as compared to one who buys services at the street corner and later finds that life is very empty.) To love others, but to do only that which is appropriate for you is a better strategy, because you serve their true needs for growth better in that way, and you don't do things that don't work for you. Makes sense, eh?

Love-
dave

Hi Traveller,
on this
>>>I have people that I love and that use this love, to get from me what they want me to give them. They also threaten with non-said statements such as "If you do not act as I want, I will say you are not loving and destroy your image and you will receive less love."<<<
it came on my mind: Think they are children, and when you give love to them you give them what they need, and YOU did it and you can be proud of it; they cannot extort you by threatening you giving you not the feeling to be loved anymore, you don't need this kind of "love", that are just childish might-games, they are just children who don't know better.
bye, spooky