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Difficulty with love (Read 6082 times)
Traveller
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Difficulty with love
Aug 29th, 2005 at 6:08am
 
As I am trying to be more loving, I stumble against a problem.

You see, when I am positive, happy and loving, people come to me because they like to receive that feeling. They like the sharing when they can receive and learn from me.

But each time afterwards, I become sad, because when I am sad, confused or feeling other negative feelings, nobody is there and I am told I have to be strong on my own.

So, all I do is giving, like it is my only function, but when I wish to receive unconditional love, I am denied and I feel hurt because I have to stay loving under every condition, surrounded by physical people that aren't doing this.

What should I do? How can I overcome this?

TRAVELLER
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blink
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #1 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 6:28am
 
This is where faith comes in for many people, Traveller.  When you have a belief in a higher power/greater reality which is love, you know you are never alone, even when you feel that you are. 

When you can tap into that power, sometimes you can draw to yourself a better and more hopeful outer situation.  In the meantime, places like this where you can find support are a good place to turn.  Also, surrounding yourself with positive authors, music, etc. can be very sustaining to the spirit.

much love, blink
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Carolyn
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #2 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 7:31am
 
Dear Traveller,

I think I understand what you are saying.

Some ideas: Be sure always to be loving to yourself. Try to let go of all judgement, of yourself and of others. Wrap yourself in love. How? Do what you love, what inspires you, meditate, pray, open up to the loving rays that shower on everyone and everything at all times. Believe it or nor, imagine they are there. (Love is energy, and energy is everywhere.) Walk in nature. Surround yourself in beauty. Write down what you are going through and work through the thoughts and emotions, then release them (rip up the pages, burn them or throw them away), release the emotions and their links to the past or the future. Explore forgiveness. These are my thoughts, my 2 cents, as I read your post. I am not there myself, either, but some times are better than others. Sending Love your way, Traveller.

Oh! about forgiveness...at this very moment I have the radio on, and these are the words that just were spoken,...about forgiveness:  (Not an exact quote) "You have to forgive to heal, without forgiveness is like sewing up the wound with the bullet, you need to take out th bullet to heal." Does this make any sense in relation to what you are experiencing about pul? Maybe no, I am just putting these thoughts out there, just in case they help.

Love, Carolyn
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Vicky
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #3 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 9:30am
 
Hi Carolyn, I understand how you feel and I feel like that too sometimes.  I've been trying to think of what advice to give you, but I don't have much other than the same stuff that Blink has said.  This reminds me of myself very recently, feeling like I need someone to lift me up emotionally and finding no one there who will help.  So I sit, close my eyes, and remember very hard, (hard enough until I am re-living the feelings), of times when I was giving or receiving love.  And I imagine that it is filling me and healing me, and even though I don't feel better right away, I tell myself that it is already working.  Kind of like taking medicine, you take it and wait for the results.  It sounds kind of silly now that I am actually saying all this.  But this is what I do to get by.  This is my faith.  This is how I cope. 

Well, at least we here on this board can be there for each other.  I always find something that someone has written that is inspiring or uplifting for me.  Even if I am just reading stuff and not responding to everything, I am always here reading.  Especially since I have not been working this month due to surgery.  I am spending a LOT of time reading here.  And I have been a little depressed and crying a lot lately too, so that's another reason I am reading a lot. 

This reminds me of a visualization I did the other day.  Again, it may sound like silliness, but then again maybe not.  This is how I am though.  What I felt like doing was imagining everyone on this board  who wanted to go, was all gathered in a large room.  And we are all sitting in chairs in front of a stage.  And everyone gets to take turns talking in front of the group to say how happy they are to meet all the others, how much everyone or "so-and-so" has helped them or inspired them, etc.  Basically just introducing ourselves to each other face to face and saying our appreciation to each other. 

Anyway, using my imagination like this helps me feel loved, connected, etc.  I have always used my imagination and I guess I will never grow out of it.   

  Cheesy

Love, Vicky
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Vicky
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #4 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 9:34am
 
ooops,

I made a mistake and should have addressed my post to TRAVELER.  Sorry, my mistake.   I don't know how to make an edit after sending a post. 

Anyway, sorry! 

Love, Vicky  Roll Eyes
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chilipepperflea
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #5 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 9:42am
 
maybe you help others because they need your help, maybe you don't recieve help because you are stronger than them even though you may not relise it yet? ever thught of it like that?

i mean i don't wanna sound bad towards towards the other people, but you are stronger.

if you feel you need help talk to a friend, i'm sure they are very willing to help and talk and listen but may be unaware of your feelings as they might not pick up on them... tell them how you feel...

i think there are more people there for you than you might relise. We at the board certainly are!

Hope that helps

Ryan
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Carolyn
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #6 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 10:03am
 
Hi Vicky,

Actually, your words work to me, also, so thanks!

I like your visualization of us together in a room, and each stepping on stage to give thanks to each other. I appreciate that example very much! Things like this help me to move along through diffucult slumps.

I have tried the exercise to remember a time when I recieved and gave love, and I find this hard to do, the remembering the feeling. I'm not sure why, because I have expereinced some incredibly loving times. But letting go of the trying to remember, and doing something new, visualizing or imagining new, helps.

I hope you are healing smoothly from your surgery.

Thanks,
Love, Carolyn

ps, BTW, to edit a post, look to just above your post, I believe there should be a button to "modify" your own post, choose that and you can edit.
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Vicky
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #7 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 10:21am
 
Thanks Carolyn! 


Cheesy

My surgery wasn't too big a deal, it was for carpal tunnel syndrome.  I am a medical transcriptionist.  Can't wait to type with two hands again!

Thanks for the edit advice.  Modify=edit...that makes sense.   Roll Eyes

Love,
Vicky
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LaffingRain
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #8 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 12:29pm
 
this is a good topic for this board, IMHO Grin I have it from a local guru that when you be expressing love every minute of your life, you be what they say enlightened Shocked  I find love a good barometer of spiritual growth myself, just a word of caution not to be comparing yourself to another for this measurement, although we do it anyway unconsciously, its best to realize your uniqueness is appreciated by those who have eyes to see.
on a personal note, to remark on your delimmia Traveller, I have a dear friend in my neck of the woods who would come to me when she was troubled; that would be like every other day..lol...I would try to respond to her appropriately, whatever that means ??? then I noticed she could not hear me what I said. so I asked guidance what my role was for her. then I was asked to let her get it all off her chest and sit there and realize she trusted me. I didn't have to do anything or say anything because after she winded herself, she supplied her own wisdom..ha ha! all she knew for sure was I would never say something to make her feel worse than she already did. we humans should just listen to each other without interrupting so much I think. I would sit there though and think silently how pretty she was, how strong, how hardworking, then just smile. she always comes up with her own answers like I think you do. that unconditional love thing, you know what I'm talking about? that rare and exquisite aged and mellow wine we all want a drink of? you just never know where it will come from, maybe not even your friends, maybe not your family...could come from a stranger on the street Shocked could knock u over like a feather or turn you into mashed potatoes...so watch out and expect miracles because if a miracle is not happening it's building it's momentum to happen. ahhh, some love has descended on this board, thank God in his holy heaven and the force be with you all. lets all do the vulcan merge thing soon. love, alysiaimages.bravenet.com/common/images/smilies/rubberduck.gif
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Touching Souls
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #9 - Aug 29th, 2005 at 8:54pm
 
Traveller, sometimes it's hard for people to accept love. Look deeply into yourself and find out why you feel you're not worthy of receiving love. That is usually the reason.  Shocked

I felt this way for a long, long time until I finally released a lot of past life stuff and this life stuff and realized that I am Worthy of being loved.  It's an awesome feeling. Wink

Love, Mairlyn  Wink
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jkeyes
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #10 - Sep 4th, 2005 at 8:30am
 
Hi gentle souls,

IMO, Listening, love in action, comes with a warning that must be heeded.  That is in the act of truly listening, shelving your own ego and coming from thoughts of PUL, we sometimes meet or worst fear, that of changing our mind about the other and in turn our own belief system.  Scary stuff, this changing our mind business.  What if we’ve been wrong about something all along because our lack of data and have dedicated a large part of our life to believing something very limiting.  But after listening to this other individual, pieces of the puzzle begin to fall into place and the belief we held for so long had too many gaps which were finally filled in by this other individual through the gift of love, our unconditional listening.  Powerful stuff this listening.  Used to be done only by priests, sometimes with hidden agendas, then by therapist, also sometimes with hidden agendas.  Then we were told, those of us who weren’t priests or therapists, to only go to them to be heard.  Of course there always were gifted individuals who could really listen but they weren’t “experts”.  I first came across the listening thing that Alysia described above in my study of P.E.T. and as a result, did an 180degree turnabout in my attitude about others and myself.  Since then, though this twallker sometimes finds it difficult, I try to practice it faithfully, especially on myself.  IMO it’s this listening thing that enables us to mirror each other and ourselves so that we can see what issues we’re dealing with in being human.  And when we can clearly see the issues and get out of the denial projecting on to others cycle, we can finally start to learn how to do this other thing called forgiveness.  Love and forgiveness are great concepts but what are the mechanics of getting there.  I think listening, truly listening with the third ear, the heart, is the major step.

Love to all, Jean Kiss

P.S. Alysia, thanks for the new pc.
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dave_a_mbs
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #11 - Sep 4th, 2005 at 4:51pm
 
Hi Traveller -

If I understand correctly, you find it relatively easy to love others, and to do things for them, but you feel that you do not receive love in return. I wonder whether you equate loving with doing?

In yoga, there are three general qualities that are involved with living: being joyfully pro-active and creative (karma yoga), being compassionate and loving others (bhakta yoga), and being logical and aware of what is happening (jnana yoga).  If you prefer Buddhism, these are also the three top and three bottom worlds in the Wheel of Life Mandala, the top is where life is working, and the bottom is where it isn't working. In that Mandala, the very center circle is where we have all of it working at once, satchitananda.,

To love means that we view others with compassion and that we sense their existence as part of our own. This follows directly from the idea that we are all God, emanated in various forms, but nonetheless God. (You might ask, if you are not a manifestation of God, then what are you?)

Then if you are God and all others are also God, then we are all One. We are one with terrorists, with child molesters, with saints, with common people, and with nut cases. (The Cosmic body, like your physical body, also has it armpits and assholes, and they are equally necessary.)

Not everybody is able to see things this way, so they are unable to give love without qualifying it. All that means is that their emanation of God is still learning how to behave, which is probably why we're all here anyhow.

If you see all others around you as God, and yourself as God, and all beings as One, then to the degree that you incorporate that perspective into your life, you are becoming a bhakta yogi. Whether others do or do not have the ability to reciprocate has nothing to do with it. 

When this perspective has become so completely one with your life that you no longer see others as different and in opposition, but only as ways that Oneness extends itself to fom a cooperative whole out of numerous views of the same thing, then you have reached sarvastarka samadhi, the first transcendental level.

Conversely, if you require reciprocation for caring about others, then that attitude is no longer unqualified love of God for God, but a method that seeks to make some kind of emotional profit. In clinical terms, this latter posture is called "co-dependency". The idea that, "I'll love you if and only if you love me back, and do so in the manner that I expect," is not very useful.

dave
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dave_a_mbs
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #12 - Sep 4th, 2005 at 4:56pm
 
I've been caught by the Censor -

for "armpits and not very nice persons", the censored version, read "armpits and rectal orifices" - you get the idea

The point is that brand new souls are often pretty unpleasant until they get hip.

d
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Touching Souls
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #13 - Sep 4th, 2005 at 5:09pm
 
Love that censor. ROFLOL

Love, Mairlyn  Grin
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blink
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Re: Difficulty with love
Reply #14 - Sep 5th, 2005 at 10:38am
 
White Feather said: "I do not love others if they love me.  
 
I think my misconception of love works more like that: I try to have other people love me, so I finally know why I should love myself or why I do not succeed in loving myself. "

That is interesting, White Feather.  I'm not sure I understand your statement but it pushes me down a train of thought. 

We can often find a reflection of ourself in the reactions of another to us.  This reflection could be false.  How do we know what love is until we have the most or the best teachers possible? 

To find a true self, we must see as many reflections as possible.  These reflections may be from other people and from our 'selves' as we change through time.

Therefore, whether we are patient or impatient in this process, time is our gift and will always take us to the true self to know real love. 

love, blink
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