Quote:if I can't reincarnate...
You can.
Quote:if this life is the only physical one I'll get...
It's not.
Quote: then I WANT, VERY BADLY, to be permanently snuffed.
There is free will. The part of you that truly wants to be 'permanently snuffed', can opt for that. The part of you that wants existence, wants to be, will continue to always be.
You (the real you, not merely this particular incarnated personality here in this single lifetime) are a lot more (complex, multidimensional and multi-faceted), than you suspect.
So no worries, for either or both of you. There's room in the Cosmos for all of you, Brendan. Whatever you choose.
Quote:How might I best conduct my life...
Existential recycling. One in which you move away from confusion, fear based misconceptions and intrusion (your ideas and thosense are attracting other similiarly confused / miserable extraphysicals, who now have the potential opportunity to benefit from your future enlightenment on these matters, if you should so choose it), and towards maximizing clarification, evolution, assistantiality and love in every aspect of your life.
Quote:... instead of me having to live eternally in an afterlife I KNOW I'll hate?
Is that true? Can you be absolutely sure it's true? All of human emotional suffering is based on false ideas, expectations, misconceptions, limiting beliefs, etc.
Your pain is only based on your discomfort/disagreement with *ideas* that you had *interpreted* from the words of *others*.
The rule of thumb is, if you don't like what you're hearing, then that is your soul telling you, that's *not* what you choose for yourself, so be assured that is *not* what is your reality (at least certainly not in the way you had interpreted or received the idea, as shared by others speaking from their perspective).
Quote: I don't want hell, but I also don't want to "serve others and be selfless" (which is what "heaven" is all apparently all about... sort of like being a dog.)
Dogs might resent that statement, initially; but to say they "serve others and be selfless", they thank you for the high praise and compliment.
But no, that's not what heaven is all about, at least not in the way you interpret the idea of "to serve others and be selfless".
Much of your difficulty and pain, stems only from a basic misconception you have, regarding the concept of 'self' and 'others'.
In 'heaven', ie. in Love, you realize others = self. Thus, to serve others, is really to serve Self (the greater or *true* Self = All Cosmos aka God aka Oneness). So you're even more Selfish=Selfless than ever in heaven, because everything and everybody around you (including all your loved ones, all plant, animal and human souls, all guides & helpers, angels, ascended masters and Serenissimus, and so on up the evolutionary scale, ad infinitum, *without end*), there is only Self=Others/Oneness/Love.
To be more specific, Brendan, this 'Self' that is the real You, the One, that has only illusionarily (not even 'temporarily') fragmented itself into infinity (ie. all souls you see around you), but in essence has always been, and will always be One (ie. You).
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There are those who have the notion of souls temporarily separating from the 'Source' (or God) to experience Creation, then eventually reuniting or 'merging' back with the 'Source' (or God). From our observation that is not the case. Souls have never truly been separate from God, and so there is nothing to 'reunite' or 'merge' back with, once you realize you've never truly left. However, there is certainly *Infinity*, to *connect* (not 'merge') back with, and this is up to free will (the possibilities for each soul is truly limitless); creation, evolution and existence is endless.
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Brendan, if you are interested in exploring these ideas (of self = others = One) further, feel free to have a look at my website, particularly the webpage on "
Meditations on Heart.Of.God".
Be Well, Live Lovingly and Prosper.
Kyo