Dear all,

Yesterday I went to the dentist. I was happy and had decided to be loving and friendly. I can say I was in a very good mood. As soon as I entered the room, a wave of sadness came of over me.

I did not understand. Was I having a mood-switch? Did a sudden fear come up unnoticed? Did I have a sad thought? The dentist, a nice woman in her forties with short blonde hair, was looking happy and thought(s)-full, at the same time.   

I was analyzing myself completely, like what is wrong with me now? Why do I feel so sad? I have no reason at all.

My mother was talking to the dentist and while she was talking, I was feeling all these feelings in silence. The sadness became even more and more intense and I felt like in my core something causing me a suffering that I felt was overwhelming and imprisoning me and I could not control it or diminish it.

My mother continued to talk with the dentist, which is a normal, daily thing to do, and I started feeling like I wanted to cry, but I could not. All I did was smiling, pretending nothing was bothering me, because I was afraid to look irrational and crazy, because I could not explain this.

I saw the dentist smile. The dentist was talking about how she missed being on vacation, how much work she had, how much everything costs, how she thought one should be severe with children for their own good. Her smile was bright and white, but there was something forced about it, but it looked a natural gesture for her to force her smile, which gave the impression of a natural smile.

I was wondering how much longer my mother would keep talking to her, because I started feeling distressed and all I wanted to do was cry it all out of me, to release myself. Then I was telling to myself: “It feel so terrible. I feel so sad. I do not know why? This must be in my head. I cannot let anyone see this because if I show this, it is going to be even more terrible and it won’t help. Nobody can know. I have to look happy, because I have to do my best,”…

…and then I tried to erase this by reasoning myself: “I am going to do something constructive with this. There is no reason to feel sad about anything here. Nothing changed in my environment or my life. It is only me that changed. I worked out everything and now there is no new event to work out.”

I was looking at the dentist and I was thinking: What is so terrible here? As she was talking to my mother, sitting on her chair, she had her arms crossed on her chest and I did not know how to seat myself. I started feeling pain, inside, like pointy needles penetrating my core, that felt like naked skin.

We finally left the dentist. I was never so relieved to go away. I thought that by leaving the place the feeling would go over, but it did not. The feeling was sticking to me like glue and I felt so sad and confused.

I kept thinking of all those moments I did not understand in the past: where I heard a beeping sound in my ears, I kept thinking of all the times I woke up after dreams, wondering why I saw nothing but dead people walking in areas I had never seen in my life, I kept thinking of all the moments where I had heard internal thoughts in my head and had dismissed them, because I had heard that only schizophrenic people hear voices and now, I was feeling just the same: Something has happened that I do not understand.

I was thinking in myself: These feelings are not mine, are they? Because I am not in pain or deeply afraid or completely unaware of what is going on! Is this empathy I am feeling? I like empathy, but is taking me down, because I feel so sad.

I continued to feel bad; telling my-self there must be a way to process this, while remaining open to others.

I was hoping you would know more about this.

With love,

Traveller

Very good points, Spooky.  Traveller, you seem to have handled this very well, simply had some varying emotions in a situation and not knowing where they came from.  It is true that we can be affected by things that are extremely subtle inside of us and outside of us.  The reasons may come to you later or not.  The main thing is that you were able to approach this from the point of view of an observer.  You felt the emotion fully to the point of discomfort, then decided from an observer's point of view that you would choose not to let this distract you from moving forward.  That is power. 

love, blink

we can always expect a miracle Jean but in the meantime maybe I can lay a story on you. just talkin.
I don't know your circumstances at your workplace so I really can't see what your payoff is for remaining in a situation that would make you depressed come Monday. what I intuit is the place has so many rules that being creative is out of the question as in order to be creative u would have to break the rules. leave it to bureacracy to stifle creativity.

anyway, my story. very sad, however I did survive! yeaah!!   after thinking it over I realize my story is off topic so I could pm you maybe.
the whole point is I was stuck in a job for 6 years because I was too scared to leave and at the end I hated it so much I got depressed and that makes your immune system not capable of combating virus's and such, so I almost died. was laid up about 6 weeks in bed. so don't let this happen to you. life is too short to not be sweet! love, alysia

Y'all are not the only ones..its happening everywhere.

I heard a channel Saturday speak of a mass of dark energy that came down this past week.  Seems to make sense to me, as most of these things seem to be "outside" of us, rather than actually having to do with anything going on within..

ok, so this all makes more sense!   
Shirley, I never heard about a mass of dark energy....I'm in northern BC canada....it's generally 'dark' up here to begin with!!.........I have wondered if I would be hit with SAD after moving up here.....I don't think this is what that is tho..
Our days are guite long right now.
What I experienced was sudden.....like you said, a dark mass coming down.
Who the heck is responsible for that anyway?!!   
I would like to send them a shocking blast of cold canadian winter!
For me, it felt like someone had shook out a dusty old floor matt and the dust settled over me...the thicker the dust layer on me, the worse I felt.
It is so not normal for me....and pushing people away from me?? Thank goodness I am feeling a little better today.......
I hope you Traveller and Jean are feeling better now too....
And Jean....thank you so much for your kind words.....it is nice to know that my input is valued....
Have a better day guys!!
Love, Sandy

Great ideas, Mr. Satan,

Wholeheartedly in agreement here.  It is possible to pick up energy which is absolutely not yours and carry it around with you like a leaden weight until you  have the sudden realization, this isn't me.  You can just disconnect from it.

Also in agreement with the subconscious aspect.  There are things we must all look at now and then, when we are ready.  They may not have a face or a name but they want to be seen.  As soon as they are deeply felt a clearing of negative emotion can be almost immediate.

love, blink