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spooky
Ex Member
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Oh, Alysia, no big mystery, I just meant the opposite of a nice guy (but that must have been a long time ago, so I hope I've made some progress...), I'll tell you after this:
Today I looked again in the rote. I don't know if I stayed listening to the rote's information or if I strayed elsewhere, but there is a link to what Gordon Phinn said concerning the accessibility of the masters: "if you express the intention and believe in your ability and worthiness." Here's what I got:
Someone said: "There's no problem about not being a hero or a holy for becoming or being a great, wise and mighty one." I asked for some abilities I wish I had. The voice: "Do you feel worthy of this?" I said: "Well, I don't know, I'm not the one to decide if I'm worthy of it or not." The voice: "No, no, no, the thing is: Do YOU think or feel you're worthy of it?" I: "Well, okay, maybe..." The voice: "Say it." It was hard to do for me. My education forbade me to judge over myself's worthiness, especially if the answer would be "yes, worthy". Finally, I did it. I declared myself worthy of each things I asked for (but with the promise to use every gift as well and wise as in my power to do), and everytime came: "It is done."
So, I was confronted with an old, learnt pattern of behaviour which is quite difficult to overcome. But I wondered what if someone would ask for a tool for doing evil while feeling worthy of it?! Maybe the true worthiness-feeling is somehow connected to the ethic state of someone.
Now the story of who/what I was before my first incarnation on earth:
There was a multi-colored glowing whirling sphere with an extension similar to an outer extension of a cyclone, also multicolored. It's name or nickname was "the color-slinger". Somebody said to the c.s.: "It's different there [earth], totally different, limited." The c.s.: "Puh, I destructed some worlds, destroyed." The color-slinger was very arrogant, obstinate, lonely, with no ability in deeper understanding others. The c.s. went down on earth. After the first runthrough on earth the c.s. came back, but the name color-slinger didn't fit any longer: He [I say "he" from now on] has fully changed, lost all colors, a milky cloud with a fuzzy outline and also more reflective, modest. This incarnation-and-coming back happened a few times when his fellow he used to talk to noticed a first, weak radiance of a new, unknown energy which came out of the milky cloud; more calm and serene than before, less rough and rude. During many more lifetimes his appearance changed, firstly more human-like, then to a slim ellipse with more clear white, later around the white colors, which became more calm at the latest point of time I saw him. Once when he came back he shouted: "They took her away from me! I was so close to my aim!" and colored, thin lightbeams,like lasers, bursted out of him in many directions.
[to be continued]
bye,spooky
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