Hello Everybody,

It was my intention to publish the topic hereunder, which I wrote yesterday before going to bed, but I felt a necessity to tell something more at first, because tonight I have not been wandering at all, I was settled.

It does not mean to me that I have worked out everything. It just means I have reached something.

First, I saw myself as a teacher on a large space-ship that was my home, because I have a room there. I was sent on earth to find one of my pupils, strangely. I was with a horse, climbing a mountain and could see castles behind me.

Then I was in an very large isolated house in the middle of white snowy mountains. There had been a fire and I was calling for help because I was worried, although the fire was over.

Finally, I was at a cosy small house at a family birthday-party. Later, when the party was over my mother showed me the pictures of the party and my father seemed to have been sitting next to me all the time (although he died) and he was smiling with a light on his face, telling me: "Now, I am (perfectly) happy."

I thought about giving you long and deeper explanations about this all, but I do not feel like it right now.

What I say about the general picture and parts of the puzzle at the end of my next letter is something I still have to figure out. I also feel there are concepts I should work out more practically in daily life.

I think I have been very hard on you all in part 5 of my posted topics. Although I do not have to, my sincere apologies if I sound judgemental. I am only talking for myself.

With very much love,

Wanderer


This is what I wrote yesterday :

Dear all,

I would like again to say how happy I am to have landed here. If I have been wandering all along, it is because I was searching for something I could not find and it always made me feel homeless inside. I am 27 and I have decided to find a home within myself, but I would like to make myself really comfortable, because I think that is what you do when you are at home.

I have started many new topics, but I think you should consider them branches of the same tree and I am not sure it is an entirely good tree, so I would like to take the problem to the root.

I always thought the soul was like a house. Something everybody adapts to his own needs and likings. I have not bought my house yet and it does not bother me to stay at a hotel, but I think it would be more meaningful and reassuring to me if I new I had a steady home (I will come back on this).

So, I think when you say that you should love yourself without condition, I made up my mind about this, not because you told me, but because I think I was searching for this all along. Anyway, I admit you were right and I think that Pure Unconditional Love is the most healing wave existing. I still have some way to walk, but it is not as aimlessly as previously.

As I told you previously, each time I solve an issue within myself, I encounter a new one. Like a new branch of the tree. And this is the new thing, metaphorically said: If I had to buy a house, I would not know how it should look and I am worried about another thing: Can I afford it? When I say “can I afford it”, I mean I always liked cozy places, where you would want to stay forever and where there would be chocolate cake in the fridge and a room for you to stay, but I am afraid to make commitments or promises that I cannot keep. (I am afraid to have such an open and helpful attitude, that people would keep expecting and that it would be too much for me to handle. (I must really be on unknown territory here) I think I am afraid to disappoint them, so this might be a variant of seeking for approval.)

I always liked happy colors and wooden furniture, but how I would build the house remains a mystery. I think this shows my next problem: I know so much about myself, but I feel like I am missing the general picture. Like if I had parts of a puzzle (I see the details), but I do not know how to assemble this.

I believe that before I settle, I should know what to settle for.

The positive thing is that I feel I have all the parts of the puzzle, because I have been scrutinizing myself for so long. But I do not know how to get a general picture of myself.

How can I make this work?

With love,

Wanderer