Hi Wanderer. You have travelled good distance on your life's journey, if you have become aware of what is around you and how it operates to mutual detriment.
Keep on as you are, trying to steadily climb a little further.
Perhaps simply praying for Truth, for guidance and for knowledge and asking that the way be shown to you, could be a mighty, yet subtle help.

Be prepared to leave all that is familiar, behind you, as you climb.

Best wishes.

You know, I have been more active on an emotional level lately. It started when my father died.

He came to see me in dreams, but he was not like I knew him in life. In life he was always happy and jolly, but when I saw him in dreams he looked sad and serious and indifferent.

In one dream, I was telling him I needed him and that I felt lonely without him, but he did not react. A year later he came back with a Helper. The Helper told him that he should say something to me, to reassure me, to make me feel safe. My father told the Helper : I don't know what to say! (My father said this with an underlying thought of : Is this important!).
A year later, the last time I dreamt of my father, a Helper showed me were a treasure was burried in a house. I said to that person : "That's great.  I need to show this to my father!" I left the house and came into a street that looked like ours, but the street was empty. Like a little girl, I ran to my father who was working in his garage. I was happy and said:"Daddy, I found a treasure. We always talked about that!" My father did not look up. He looked in a bad mood and was thinking "It is only you". And then he said :"I still have a lot of work. I have no time for this!" And I felt an underlying thought saying : "It is your fault if I am stuck here!" Then a Helper appeared next to me and said to me:"You cannot save someone who does not save himself. You do not belong here."

The Helper sent me a thought : Your father always pushed you to work, to be the best at all cost, even at cost of your soul. He refuses to see what harm he caused, because he only wants to see his good intentions. This is why he undergoes what he puts you through. He even blames you for his state.

I never went to see my father again. My father died 3 years ago. I still love him. I do not believe he deserves this. I do not think he is evil.

I would have stayed with him, even in hell, because too many times, when people are in trouble, everybody just leaves, because one is scared to be sucked into the trouble with that person. I did not want to leave him behind. I hope he makes it.

Wanderer

Thank you Kardec

for your heartwarming words and precious advice.

I will try to think of it as much as possible.

Sometimes, when I make progress I fear I will fall back into my old habits, because I am so used to it and because I feel insecure. I sometimes do not know what I should hold on too.

These Helpers I have met and talked to all looked so anonymous to me. It is like I do not see their face or feel their feelings. I only sense their disk, their orb, their central presence. It feels so abstract sometimes.

They sometimes need to repeat things twice (or more) to me, before I really get it, before it touches me. In the beginning, I did not even recognize them as Helpers. I thought they were just like everybody else around me and when they did a good action, I thought it was a coincidence or an unconscious move of good fortune.

I did not even notice I had ceased to believe in hope and good. I thought good, love, choice and hope were privileges, not rights. I must be deep to know such things. I take nothing for granted.

I feel I have so much to catch up.

Wanderer

Wanderer,

I once knew a girl with some similarities in her life to what you describe.  For example, she grew up in a home where there seemed to be a lot of emotional abuse and too much pressure from her father for her to work hard and succeed and do things his way.  As a result, she ended up studying something she didn't enjoy in college and then quit before she graduated.  And then her father died suddenly at a young age.  Your situation may be different in many ways from that girl, but I felt moved to respond to you because I have known someone who went through some similar issues in life.

First of all, you talked about "wrong behavior-patterns" within yourself that you were not aware of, presumably because you were brought up that way and didn't think there was anything wrong with it.  These are indeed very difficult things to resolve.  I have some wrong behavior patterns in myself also, such as perfectionism, which I have tried very hard to overcome and have only made slow and gradual progress.  My thought would be, just try to listen to other people's ways of thinking and doing things, and see if you find patterns other than your own that you admire and would like to cultivate in youself.  And don't feel guilty about the negative patterns you already have, since it wasn't your fault you developed such patterns.  The challenge is to move forward, not keep looking at the past.

You said, "Each time I solve a problem within myself, I just encounter another."  In response I would say, that's probably typical.  You are going through some major self-reflection and a period of your life where you may realize a lot of things about yourself that you want to change, and it may be a long and difficult process.  But keep trying.  I myself know about this from personal experience, because once I really seriously started analyzing my own personality and looking deep into my soul, I found a lot of things there I didn't like -- some things even that repulsed me -- and it is taking years for me to try to forgive myself for these things, overcome them and move beyond them.

You said, "The feeling I have is that, there is a problem within me and that I am constantly beating about the bush, without actually seeing or finding the bush itself."  I would like to suggest that the proverbial bush might be your sense of deep-seated inner inadequacy, as a result of your upbringing in a family where you faced emotional abuse.  If you feel inadequate and do not love yourself, then many bad personality traits will follow.  I would encourage you to do a lot of prayer and focusing on spiritual healing to help you recognize the Divine Light within yourself, and that your outward personality is not who you *really* are.

As for the dreams about your father....  First of all, I have become increasingly skeptical that dreams necessarily reflect an objective external reality in most cases.  So your dreams could reflect your own fears about him, rather than his true spiritual state.

Secondly, if your dreams about your father really are the special kind of dream that is a true vision of reality, then I would try to remember that individual souls are not fully responsible for their own progress, and even souls that are "stuck" or struggle to move on will one day find the help they need.  Contrary to the New Age doctrines of absolute free will and that people can only help themselves and solve their own problems, I believe there is an omnipotent and benevolent God who is going to save all souls in the end.  I believe this because of the testimony of the Gospel about Jesus Christ.

I would encourage you to check out Christian Universalism, which teaches that all souls will eventually be saved and enter heaven.  This teaching, which is based on a correct interpretation of the Bible, may perhaps bring you some peace concerning your father's fate in the afterlife.

My website: http://www.christian-universalism.com

I hope my comments don't sound too glib.  I just thought I'd share a few thoughts, and maybe something I said will be helpful.

Peace,
Freebird

Hi Wanderer and welcome to Afterlife Knowledge. people are responding to you I think because you come from the heart. many of us have experienced a not so pleasant childhood, yours truly included so don't feel alone. it's just a movie and you are safe here.
wanted to mention about the guides and about your dreams, to continue to pay attention to them, and not to discount them but to continue to consider what you have been given as there may be more yet to unravel. I use dreams much and derive many helpful messages from them in my journey. I have the same kind of guides that you describe in your posts, as well I have met my father in dreams and others as well and I know they are real encounters now although I cannot prove this to my friends..I no longer need to prove it. I think u do have a treasure..I think you are the treasure. thank you for sharing your thoughts with us..the plot thickens...but you are safe..love, alysia

Wanderer said: I always thought that all the answers we seek are programmed within us.
______

that's a good way to think. kind of an exciting thought actually, that there is no question does not have an answer hanging unto it.
I often think of the time delay between a question and answer session, with myself, or with those guiding influences we've been talking about above. my idea of the shift in consciousness is that the delay between the question and the answer arriving is becoming shorter...a friend of mine says to hold onto your hat, or fasten your seat belt..because we are in for the ride of our life during this time period...ok...that sounds ok, life is a bit like a roller coaster ride anyway. welcome again Wanderer, you've wandered into the right place! love, alysia

Hello there,

Thank you Dave and Alysia.

Dave, I indeed think at some level I did this to myself. But then again, I am not sure. I choose to deal with a problem as a child, that led me into the difficulties I am confronted with now.

I believe that if I had known the effect on me, as I know now AND I believe if I simply knew what I know now, I might not have picked this direction.

I still believe difficulties are meant to help us grow and overcome ourselves. I think what we call "hell",  is a result of our ignorance, a stage in which we have to learn, a world created by the thoughts we harbour and by the misconception that these "wrong" thoughts lead to happiness or hope or safety or whatever other positive state, like if the end justified the means.

I have come to greater understanding and hope my path might help others to realize what I have blinded myself for, for so long.

Thank you for your love. I really need it.

Wanderer