hmmm Mairlyn, your saying it was a self retrieval made me realize something too about me and my own mother...bong!!!

ha ha. so anyway I was calling this a retrieval of your mother: but now I think it's a retrieval of both you and your mom...throught the power of PUL which connects us. but more than that, I just realized something about relationships..how the other is a part of you. all these years I would look at my mother and I knew I wished to have her love, but I never asked myself much if I loved her..I mean, she was quirky, really, really quirky so never thought of her and I as being family, close family .so just now, thinking about all relationships, but especially those of a blood/family relationship, they truly are parts of our greater self and if we all could just learn to come together in PUL, the way you just described in this retreival, it was like you just came right from the heart and picked mom up in your arms, I mean what better example is this of a genuine and healing retrieval? you are angelic Mairlyn, I never realized this until now. and you know what? I think I'm a sensitive, ha ha, new title there. and what I was picking up is that your mom just reached a higher level of soul evolvement because of your caring, because of PUL and your compassion you've developed in your life towards all life. wouldn't be surprised if she would come a'calling on you again to bring you her gifts.
teary eyed here, love, alysia

You guys are so sweet; sometimes we forget how much work we do at night and how much our mothers are ourselves. As I’ve mentioned before, I had a rough time with my mom  .  She was loving and all that, but her life after my father’s death, scared the bejebees out of my brothers and I  . But then, after her death, she helped me to work through my divorce and the loss of my sons.  Again, my decision to have their father take over was primarily due to her experience as a single female parent with no career and a limited education. Yecch!  But getting back to her helping me after her death.  I had this reoccurring dream that I was back at the home I left after the divorce working on some issues-I guess my task was to attempt to tie up some loose ends with the new mother.  My sons and their father were always present, but in the background.  My son’s sending their love and their dad as confused as ever.  The key figure for me was their stepmother who, I was continually talking with.  My mom always stood in close proxemics to me offering quiet support in every one of those dreams as she did as an elder male during my “death” as a Native American woman on the east coast.  I need to add that I was not so supportative when she “died” this time.  I was very impatient, as is my nature and not very trusting and like Mairlyn, wished that I’d known then what I know now. I do remember lovingly holding her in my arms towards the end as she had lost so much weight but I also remember my desire to move on with my life.  I guess my desperation with the situation did bring my 3 brothers back from California in time for her last days.  Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on my self-Sorry Jean! As I look back, between January 1984 and September 1985, I moved back to N.J. with my two younger sons’ to have a few more months with them and show them where I would be, rented an apartment, bought a car, bought furniture, got my sons registered in school, and got a job.  Meanwhile, my brother got a divorce, came out gay, and moved to California.  This was devastating for my mother for she was a reader and had taken personally Phillip Wile’s book, Generation of Vipers.  Poor mom !   My sons went back to live with their father, I gave up the apartment, quit my job, moved in with my mother, I started school, went to a therapist, and fell in love with my soul mate after meeting him at a Parents Without Partners rap sessions.  My mother got cancer, I got engaged, I finished two semesters of school, had my oldest son visit for Christmas, my mother died and I got married so my sons could visit more comfortably with me that summer, moved to an island in Florida.  I realize that I still left out a lot.   But still-Sorry mom!   Sometimes life comes in big chunks when going through a major transitional period.  Whew ! 

Meanwhile, back to my mom and her support after death--that quiet presence was the same .  In both instances, it was not so much that she/he was sending love as my son’s were, but more that calm reassurance, “You’re ok-you’re doing fine” “Just proceed”, sort of thing.  Very different than the woman who was my mother during this life with her fear, mood swings and panic attacks followed by taking risks to get us into better living situations that never seemed to work out as planned  .   It’s funny how things work when we recognize them in the altered state and appreciate a broader perspective.  She left after years of having these dreams and long before the stepmother, Barbara, died.  But by the time Barbara did leave, I suspect that because of my mom’s previous support, she was able to help me achieve the position of forgiveness and to take action to back it up for both Barbara and I.  What a teacher  !  Thanks mom  !

Nowadays, my dreams mostly consist of working through my day job  with a few tips on what repairs are needed to keep my wonderful old car going  . 

My Love to both of you-keep up the good work, carry on, and I have my credit card ready for a book soon to be published.

Jean      

Dear Marilyn,

I read your post and completely understand you. I am an only child as well and being an only child often means that some situations of the family-life cannot be shared or beared with somebody else.

We are so lucky to be given a chance to talk about it here.

I myself often think "if I had known". But I do not think we are here to know everything. I am kind of sorry to say so, because I so often struggle with this theme myself. It is the first time I hear about a self-retrieval.

I think it teaches me a lot.

With love,

Wanderer