Hi Nomad
You know, there was a time not that long ago, when I believed that this life here was actually 'hell'....and the only 'hell'. In fact, I even believed that my now ex husband, was really the devil.....darn it! And living in my house! Married to me! I wrote alot of poetry at that time in an effort to try to keep myself from taking a walk into the woods and never coming back home. I wrote alot about this person, and referred to him in my writtings as the 'gatekeeper'....the one who stood at the door and watched everything that happened..the one who chose who could come in and couldn't..the one who controlled the screeming that came from within the walls.
Life here can be 'hell'....but it isn't a permanent hell....or the literal hell, as described in the Bible. Once you are in the Bible's hell, you aren't leaving..you aren't changing anything.
The cool thing about hell on earth, is that we can change it...we can leave our hell...and we can make our life different, better...even enjoyable. Really, we can. And I know....as do so many others, that at the time, we might not think it is even possible to see any different. But, it is possible....and Nomad, you will see.
You must be going thru something right now that is awful.....even unbearable....or, maybe it is something that you have gone thru long ago.....only you know.
But honest to God....it can get better. You don't need to leave this life to find peace or a loving life...you can find it all here. Maybe what you need to do is start talking to someone who you can trust...about what is making you feel this way. Once you start talking to that person, maybe then you will be able to start seeing something different...and in time, start to feel different. We never start to feel better in an instant..it takes time...but it does start to happen.
I know myself how hard it all can be....first step is to trust yourself to start thinking and talking about whatever it is that is wrong..and allow yourself to forgive and heal. There is great love in the afterlife....but there is also great love here too. You just need to let yourself be open to it.
Maybe I am out of line here.....
...but, I hope not..and I hope that I have been able to help you at least a little bit.
Chin up.....MD