Hi Leslie and welcome to the board!

You have some very good questions and I think many... if not all of us have asked these same questions.  In answer to one of your questions... yes I think we always have free will choice in everything both here and in the afterlife. 

With each thought we have in each and every moment we are making a choice and those choices are dictating what our life is like.  I'm sensing that you are perhaps not very happy with the way you have created your life to be.  That happens with all of us from time to time.

What works for me is to slow my thoughts down so that I can become aware of what unconscious decisions I'm making.  That way if I'm choosing something that I don't really want, I can consciously make a decision to choose something else.  The same goes for how we feel about something.  We can choose how we want to feel at any given moment in time.  This sounds like a simple solution, but it does work.

Please continue to share with us.

Love and peace,
Kathy

Your description of your life seems a bit like the Buddhist description, paraphrased: (1) Life is suffering (because it is imperfect), (2) Suffering comes from attachments (to stuff that doesn't work), (3) Ending attachment ends suffering, (4) The 8-fold path (and other methods) end attachments.

The first step is to decide to do it. The second step is to find a path that agrees with you. The West focusses on spiritualism, ghosts, past life, spirit world exploration etc, leading to prgressively greater awareness. The East focusses on direct attainment of God-awareness through relatively intense effort. Take your pick and read a bit.

For the Western approach, you might try reading about astral projection and entities. Bruce has a number of books, and a training program that is quite decent -  well worth my money, and autographed too!  Or try a past life regression with a competent hypnotist (try the IARRT, IBH or IHF sites).

For the Eastern, try Hatha Yoga Pradipika, or the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, orfor classical reading, the Upanishads. Tibetan Buddhism offers excellent material, and the venerable Evans-Wentz book Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrines is a great overview.  If you feel inclined toward yoga, Swami Sivananda used to tell his disciples that they would attain samadhi (basic enlightemtnt) in six months if they worked at it. His school is probably a good place to investigate.

The Sufis in the Middle East have a number of approaches as well, of which Kirpal Singh's book Surat Shabd Yoga, The Cosmic Sound Stream (I may have the title wrong) is an excellent reference. Most large cities have yoga centers oriented about Surat Shabd yoga, or an equivalent. Some of them are from the Kashmir and have a Saivite flavor. The goal is to place awareness into the heart chakra and allow the sound of the gong to carry you into awareness. It's also mentioned in the Upanishads.

The key is to DO IT. Spiritual growth does not occur through thinking, nor through understanding esoteric philosophy, but through DOing. Pick a path, try it out, change when appropriate, but keep on DOing. You'll get what you need. Enjoy!

dave