12/23/09 - Morning session:

Exercise 3-cd Questions

[b]1. What impressions of the energy did you have after it gathered at the heart?

2. Describe any feeling at the center of your chest that might indicate a buildup of energy there?[/b]

Session starts with a nerve spasm under side of right thigh, left side follows a line about six inches long… energy ridge forming… energy activity above the eyes… image of bald headed man… (Lobsang Rampa…??) long energy spasm line at heart level… right side… extending about 6 to 8 inches down and penetrating the solar plexus…

[highlight of exercise… I discovered a belief system which is the basis of my repression of love emotions… the computation is… that great love attracts or is followed by great pain… it comes from another life… saw a Chinese man… was that me??? ]

I need to now figure out how to handle this development.

1. There is the Change belief system procedure.
2. There is the ‘ask a burning question’ exercise.
3. There is ‘let the thing develop… continue to do the   
    Heart/Love exercise until it seems like there is nothing 
    more to pull up??
4. It seems one can do this one exercise series forever and
   get new material. Do that until it stops yealding new
   information or press on through the book to the end… this
   is a dilemma.

S.

12/24/09 - Taking a break today, that was a major breakthru yesterday which will require a great deal of analysis to dissect the influences that are barriers to my spiritual goals in present time.  Those belief systems are still there and influence my growth for good or ill. I always wondered why I never had the usual love experiences in this life… now I know… I spent a lifetime suppressing love… I seemed to have a computation that said if you want power… love was a barrier to making cold calculated decisions of life, death… deception, cunning and the like require the identification of the naïve and exploiting them… my computation seemed to be to avoid liking or loving someone… because it would skew your aims… I seemed to develop a belief system around this idea… it, the belief system of course is wrong… it was wrong then and is definitely wrong now because I am not in a position to acquire any sort of power now… nor do I want it… and even if it were true for people who wish to acquire power… I don’t need this belief system in this life… yet it hung around, left over from the past sitting there silently influencing my life and actions in the present,creating irrational situation and actions now that made no sense... this is were this all comes from...

S.