Greetings,
Hawkeye recently mentionned that he felt self-retrievals were authentic, so I thought I'd give one another try. I've long sensed something (someone?) was missing but didn't know where to start.
I recalled a year ago that a then newcomer to this site
asked my husband and I if he could visit us OB and we agreed. The very next day, that 'newbie'
wrote us that our floors were uneven and that we had some ritualistic-looking stained glass around. True!
(My husband has done most of the stained glass we have and we're surprised to find six-pointed stars in his finished original designs, even though he says he didn't plan them. I do have alot of information that he was Jewish in his previous life, but that's another story.)
So this fellow was right on regarding our surroundings! -- so how could he be so wrong about another sight he saw, a little girl riding a tricycle around and around the yard and block?! Children don't ride trikes around here now as it's too hilly and no sidewalks. And ghost children don't relate to our lives.
Oh well, his two out of three wasn't bad, I thought.
Yesterday, looking for a way to find my missing part, I decided to meditatively ask the little girl on the bike if she might be part of me. I recalled I did have a trike when my mother and I lived within a city where there were sidewalks. The block we lived on was large and the children my age lived diagonally way across the block, so I soon learned to peddle hard to get over to visit them. We were all about four years old, pre-schoolers in slightly safer times than now.
--That's how far my conscious mind got into this; then the scenario "took on a life of its own."
I was on my trike at the farthest corner of the block staring away down the side road. I was thinking that since I had a trike that goes fast and since that road goes on further, that if I were just allowed to cross the street, I could ride to freedom!! I could go far away and be free and safe !!
But maybe I would need to practice first, since I remembered I had to practice riding alot before I could get very far on that thing. So I postponed my 'flight to freedom' and started practicing, peddling as fast as I could for as long as I could ! I pedalled and pedalled!
My consciousness returned to my mature(?) self as I walked up behind the little girl. She heard me coming and peered suspiciously back over her shoulder, keeping her hands and feet on the bike, ready to take off again.
"I think I know you," I heard myself say. "Please don't leave; I'd like to talk to you." A large tree stood nearby offering shade. Its roots had destroyed the sidewalk there so peddling was rough going. It seemed a good place to stop and talk. The child nodded OK.
"I know you've got a plan to get away," mature me said. She looked startled, then relaxed with her secret released. "You don't have to leave after all ! You can come with me, since we were made for each other." (? I was unsure as to what to say.)
I'd sat down on one knee and held my arms out to her. She seemed relieved and moved toward me. She easily moved forward and let her head rest on my neck. "We're safe now, Dottsie." I ussed a pet name her brothers called her later after they were born. By this point, I figured time really didn't matter and maybe she'd recognize it, since our consciousness was really one.
As I took her in my arms I felt the 'soul meld' vibration of other retrieval and non-physical visiting experiences. I didn't know how it could but these vibrations seemd to indicate that the retrieval seemed to be working! So I kept holding her close until she just gradually dissappeared and I fell asleep.
This morning I expected that with a sense of 'child' restored in me. that I'd be experiencing some joy. That's not the case yet; she was a serious child. My heart does feel some fullness that wasn't there before and I feel more focussed, like I'm no longer looking around for something that's missing.
If you have any ideas for how I can ' perk her up,' please let me know
Thanks for reading all this, those who got this far!
Betson