Many thanks for that Gordon.
I can empathise with that as in 1982 my life went to hell and I tried to commit suicide, so I can remember thinking that there was nothing left for me at the time to look forward to except more of the same.
I was so angry at 'them up there' and I was ready to find the guy in charge and ask him just what the hell he thought he was doing giving me all this crap, particularly as we're supposed to never be given more than wee can handle. At the time I decided that it was really more than I could handle and someone had really screwed up in my case.
Needless to say I'm still here nearly 30 years on! 
However, I notice that in Michale Newton's books he deals with suicides and one person lets fly at a guide, accusing him of not understanding what she went through. The guide then showed this suicide what he had experienced to show that he really DID understand.
However, I believe that there's another factor, and this one still puzzles me.
When we come into the ELS we forget all about where we've come from so we're only working with what we know at the time. Our guides and helpers know the full story, we don't, so it appears to me that we're hamstrung by this very act of forgetting, which alters the balance of our (lack of) understanding and we make even more errors by committing suicide -even though that seemd to be the only 'logical; way out at the time.
I remember when I decided to end it all finally being very clear for the first time for ages about what to do. After weeks of pain and confusion I just gave up, decided that the cavalry weren't going to ride over the hill to save me, and that as everyone though I was an idiot and with no redeeming qualities that the best thing to do would be to get the hell out of the way.

Which seems extreme now, but that was how I felt at the time......

So: is there a way that you can get a sense of the full story of your life and keep going when everything's turning to ashes, or is the forgetting your spiritual origins just something built into the ELS system and you have to accept it and put up with it?

Sometimes it seems to hard to continue. I'm working with the Hemisync tapes but I seem to have reached a block where I can't get any further. I have beliefs about all this, but I want to get them to become knowns.

Best wishes,

David.

David---
On a personal note-- 16 years ago I had a severe firbromyalgia attack which lasted 9 1/2 -- 24 hours a day without let up. After it started to calm down, the after pain lasted months. My pain was located just below the breast line, went all around to my back, but did not hurt under my arms. I BEGGED the doctors to help, and their advise was to stop hyper ventalating. (I was actually hypo-ventalating). My PCP sent me to mental health 3 times to be analyized. I went three months in discomfort before and arthritis doctor told me it was fibro.
During the time of the massave attack where I couldn't breath correctly or even talk without strain, I kept questioning WHY? What is all this pain for? I kept invisioning someone with a vodu doll and kept a vice tightly around my lower chest and laughing at me.  I tried to meditate, but had no relief for 9 1/2 days. It made me feel that something must be wrong in my head (I argued with the doctor that it was physically wrong in my head) and that the higher spirits wanted me to go through all this pain.  I still haven't a clue why I had to suffer with that horrible attack.  In this state, New Hampshire, some years later, a registered nurse took her own life because of a fibromyalgia attack.  I prayed for her spirit to find full recovery. 

I never thought of suscide as an alternative, but remember the massave attack started to let up on the 10th day. However, I question the pain I went through to this day.

I am happy that you decided to stay with us and join this forum.  Perhaps by using the TMI CD's and hemisync, we both will find answers to our inner most questions.

Love Carol Ann

Hi Carol Ann and Bets,
many thanks for your replies.
My point here is that we make 'mistakes' in our lives because we don't know what we're here for, and actually trying to get a handle on what our life path or issues should be seems loaded against us, while we have the forgetting.
I'm a musician in this life -and I must have been one in the past because I knew things about music without knowing how when I was younger, if you see what I mean.....
Now I can look at other musicians and folks I've worked with in the past and see how they're succeeding in a much more focussed way. It's not about the fame or fortune (although the latter is always nice!  ) but the fact that they are totally focussed on what they're doing in this life, are obviously getting fulfilment right from the start, and just getting on with it without doubts, worries or side alleyways.
In my life I've often wondered just what the hell I'm here for and what I'm supposed to be doing. The frustration and confusion can get to you at the best of times because you can't see the real (big?) picture of your life.
So getting back to the original point, at times you can ask yourself what has my life been for -and if the answer that comes up is 'nothing' then you begin to think that this current life is wasted, worthless and that maybe you'll never either find your path or achieve your goals.
If life has no meaning (and this is independent of whether you're experiencing physical pain or not) then why continue in a meaningless exercise?
My argument is not necessarily one of physical or emotional pain (although I've had lots of the latter at times) but spiritual loneliness -I think that's the term, I can't express this any other way at the moment. If you feel at the inner most core of your being so very alone and that you can't get a link with guides and soul family, there comes a great sadness that never entirely goes away.
Even though I can be surrounded by other musicians in an orchestra or on jazz gigs, part of me still feels separate, despite the oneness of making music. At the end you always end up with yourself and nobody else.
I don't know if this is making any sense at all  but I hope you folks understand.
I think it's this longing for a lost connection that can drive people to suicide. Mind you, when we get up there and our guides say 'why did you come back early' the only answer seems to be 'because AT THE TIME AND WITH THE INFORMATION I HAD  that seemed to be the best/only course left open'.

So if we could remember MORE (not necessarily all) of our origins and life issues when we're down here, it might make things in the ELS just a bit more 'sensible' (if that's the right word) and we wouldn't keep getting off the path and even reegressing.

Hope you understand.
Love
David.

Well, I have to say that my own feelings are that whatever we choose to do is ok...it is all a learning experience no matter which way we jump. I think Robert Monroe said something about suicide being a person's inalienable right...can't remember where I read it, but I think that way myself.

It's good to try hard to occasionally separate out what is really cultural or "religious" and absolute brain washing in our beliefs about things (like suicide for example) and what is basically intrinsic to human-ness and our inherent divinity.

To "see" from a "charismatic" point of view, that is, to see through a lens and perhaps even a second lens, rather than looking directly with judgment or resistance and fear at something, gives freedom from the restraints imposed by others.

I claim the right to freedom to decide when I truly have had enough...bearing in mind that there are poorly developed powers within myself to alter my reality if I focus on that. If I seek to develop those powers, I can change my world. When things get really, really pissy I watch The Secret again and read snatches from Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting.

And I remember other times when there were individuals in my life who thought I was worthless (excuse me, remember that thing about finger pointing and four fingers pointing back, always true that one) and I remember great things I went on to achieve afterward.

It isn't about others' approval, you and only you know what you have accomplished here. You can be treated like the lowest worm on earth and go stand beside the mighty ocean and hear it roar and know you are, really, the only one on earth who has to answer for you.

When my daughter died, what lifted me and brought me through that valley of endless tears was, of all unexpected things, the consistent thread of integrity that has characterized my life...since then it has often occurred to me how vital a lifetime of at least mostly consistent integrity is when things go to hell.

Thing is, there are others who would laugh at my faith in my own integrity for they would see only faults. But I know when I bring my basket of goodies to God at the end of it all, I am bringing a Quality Product to that throne. And I feel proud of my basket of goodies.

I'd like to do something really wonderful like Monroe or Bruce have done, but for me, I am satisfied with what I have achieved so far and hope to do better things in years ahead.

Suicide has haunted me since the age of 12 and I have attempted suicide a few times, and been amazed at how difficult it is to do it right.

Yes, I have a kit on hand always, I hope not to die of a series of strokes over years and years like my mother did. But I can't control those circumstances except in sensible ways. In the end, I will try to learn and expand my spiritual beingness no matter how the end comes. But if I have my choice, I will not suffer for years begging others to finish it for me.
Vee

We live in a paradox: We agree to come to earth, forgetting all that we have learned. Once here, we spend all of our earth life trying it remember!
cat

Yes, Cat, my point exactly! 

Love,

David.