I would be grateful for any compassionate and loving help you can provide.  I'm so tired.  I want to do things but I get so tired I end up sitting in front of the TV or laying in bed because I have no energy to do anything else.  I try but can only do a little of something before my exhaustion takes over and I end up in bed or in front of the TV trying to rest.  My husband is very frustrated and I totally understand his frustration.  Please, if possible, send love.  I very much appreciate all you do for those who need a guiding, ccompassionate hand.

Thank you so much, DocM.  I am feeling much better today.  I was going through a bad time this last week (well, for a long time actually) and felt like I was being utilized for some sort of competition.  Through it all, though, I am hearing that I only need to "just be yourself."  This is such an interesting journey.  A kind soul told me recently "there will always be competition" and I understand this now and it's okay.  However, I am learning that I, myself, am not into competing.  People, all my life, have gotten so angry with me because I'm not into competition.  This, I don't understand, but it's okay.  They have the right to their perception.  I'm different in this aspect and I'm sure there are others like me.  And, also, it is okay not to fight someone's notion of a war (there seems to be so much war stuff going on now).  Not everyone is into competition and wars.  Well, I'm not anyhow.  There's enough to go around, if we just open our eyes and see.  And it's okay.  I'm learning I can't speak for others journeys and need to choose my own.   And others have the right to their own journey.  Also, I'm actually learning love doesn't need to suffer to exist.  You can have a bright spirit and a warm body, my goal anyhow.

And I'm learning it's okay to talk about my feelings too.  The more I realize this, the more I feel like myself again.  It's a learning process.

I'm also learning that it's okay to ask for help.  Growing up, it was some sort of notion that you weren't suppose to and that I had to protect everyone (particularly my mom and dad [there was a lot of anger in my environment]) when, actually, they are quite capable of taking care of themselves.  But it's okay to ask for help.  So thank you for your kindness and thank you to everyone here for their kindness.  I am interested in learning from other journeys as they are unique in their own right.  

Thank you again.

it sounds like you are getting into a good place Hope. I'm glad to hear it and especially glad you can talk about it here.
sometimes this board amazes me.
I'm not into competition either and I totally agree you are just being yourself, I admire that.

love to you, and it can only get better from here. alysia

Just read this thread this morning, I completely identify with everything everybody has said. Hope, you are so right about what you said about competition and trying to be what others want you to be, can't be done. In retirement and with the help of this Board and its enlightened members, I am learning to be free in becoming more of who I have always really been, and the happiness and relaxation there is in that, I regret I did not ever allow myself that freedom before. The pressure from the world around us to be a certain way, is incredibly hard to overcome. I am sorry to say I gave i when I should have just been my best real self all along. No wonder I carry so much anger and perhaps now it will ease off. I am learning so much from all of you. Vee