Hi Cheeks,
"I am a counselor" Alan. You`ve uncovered me.. You sly little imp.
And I find it very impairative that
YOU NOT drop the issue at all, but rather take a serious look at it. The topic is not useless Alan, as the topic possibly "only" affects you
briefly "here on this board" at times, however in your real life out there your eyes, ears and mind is confronted with it possibly every day. My objective: is for you to confront yourself and look at the past with all its gory details and then
work it thru step by step, so to be able to free your
real self of the "useless baggage" as you called it. You can`t free yourself of it when even clinging onto small memories okay. All the tears that you`ve held in so long over your versions of unjustice all these years have held you back in many ways, from shining your bright and beautiful light at fullest possible strength dear. The unjustice is NOT that it all happened to you, the unjustice takes place whereby no one has held your hand and walked you thru it still today. Guess whaaaaat? Whenever you are ready, just start an off topic thread and we`ll work it thru, one package at a time. It will end up as a thread where you spill your heart, and it will be a long one for sure. The beauty of it is, that your topic will help hundreds besides yourself.
If you read the other thread in which I answered to Rondele, you will have noticed that I had a pretty neat life so far. Just to click into one particular topic, the molestation. Hmmm that was a very hard one for me to over come. There was vivid hate present in my heart for many many years Alan. Anger that those around me did not protect me from such abuse as a small child. Therapy as a young adult seemed not to eleviate the pain I carried within my heart. After I finished my studies - I decided to buy my agressor a plane ticket and let him live in my house and I fixed breakfast for that booger for 30 days, every morning I sat infront of my agressor and the first coupleof mornings I wanted to carve his heart out with my butter knife..
however I had realised inside that "he wasn`t hurting inside, so I thought" until one morning I looked at him and said "I remember what you did and it hurt me a great deal, I want you to know that". And he almost choked on his toast. I told him "I forgive you now" and I want you to forgive yourself too. He got up from the breakfast table without a word, went downstairs in his bedroom and this almost 50 year old man must have cried for 6 hours straight.
I had come to realise that even though it was pittyfully sick what he had done to me, anger and hate would not heal my wounds, but rather "love" would and did. I am much more happier now Alan, of course he is too. I sent him back to the USA shortly thereafter and end is well - all is well.
I am not suggesting that you call up your perpetrators and invite them to your home and hug them, that was my only way - hinse I had tried everything else I knew of first. What I am suggesting is to take a
good look at what the "hanging on to the past, what type of manifastation has molded within your heart
by your holding on to it and what its done to you personally". Maybe look at what the holding on to it has caused you
to become inside of yourself and
then realise that "the unjustice is no longer being done to you, as you are "now" an adult and have the choice of what you allow being done to you mentally as well as physically. You are a very quick learner Alan - I know this. And once you get past that obstacle you will feel much more "light" within, for that type of light needs place to thrive in and does not want to reside together with inner darkness, honey okay.
And now you may understand how come your butt ended up on this board. Everything in life has a reason Alan, everything dear and I know that you know this already, it merely a matter of fine tuning... and Alan you may "think" that you are an "old fella, but at heart I know that you are still 20!" and theres nothing wrong with that, you still have alot to give.
Give yourself a pat on the back - you`ve made a long haul and you`ve done great buddy!
Hugs,
Nanner