It was very important and he needed to make sure I knew he was indeed completing his studies and training up there.


"I'm learning how to live in a Christian body."

When my Dad was growing up he was raised a Baptist.  My Grandparents never made him go to church or anything like that but if he was asked his religious preference he would say he was Baptist.

After he returned from Vietnam he wasn't the same person.  He drank and smoked pot and kept to himself much more.  He was his platoon leader (Army) and saw many of his fellow soldiers die.  He himself was shot down out of a helicopter and suffered some gunshot wounds to his back and bottom, not to mention the most horrible of all, being sprayed with Agent Orange.

My Aunt and Uncle decided that my Dad needed God in his life more than ever.  They saw how much he had changed and it scared them.  They basically tried to shove religion down his throat and he told them to leave him alone once and for all because he didn't believe in God.

My Mom always said she didn't think he meant it, he only said it to get my Aunt and Uncle off his back and it worked.  

When he learned he had terminal cancer he told his wife he didn't want a funeral service.  He had been to too many funerals in his life and he didn't want some preacher he didn't even know reciting bible verses and carrying on like they do.  He wanted to be cremated and in place of a wake he wanted friends and family to come to his house and be together and eat and share memories.  We held a memorial for him which I think he would have really been pleased with.

Sorry to go on that big spill but I felt like I should tell a little bit about why this dream is so significant.  His eyes were sparkling the way they always would when he got excited about something, he was smiling his big, toothy grin, and love and peacefulness eveloped him.  I felt like he needed to let me know he was just fine and I didn't need to worry.

About a month ago he came to me in a dream and he also gave words of comfort then too.  He said, "I'm not upset she's dating Thomas."  He's referring to his wife.  When my Grandmother died on April 16th the latest rumor about his wife was that she was already dating again.  I was totally POd about it and I couldn't get it off my mind, and I guess he needed to tell me he wasn't upset and that I shouldn't be either.  I haven't given it another thought since he told me that.  

Thanks for reading this.  I know it was kinda long.  

Thanks Alysia. 

I'm glad to know he doesn't want me to worry.

Rick,

Thanks so much for that response.  I wanted to tell you and Alysia that I've already had another dream with my Dad giving me yet another message.

I am having some major trouble with my husband's family (IL's... what can you do?) and he is basically going to have to choose between them and me.  They are a sick bunch of people and they don't like me much.  Because I'm too nice!  

Anyway, this is really been stressful for both my husband and me and I've been praying about what I should do.  About 4 nights ago I dreamed my phone rang and it was my Dad calling.  I picked up and said "Hello?" and his voice was just as clear as day:  "Don't do it, P."  P is short for Peanut which was/is his nickname for me since I was a baby.

I remember feeling my heart pound and my eyes bugging out at hearing his voice because I was asking myself how it was possible that he was calling?  He has already passed!

Nothing else was said but I got the distinct feeling he was warning me - obviously.

I love him.  

Alysia,

Yes, I think his warned directly relates to the situation with my in-laws.  They want me to go to their house and apologize for something I didn't do.  I have put up with their malice, lies, and just flat out psychotic behavoir since I met my husband.  His sister tried to ruin our wedding and then she tried to ruin the babyshower his family wanted to give for me.  I don't know how on earth folks can live in such a twisted reality like they do.  There's constant conflict and drama going on with them and if they aren't mad at someone in the family then things aren't 'right'.   They never came to terms with the passing of a close relative and their mental states have spiraled out of control.  His Aunt's two teenaged daughters ran away and stayed with friends for a while last year because it got so bad.

What they want to do is get me over there and trap me.  I don't know what else my Dad would've been referring to in his message.  I feel like he knows the situation I'll find myself in if I agree to go there and try to talk to them.  My husband is scared to stand up to his Aunt because she's the one who creates the problems.  He's also hesistant because she's really the only family left other than his Grandmother.  She lives with his Aunt and they sort of feed each other's emotions and egg the drama on.  The Grandmother is one of those bible thumpers, as we down South like to call them, so she hails from the old school southern Baptist ways of the real hellfire and brimstone.  She can quote any bible verse and anytime she gets upset she starts in with all the biblical references and the holy rollin' ranting and raving about good vs evil,  the devil working his evil on you, and children of God, etc.   I know she's in her 70's and she's set in her ways but sometimes I'd like to stick an apple in her mouth.  

Sorry for that long story but I wanted to explain the situation.  I know my Dad wouldn't want me to go over there.  I didn't do a single solitary thing to any of them so there's nothing for me to apologize for.  They Aunt keeps telling my husband he needs to "get control over his wife".   If my Dad was still here he'd say they were nuts and to stay away, and let my husband handle them because they're his family.  I think that's why he said "Don't do it" in my dream.  I could be wrong but there's really nothing else going on right now that's worrying me.  

I'm definately being spiritually tested.  I've never dealt with people like this, this extreme and displaced, before in my life.  I let them steamroll over me too many times and because I've put my foot down I'm the new enemy.  I won't let them ruin any more holidays or be the subject of their jokes and nastiness.  

After all I do every day:  work full time, care for two kids, pick up and take them to daycare, do all the house work myself, cook....  the last thing I need is them trying to convince me I'm the problem.  

Okay, vent over.  

Rick has good things to say...

the more I read you and your dad Kate, it just seems like life is too short to drink sour wine and that your dad is telling you don't go over to someone else's house if the intention u already know is to be hashing over some problem which somebody else has, that you never claimed there was a problem in the first place.  if they invite you for tea and crumphets, well, that's different, but they already want to extract something from you, rather than give something to you...like Rick says, it has purpose to them, but the choice is yours in the end, for you to be fullfilling someone else's expectations bout how you should behave.

I think the spiritual test in the end, is not whether or not to comply with their wishes, but to check your reaction monitor within your own self and to keep a check on the anger you are feeling so that it does not disrupt your own home life, which I'm sure you have a lovely little family, and that it's your job to keep peace in your own household, not someone else's.

I wish you strength, and I say again, you are one blessed person to have your dad looking after you! love, alysia

Kate

perhaps you could mentally ask your dad to explain a little more about what he meant.  He might be referring to some response you will have to something in the future. That was a fairly explicit statement, and you already know not to go over to your relative's house. M aybe you could ask for a clarification

Lucy and Alysia,

I am going to try both of your suggestions right now.  Judson is asleep and he should stay that way for a few more hours.  My Mom and my daughter and I played with him for two hours and tired him out, so I'm going to take advantage of the free quiet moments I'm having now (it's quite nice ) and do those two things.

A top tooth just cut through for him so I know it won't be long till the irritabilty wakes him up.  

I'll let you know how I fare.  I suppose it might not happen right away but I'll keep trying.  I'm willing to try anything.

Love,
katie

Rick,

That's an awesome suggestion.  I will start this tonight.

I'm so glad I have you all.  I count myself lucky.

Recoverer,

No, I haven't heard of that book but I'm definately up for going and getting it.  I was just at Borders today so I could've gotten it then.  I'll go this weekend because I'm itching for some retail therepy.  Thanks for suggesting it - can't wait to read it.

And I also wanted to report on how things are going at the moment with my in laws.  They finally realized I wasn't going to back down and I continued not having any contact with them.  When they wanted to see my son my husband would take him over there to visit.  6 months have passed now and they have extended a peace offering, and have said we should forgive each other for what happened, not speak about it or rehash anything ever again, and pick up where we left off in being a family.  Life is too short.

Tomorrow night they want me to come over and eat dinner.  It's my husband's late Mother's birthday and we always get together and have a family dinner to celebrate.  I've decided to go even though I'm anxious and feel mentally defensive but I'm going to keep a positive attitude and do my part to show them that I want us to get along again.  I know God will take care of me, of all of us, so I just need to have faith.

On a cheerful note, I think my Dad sent me another little message.  I don't think it's a coincidence.  My daughter and I stopped at Starbucks this morning for hot chocolate (her) and a White Chocolate Mocha (moi) and when we walked in and got in line a very familiar song was playing.  Willie Nelson was on and he was singing, "Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys".  My Mom and Dad taught us this song when we were little kids and we used to sing along to WN all the time.  He was one of my Dad's favorites.  It's ironic this happened the day before the dinner with my in laws.  I'm listening Dad.  


Thanks for reading,

Katie