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spooky2
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Alysias invitation for doing a retrieval motivated me to post this one, a few days before her post:
June 3rd, 2006
Initial meditation state, presumedly Focus 10, my "young" guide was near, it was like he came through a door into a room I was in. I thought: "This first state, Focus 10 often is like a waiting room, and when it is, you have the possibility to meet your helpers if you want to." It came on my mind that I had thought last night that I could/should do a retrieval again. "The helper knows this, he's reading my mind anyway" I thought then. So then, retrieval now? I started to adjust myself, what is a retrieval, what to do, the right mood, and to connect to the main energy source, to let it's light radiate through me. Then --CLICK--
"Darkness...ah well, retrieval zone.", I thought. I tried for some time to get a picture. First nothing, then moving weak patterns, forming, becoming more stable. "Is this it? I doubt it, seems like made up...it won't fade, so ok, I accept it."
A woman, around 30 years old, was sitting on a bench, not in the normal way, but like one would sit on a horse, the bench had no back. Before her on the bench was an item she was busy with, looks like she was reading in a book. Then I noticed a man, also around 30 years old, they talked.
I tried to get a clearer view, I zoomed in, it seemed then I was very near the woman, and zoomed out, and the scene became so little that I couldn't see it anymore, these zooming was very quick, moving back and forth with very high speed, but without any physical sensations of movement. When I was far away from the scene, I thought: "Have I lost it now? No...as long as I remember the picture I can go back...Should I? Yes, I probably should. OK, back then." I was back at the scene with the woman sitting on the bench and the man, and I could rotate the scene, view it from all angles, it was very close to the feeling I had when I had a 3D picture on my computer monitor and I rotate it by movements of the computer's mouse. But, interestingly, the quality of the picture didn't improve, it wasn't like a physical clear picture, it was like I knew a bit of what was there, interpreted it into a visual, but the resolution of this visual was limited.
The woman had long hair and was wearing a simple light summer gown. The landscape I saw in the background was very hilly, below was a little vilage. It was all somehow old fashioned, or like of a fairy tale, not a scene on physical earth at any point of time, but I wasn't certain about it.
While I circled around the scene, not perceived by the persons, I asked myself if the man was as real as the woman. I knew this all was about the woman. The man's impression to me was less real than the woman's.
The man then left and went in the village's direction. The woman on the bench rolled something together like a paperroll. She then also walked down to the village. I followed her, but, surprisingly, it wasn't easy. When I came near to her, I floated back again, was somehow not in control of a steady close distance to her, it was again a back and forth, and I had to put some effort to focus on her, but finally this back-forth faded and I could then follow her in a normal way.
She arrived at a little house in the village, in the door another, older man was waiting for her, he has something on his head, it was glowing white, I tried to figure out what it was, a hat or a crown, but couldn't see what, only a diffuse light emission at his top-of-head-area. They greeted. I thought it could be very well her father. Then they were inside the house, I too, (like usual, in a position a bit aside them and above their heads), it was a room with a table, two chairs standing opposite at the table. Behind it, in the background, was something like a little kitchen corner or a sideboard for meals. They sat down at the desk, face to face. "Dinner" I thought. There were plates.
"Are there more people than the two?" I thought, "And what is this at all? Isn't it all fantasy?" Helper: "What do you see? What people are there?" I thought, "Well, let's see...The woman, the man/father, a female cook or kitchen maid, children running around- this in the order of their reality, while the maid and the children are much less real (merely transparent and faded again quickly) than the woman and the man/father." Helper: "Then it is so. It's ok."
While I was thinking the above, the woman and the man/father were still sitting at the table having dinner. I was kind of waiting, why am I here? Something was about the woman. Nothing happened for a while. Then all of a sudden, the woman fell down back with her chair and bumped hard on the floor- in such a way that I thought ok, this is it, it's a deadly heart attack. But no, she moved and got back on her feet and staggered quickly around in the direction of the house's door, she ran into some furniture and tore it all down, I was astonished, what was that? It was as if she had something between an epileptic and hysteric attack, the man/her father was after her, catched her, wrestled her down, and held her down, and after a little while her resistance ceased and she relaxed; but not in her mind, there were intense impressions of her thoughts/feelings emerging from her to me, and I tried to put in words what she had on her mind: She suffered terribly, it wasn't that much a bodily pain, it was a hopelessness, a feeling of to be prisoned for eternity, these attacks made a sort of an outcast of her, no chance to flee, no chance that this will ever change, despairing, she want this existence to have an end; she had a mental picture, the door of the house, the path outside, this path she won't never ever walk to her freedom because she was forever bound to this place.
The man/father carried her and layed her on a bed. He obviously was familiar with this kind of attacks, seems to be a chronic illness of her. She was resting. I was floating about six feet above her feet and looked at her face. Then she seemed to notice me, looked back in my direction. I realized I was unsure what to do, moved back and shielded me and thought "Now, what shall I do? A retrieval, as usual?" Helper: "Right on, go ahead!". I moved back and looked at her face/eyes again, I concentrated to radiate. She saw me, I guess as a human-shaped light. "You want to go away from here. You asked for it. Right?" She rolled aside on the bed, obviously she thought she was hallucinating, and feared another attack of her illness, and tried to get away. I said: "No no, this is not an insanity attack. Calm down. I don't do what you don't want." I moved a bit backwards to show her that I wasn't dangerous. I continued: "But if you want, I could help you to move away from here." She said, slowly: "Yes...well..." I moved to her side beneath the bed and reached out my hand to her. She gave me her hands. CLICK
We then were standing in a landscape similar to the previous. I concentrated on a helper to come, I felt I needed help. She was becoming unsure, if this was allright, and what it was at all. There were people in some distance to us, having a walk. Near to us I noticed some semi-transparent, human-shaped figures. Where she should go to? Where does she belong to? A little house with the closest neighbours a mile away? No, she would have fear of to be alone with strangers; a lonely house with no neigbours? That would be too lonely. Something with other people, but with privacy and relative anonymity, like living in an appartment in a big building in a city. I needed help, she began worrying. Someone with the function of a porter or adviser for this area I wished to be with us, and then there appeared a figure, tall, diffuse, white glowing, he (the being felt more male) came near to her, and she walked to him, and stepped into the figure, they then moved away. I was curious, and concentrated on following them, which was difficult. Then I found myself in a room which looked liked a normal small office with a desk and chairs, and I was relieved, this surrounding was providing an atmosphere of safety, familiarity, that everything was on the right track now, and the woman, she was sitting at one side of the desk, had calmed down too, the white tall figure had turned into an officer of some kind (if the officer was at all the same person as the tall white figure), and he showed her mental pictures of a sort of hotel, an own appartment, events for newbies, joint meals. She questioned if this really all was for free, and if, why, and why they cared for her. The officer said: "It's all for free, money doesn't count here, there's enough of all for all here, many newbies like you are here, I and my colleagues do this because we want to do this, this helping work."
The woman cared much for her father. She worried what's going on now there where she came from. The officer showed it to her, and I was able to see it too. Her father was at her bed, he touched her body to check what's up with her and realized she was dead, and he cried. He called for someone, and a man came and saw what had happened, and they discussed and organized what had to be done further. The father had anticipated that this one day would happen as it had happened now. He was now calm and composed. The woman realized this and it was ok for her. I had thought she maybe would decide to go back, but she found it was allright as it was.
But what I realized, on my part, was what I was uncomfortable with for awhile then but couldn't think about it until this moment: I had guided her out of her life, from one perspective I brought death, but brought her to another life. Take a life, give a life.
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After this retrieval, I had mixed emotions. All in all, it's strange, but it feels not good. It is like a burden. It is the emotions, they are still coming back when I think of it.
Spooky
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Guide of death and life (Read 8137 times)
