The Child Waited
On the mind screen came a faint outline of a pump house in back of a residence.  A feeling of isolation. Another feeling of intense loneliness was all about and in the air. It spoke of people who simply didn’t pay attention to others, except to take care of their own needs of the moment. Such was my chosen childhood station. From an observing viewpoint I, as a pinpoint of attention gazed at the pump house attempting to define the edges and focus in. I kept asking for clarity as it was vague and it got a little clearer with the asking. It would fade out then come back onto the view screen of the mind. Not very interesting, and is there somebody there, maybe a dead body hidden somewhere? Look closer, DP would direct. Tall straw-like grass surrounded it, a view of an expanse of unkempt yard appeared. A very small child of perhaps 2 or 3 yrs. of age sat near the structure, dry grass partially concealing her body. She tasted a blade of straw. The feeling was one of abandonment. Who had left this child here and was she dead? LR was already getting disturbed about it. It seemed she had been there for hours, even days, everyone had gone. “Look closer, does she look familiar?” DP asked. No, LR said, she just looks like an ordinary child except for being alone and neglected. I drifted up closer to the child and she noticed me and was a little frightened, she turned her face away from me warily.  She was learning the art of being invisible and quiet at a very young age, she was actually pretending I wasn’t there while projecting to me that she was unimportant!  I could sense her  boredom and I thought perhaps I could get her interested in something. She was waiting for someone to find her, but trying to not let on that she wanted to be found. The action of sitting next to a structure seemed to offer some security. I looked inside her head. Limbo land. I studied the waif, blonde hair sticking out this way and that, she was not underfed, had no obvious physical problems, I couldn’t figure out why noone was taking care of her, why she was unloved, she seemed perfectly lovable to me, indeed, every child is something squeezable to LR, and couldn’t her parents see how darling she was? I guess not. I decided maybe she had died here and I was to retrieve her to a better environment. I visualized a place where children could be taken care of and stimulated to interest. I called it the reception area.  Remember, at this point in real time I had no idea this was a self retrieval. I would later consider the assistance of invisible helpers I had called forth had pulled a fast one on me as was I not the heroine, in search of saving others from needless suffering?  I would cavort with these guides later laughing at how they had fooled me.
  I, a piece of her future, had arrived to take her home, yet at this moment she was just somebody’s abandoned child I would bring to a better place. So with the intention of scooping her up and flying forth, I spoke to her and asked if she would like to go with me? To a fun place? She thought about it for a moment, this was new to her, someone was paying attention to her and she felt strange about that, so was mulling it over a bit, considering if she would be disobedient in going with a stranger and if she could trust me, and if I really liked her and thought she was important. She thought for a moment she was supposed to wait here for her family to return. She nearly tuned me out again and I was wondering if she understood when suddenly she perked up enthralled with the idea of going somewhere, she piped up in a cute high pitched child’s voice “Can I take my dolly wif me?” oh! A perfect sentence! She could talk! My heart burst with love for her. I held her close. A healing was taking place. I went back in the past and “loved myself home.”
   Hmmm..I thought. Was love all she needed? And even now, was love all I needed? I retrieved my broken off self buried in the past and was now changing the child’s perceptions of aloneness and separation and her sense of unworthiness. Merging with the child’s perceptions I finally accepted fully the memory of how it was to her, instead of actively denying that was what happened. It had happened. Once I realized it had happened I would cry for her because somebody needed to cry for her; she could not do it for herself. I  changed the past which changed the present. By denying what had gone on in childhood, I still yet carried the sadness of it in the heart. If the heart was sad, there would not be much room for Ule to express in further retrievals, which I knew was the most important factor in any retrieval.
     After this retrieval I was perplexed again for a time. What exactly was this about? I didn’t have alot of strong emotions around this at first and I thought that I should. All I had taken away was a vague sense of peacefulness at first, yet it was a process of healing. All my retrievals in the beginning had not much emotion around them, they were mere mental exercises empowered with that desire to be of service.  I wanted to get to the heart of things. Self retrieval knowledge would surface with study and I would recognize the child as self. The child had looked familiar as had the yard... but..but..was I really that alone? Oh dear, I thought as the implications poured in. I then had to deal with the feelings that an injustice had been done here to an abandoned and emotionally neglected child, who as it turned out was me. The tears would come then. I didn’t want to blame my family and I had stuffed everything. I recalled a time when my family had moved out of the house and literally forgotten the waif in the back yard. I remembered wandering through empty rooms feeling shocked that there was only emptiness in the rooms, and where was all the furniture? Well, I thought, you knew this was coming didn’t you?  It seemed the perfect culmination of feeling separated from them anyway. They were just now confirming an ultimate separation, still, I was so little and I didn’t know how I could fend for myself in an empty house.  For a second though, I felt free. My family would no longer give me grief; they were gone.  The correlation between an empty room and an empty head shocked me that maybe I really wasn’t important at all and here was proof of my unimportance.  I had laid down for awhile and a fly had landed on my lip and I studied it. Good heavens! I even welcomed the fly as company. Had my mother accomplished the ability to obliterate her problem child from the view screen of her mind? Hmmm. So I had been tuned out like a bad radio station. Soon another fly landed on my lips, until both upper and lower lips were completely covered by these creatures. I was quite entertained. Oh well, LR thought, who cares? Perhaps I shall die whatever that means. Death was always a joyful thought as it signified change. Nothing mattered.
    I discovered a place where I had denied my childhood held any effect on my present self and belief systems. I confronted the denial and started to take a look at the dynamics of the mother/daughter relationship which existed. Mother and I had very little contact after I emancipated myself from the family and moved away. I had listened to DP’s guidance as a child which would only say that my purposes here would be revealed when I became an adult. I would have to trust it would. I had wanted a relationship with mother but had decided that she did not want one with me, so gave up the effort. But I couldn’t escape the past and the seeming injustice of it all, in a feeling way; in the heart.  Wanting to follow a path of love, I made up excuses for family members in my mind as a way to feel right about the injustice. In order to change the way I reacted to life in the now, I would have to understand abandonment to be an error of omission rather than considering there was something intrinsically wrong with me.  I needed to understand mother and forgive her for not nurturing the child but not by denial or making up excuses for her.
   Eventually my family did return for me to the empty house but I had lived an entire lifetime in their absence and remained unconvinced that I was worthy of their retrieval.  Five of us piled back into the car and traveled down the dirt road. I fell out of the car unto the road; there was too much stuff in the car. Everybody laughed in merriment. Poor little Charlie Brown I thought later.  I remember thinking disgruntedly they shouldn’t think this is funny, first I’m left alone and next I’m falling on the road and this is a very difficult way to get noticed around here and they think it’s funny, and anyway why did I pick this family? Children are capable of thinking adult thoughts like this which surprised me no end the clarity of my memory. When I was lucidly present in the child’s body I remembered thinking these things before becoming invisible again. I wondered about the higher wisdom which displayed these memories to me, allowing me to work them through. It seemed I was getting help and I was grateful to begin the work because it would lift something heavy off the heart area where the self image was concerned. I would accept the pain of remembering so I could get to the love. It had to be there somewhere. Mother’s help would be needed  and that would come soon enough through circumstances where she would come stay with me for a time, having been prompted by her own guidance. She would arrive with the mellowness of old age and I would get an entirely new perspective of who she was, making forgiveness  easy.
   Could it be true, I asked myself, that the past is operating as a living thing right alongside the present? And the future likewise? Why was childhood important to look at? Why couldn’t LR just forget about childhood? DP would be quiet on the matter. Too quiet. Who had projected us here into linear time or how had this projection occurred? Who was humanity? Indeed, who was I and what other belief systems were running my show? There was no love in the past. On the other hand there was plenty of self love in the future. The child had been nearly autistic. I was being given a little urgent nudge to scoop her up as there was something about this autistic problem which was affecting my life in the here and now. I had developed this crazy ability to blend into a wall like I wasn’t there, to become invisible, I didn’t want to “bother” people, I often floated away from people as if I could not see them either. Sometimes I didn’t answer people when they spoke to me as if I just couldn’t be bothered to respond. I had slipped deep within where nothing mattered. Only now, I was pushing people away from me, and love as well with my cloaking device. Wow! I suddenly understood the way she thought that was how to be safe, then noone could hurt you. How is it possible to make a decision about your reality at the age of two, I wondered. A decision that would determine your behavior in the present, and the way that others perceived you. Yet I had and that decision had been a most powerful one in its effectiveness to close down the heart center. The ability to either accept love or extend love had been greatly diminished. Now I knew something. Could it be true life was basically benevolent, or that life at least wanted to be benevolent but couldn’t if LR was projecting a different perception of her self? If that were true, then I had to look at life with new eyes. I carefully considered the words of a few friends; they had said I was difficult to get to know, to get next to. I had this on and off switch I was constantly throwing one way or the other. If life was indeed not out to get me, then life instead was out to receive me. That was, indeed, an entirely new ballgame. I found later that I would have to become very familiar with this Undistorted Love Energy if I were to participate in the retrieval arena. The doorway to this world was through the imagination, when I walked through the door, another door was there, when I opened this door, I discovered the Undistorted Love Energy, there was no God, there was only this.
An explanation follows of the basics of retrieving the fragments of self broken off due to trauma within the past follows. Doing this allows you to feel more energetic within *C1 consciousness. Imagination should be encouraged.


1) Set intention.  Say I’m experimenting and I’m willing to try it. Accept the possibility you could do this. This can be verbalized, written down, or just thought about for a few minutes silently. Try to drum up a little excitement, it really helps. Keep it simple, such as, “I am now ready and available to do a retrieval, but need assistance as I do not know what that retrieval will look like.” Then visualize guides waiting nearby to assist, because you deserve it and because they like doing this from their heart. Guides may even have a couple of folks lined up for you to assist, or even parts of yourself, as they are aware of your unique talents just by looking at your vibrational field of thought.

2) Ask for assistance. This part is where you trust. You trust there are guides, or even a personal guide who may have been with you since you began your life. This is the hard part, trusting. For LR, she began with the assumption that intuition would guide her, as she had no conception of beings that wished to guide her towards peace of mind or extending peace of mind to another, or assisting in that closure reference I made above. This guidance must by necessity be very subtle so you can get your own sense of inner power without becoming too reliant on guidance and accrediting to outside forces all the power for transformation of your being. Guides will use your own voice to guide you for this reason above. Guidance comes in many forms or impulses, nudges, intuitions, and if it makes you comfortable to imagine your guide as a family member, now deceased, then that circumstance is also more than just a possibility and happens all the time. Suffice it to say, we are never alone; your thoughts are radiation's within the aura with electric qualities. There is a place in between the two worlds where all is known and revealed. All your successes and failures perceived right up there on some TV screen with selector dials on it. Your intention must be as pure as you can make it, otherwise multiple intentions create multiple outcomes. For LR, she always had to ask why she was doing this or that. DP would always give a clue why she did what she did.  You do it for love’s sake and you can’t lose. You will not be harmed. You are safe.  But then I would ask, well, why would anyone want to help me? The answer? Because that’s what the guides are there for and it is Ule that directs them. They don’t work a 9 to 5 shift on other levels..they have to do something for fun, and helping some of us slog our way through matter can be interesting, fun, challenging, and downright sociable among other things, your success is essentially their satisfaction.
3) If you get this far, you’re doing great. The images may appear on the screen of your inner eye. They are most often in shades of gray, faded, slipping away easily, yet some are naturals with seeing them, even in color. Stay with it, bring it back into focus, ask for clarity. Stay with the challenge of exploring the unknown, the imagination, be adventurous. This is pioneering, they don’t teach this in school as part of the curriculum, not yet anyway.
4) Ask questions, you may not get the answer you expect, that’s ok. You may not understand what is being given. Don’t worry, understanding comes later. You are in training and there might be some discomfort involved, matter of fact, I’m certain of it. Follow through with the retrieval. Move your past self or another into a better place through the imagination. What is it you want to happen? Do you want a win/win? What would that look like? You can imagine if you wish getting the attention of the retrievee then introducing the guides to this person who will do the rest of the work for you or you can take the person into the light, into love, imagining a building where a receptionist awaits your charge. This is faith. This is trust. This is where it all begins. If the retrieval cannot be performed, tell the entity you will return after you’ve worked out the details. You can always return. You will never be given a retrieval you are not capable of doing.  You are working with creative stuff, it produces your reality. Your destiny belongs to you. We will wake up and when we do we will remember who we are. We can start to put our sadness away by forgiveness now. We are receiving assistance during this time of the shift in consciousness.
  One other note about this retrieval. It would take several years to fully assimilate the child into the adult. It was almost as if I became her when I retrieved her and had to raise my own child into maturity. Yet I also had the energy of the child added to my own energy. She made me spunkier as children will do. I had gained much. Looking at the world through the eyes of a child is most interesting. My child would grow very fast within me now that I had removed her from isolation and abandonment and unimportance.

Alysia, as soon as I started reading this, I 'knew' it was an aspect of yourself that you would be retrieving. Good job. It also rang somewhat familiar for me too. I guess I need to look at more aspects of myself that might need retrieving. Thanks for this.

With Love, Mairlyn

Hi Alysia,
I wish everyone who visits this board would read particularly this post from you.
I imagine, even "traditional" psycholgists, who would say it's "just imagination" must come to the opinion that self-retrievals are very powerful for growing by reading your experience.

I remember three retrievals of this-life aspects of myself, 1. A young man who knew he was nonphysical in a physical-seeming place and pretended constantly killing himself by jumping before the subway train, 2. A middle-aged man who was proclaiming that he was dead, 3. A little child who was in hate for his parents and thinking of revenge. In these cases I realized it later, that it were aspects of myself, in the first case a guide gave me a hint when I had brought this young guy to F27: "Don't you know who this guy is? Would't you give him a hug?"

Thank you, Alysia. It would be appropriate to call you "LT, Living Teacher" .
Bye, spooky

Hi Alysia! "My" monk appeared as a future self. And, in a "timeless" Focus15 area I appeared to be in a group of old men in monk's frocks calling me "brother". You said "preacher" and I remembered: "Hey, my most detailed presented past life was a kind of preacher!" He was not a Christian, but one who thought he knew "The Right Way Of Living", and he was in an order/brotherhood but became so rigid that all people left him. His rigid way reminds me a little of DP. It was in Norfolk VA and somewhere in Pennsylvania in the 19th century.
In my Gateway Voyage, where I started my nonphysical explorations I went back before my birth, and later again: I didn't want to go back to physical earth, I said "Oh no, I will bungle it again!" but my counciler over there talked me into it: "You know that it is the best for you".
I'm reading RAM's third book again and did some explorations inspired by it these days. RAM supposed his retrievees (hee hee) were 1. of his own I/There bundle and 2. of other I/There bundles which are connected with his own one by shared experiences on earth, friendship, love, and that this cluster is going to wink out as a whole. I asked my feeling, who of the persons in this life of mine is part of my own Big I? I was astonished that some of the people closest to me were not, but found out that they are in the "neighbourhood" out there close to my Big I (I-There Bundle).
One of the purposes of my life (or other's too) I found is to use the earth, which is a melting pot of members from different discs/soul groups to make contact to them. It appeared to me that it is somehow difficult to make a deep contact between I/Theres over there.
Well, you made me talk! Maybe some day I will say like you "back to the book!".
Surfing, surfing, we are surfin...
Bye and thanks for your love,
spooky