On Wednesday I found out I have stage 3 colon cancer.  It hasn't spread to any nodes or outer layers yet so that's good news.  The doc says this is completely curable, and when I heard that I felt so much relief. I'm going to have to go through chemo and radiation and then surgery, and then more chemo.  But as long as I know they are confident they can cure it, I don't mind what needs to be done. 

If anyone wants to focus on healing and PUL for me and this process I'm going through I would appreciate it.  What I'm staying focused on is that the docs and all the treatment come into perfect and quick alignment every step of the way and that this is cured and I get to live many more years in this reality.

Love,
Vicky
:)

Vicky, will definitely hold you in healing thoughts, prayers and meditation. 

  Diet and nutrition may help some too, and if you ever want to dialogue about some of that stuff, feel free to bring it up.  Not sure if you are into the alkalizing concepts, but it's often particularly crucial in cases of cancer.

With Love

 

Will send love and positive thought your way, Vicky.  Part of the healing can come from creative visualization, seeing it as "gone," and seeing yourself smiling and enjoying life, giving thanks for the healing even before it is complete.  That feeling of gratitude is very importnat.  It is a humble state of grace, which opens a door.   

Will sed out positive thought and energy

Love,

Matthew

wrote on Sep 14^th, 2014 at 12:12pm:

Vicky, will definitely hold you in healing thoughts, prayers and meditation.    Diet and nutrition may help some too, and if you ever want to dialogue about some of that stuff, feel free to bring it up.  Not sure if you are into the alkalizing concepts, but it's often particularly crucial in cases of cancer. With Love

Hey Justin,

Thank you.  Yep I'm into that stuff, try to follow it anyway just because of my type 1 diabetes. 

Thanks for keeping me in your prayers!

DocM wrote on Sep 14^th, 2014 at 2:20pm:

Will send love and positive thought your way, Vicky.  Part of the healing can come from creative visualization, seeing it as "gone," and seeing yourself smiling and enjoying life, giving thanks for the healing even before it is complete.  That feeling of gratitude is very importnat.  It is a humble state of grace, which opens a door.    Will sed out positive thought and energy Love, Matthew

Hi Matthew, thank you for the positive energy, I know I can use it!  Yes I am doing visualization and positive energy focus and all that good stuff. 

Even though I'm positive, I have good moments and then not so good.  I usually break down crying at least once a day.  Still in disbelief I think.   :(

Seeing you strong, seeing you well, seeing you victorious, Vicky. It is not an easy path to face, but you are clear headed enough to walk through this tough time -- and you have those who love and need your presence in their life to help pull you through it. I have watched a loved one face a mighty battle for several years, at an advanced age. She is winning the fight. You can do it.

Also, get everyone you know to send you every funny thing they come across, the whole way through your treatment. Humor, positive images, sharing a laugh is possible no matter what is going on in your life. Encourage people to do that, and share with them as well. It helps.

I was going to put the link to an article I read today here, but it seemed like a little much... it made me smile. It was about a goldfish that had just had a big tumor removed from the top of its head and everyone was celebrating that it had another 10 or 20 years left. It's owner was so pleased. A goldfish.

With love.

Hey Seagull,

Thanks for your warm words of love and support! 

:-*

Sending you some love and positive intent from across the pond Vicky.

:)

heisenberg69 wrote on Sep 16^th, 2014 at 10:22am:

Sending you some love and positive intent from across the pond Vicky. :)

Thank you!  Today was a little better.  I'll have to wait until next week to start the chemo and radiation treatments because I might have to get another scan and give the radiation oncologist time to plan the exact dose I need.  I didn't realize it was such a complicated and detailed process.  He has a team of people including a physicist who help come up with the exact dosing.

And how have you been?  It's been a while since we've chatted. 

Vicky wrote on Sep 16^th, 2014 at 10:17pm:

heisenberg69 wrote on Sep 16th, 2014 at 10:22am: Sending you some love and positive intent from across the pond Vicky. :) Thank you!  Today was a little better.  I'll have to wait until next week to start the chemo and radiation treatments because I might have to get another scan and give the radiation oncologist time to plan the exact dose I need.  I didn't realize it was such a complicated and detailed process.  He has a team of people including a physicist who help come up with the exact dosing. And how have you been?  It's been a while since we've chatted.

I'm fine thanks Vicky- been busy with a new job. Coincidently (or not!) I picked out and read your book again a month or so ago and had been thinking of how you have dealt with your psychic experiences and health challenges as we are about the same age. The fortitude and determination you have shown in your life so far will stand you in good stead as you return to good health. Please be assured that you are never alone (even though it can feel that way sometimes!) and many (physically and non-physically) are rooting for you. Keep us updated on your progress. Dave. 

Hi Vicky,

I want to point out something I hope will be helpful.  Many people have small cancers inside of them for years without knowing about it.  The immune system is constantly encountering aberrant or precancerous and cancerous cells and eliminating them, without our knowing.  Some cancers are aggressive, and some, for reasons not always clear grow slowly over years. 

The problem comes about when a patient identifies themself as being ill instead of accepting whatever the findings are.  T. Campbell from My Big Toe fame puts it best when he hypothesizes that future occurrences of possible disease states may actualize depending on the reaction and deep beliefs about the disease.  In MBT, he states the opinion that if a group of doctors get together and proclaim a medical condition terminal, it helps to actualize the outcome by changing probabilities in the real world.  By the same token, an effective prayer group giving thanks for healing a disease and "seeing it as done" may actualize probabilities toward a more favorable outcome.  None of this is absolute.

But it occurs to me that how we view ourselves and what our most deep seated belief is, along with the beliefs of others can alter probabilities in the real physical world.  So yes, you had a tumor found, and it was cancerous.  It will be gone from your body.  I see no advantage in the "I have cancer" thought process after that.  I will see you as being as whole and free from cancer.  Cancer does not have to be part of your identity.  Your identity is, of course so much more.  I will see the tumor as going away, and you as cancer free.

Best,

Matthew

Matthew,

I love your positive focus.  What you're saying means so much to me.  And I couldn't agree more.  When I feel myself feeling sadness and despair I remind myself that I believe deep in my heart that this doesn't have to end badly for me and that that's not what I choose, "so don't focus on that Vicky".  I've been consciously telling myself not to think of myself as being sick, being a cancer patient, because I don't want to allow my mindset to change from what/who I know myself to be.

I did that when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 27.  Everyone felt so sorry for me, and I just treated it like "Oh well, this is what I have to do now" to take care of myself."  I didn't think of myself as any different than before.  So now with the cancer, I am continually looking at the future of this illness being over and done with, like an annoying bump in the road that I will pass and leave behind me, because I have a life to live and there's still so much I wanna do here.

Thanks for your kindness and support Matthew  :)

Hello Vicky:

Sorry to read about your cancer. I sent you some healing energy this morning and said a prayer for you.

Have you researched alternative treatments?

Albert

Hi Albert,

Thanks you for your healing and prayers.  I'm so open to receiving those intentions as well as kind words of encouragement.  It really helps me mentally and emotionally.   :)

No I haven't really heavily researched alternative treatments.  I've looked into anything I come across but I'm not looking for something to replace the path of the medical treatment plan that I'm on.  In fact, I just got a call telling me that the chemo and radiation will be starting on Thursday. 

I'm a medical transcriptionist for a living....would have gone into more of a medical profession had I had the nerves and stomach for it.  So I really do believe in medicine.  That's not to say I don't believe in alternative medicine, but I want to take the path of aggressive treatment.  I've looked into all stages of what I'll be facing.  I'm ok with it.  I'm not scared of it, just scared of complications I guess.  It's like I always say, I'm not scared of heights, it's the idea of falling that I'm scared of.   ;)

Vicky:

I figure each person needs to decide what approach he or she takes. Even when my Mom had cancer I didn't suggest an alternative approach.

I agree, it's an individual's decision.  Also, one can't know how they'd feel and what they'd choose unless they were actually going through it for real.  When I was hit with the shock of knowing I had cancer growing in me for the past year without even knowing it, I just wanted it out of me as soon as could be.  I know that I wouldn't have the time or patience to do lengthy research, not even wanting to take the time to travel to other states to get other opinions and whatnot.  I just wanted to begin treatment ASAP.  And I really have my faith centered in the fact that I think my choices in life are balanced with what my Guidance  knows is best.  So I feel that my Guidance is always helping direct me on the right path for me.  I know I can't sit back and wait for it to tell me what to do, I have to make decisions and create movement in order to give my Guidance a framework with which to communicate with me.  It's hard to explain I guess, but that's what I believe in.  I hope it makes sense.

It's kind of like, you know how you can have times when you can't decide between two things, so you just pick one and then you suddenly feel a feeling telling you, "not that one, pick the other one".  That's just an example, but that's what I mean.  We have to "move" and then we are open to nudges and suggestions and whatnot. 

Most of all I'm just trying to have the best attitude I can.  I hated the feeling the first few days when I found out.  I hated feeling so defeated, so sad, so angry, so scared, feeling like my life was over.  I'm glad I didn't stay in that mindset very long.  I can't live like that.  I need to be proactive.

Anyway, enough babbling.  Glad you're here Albert.  Always nice hearing from you.

:)

Update:  My surgery is Monday the 15th.  I can't believe it's nearly here.  The past few months have gone by fast.    I'm doing pretty well.  They say I'm tolerating everything better than most people who have had my same cancer, staging, and treatment. 

Thanks for all positive thoughts, prayers, and PUL.

:)

Hello Vicky:

I hope you are doing well.

Hi Albert, thank you!

Today marked the 5th week since my surgery and it's been a rough recovery because of the pain.  But I'm doing well and my surgeon said I'm doing perfectly and right on course.  He is so confident that he cut out all the cancer because of how well I responded to the chemo and radiation.  The treatment shrunk my tumor down to virtually nothing, to literally only leaving microscopic cells, which left a great margin for surgery. 

Now a lot of my pain is gone and I go back to work in 2 weeks.  I've already started the IV chemo and the hardest part about that has been the shot they give you to boost your white blood cells.  It's bone, muscle, and nerve pain for a few days and then it subsides.  Other than that I get fatigued easily.

It's weird having the ileostomy pouch but I've gotten used to it and know how to take care of it.  Actually it's nice...not to be too gross or graphic but it's nice to be able to empty my bowels every couple hours.  I may not like going back to the old way.   :)  I get the reversal surgery in a few months when my chemo is finished. 

I've lost 30 pounds because of the cancer and treatment and I'm happy for that.  Always wanted to lose the extra weight but was too lazy to.  My diabetes is better and I'm sure it'll be good for me overall.  I can't wait to be done with all this and be cancer free.  I'll definitely be eating better from here on out, no going back to my old bad habits.  I've already cut caffeine from my diet.  And I used to drink so much coffee and diet soda all day long!  I never thought I'd give up caffeine.  I feel SO much better. 

It's good to hear about some of the positive results.  Losing weight is a good side effect of being sick, unfortunately it's easy to gain back once you become well.

It's a good thing we aren't actually bodies. They can be quite troublesome.

Troublesome and downright annoying.  I'm tired of all this.  So many doctor appointments, scans, followups, lab work, dealing with the insurance company to get claims resubmitted, prescriptions, followup survey phone calls.  Time off work isn't really time off.  I need a secretary and a chauffeur.  There was one day where I had 4 appointments!

About the weight....I really do not want to gain it back so that's why I've already gotten rid of my pants so there's no comfort zone of "fat pants" laying around.

Besides the annoying stuff, glad to hear you're doing well Vicky, been thinking about you some here and there. 

HI Justin, how are you doing? 

Thanks for thinking of me.

:)

Checking in after being gone for a while. Sending healing energy your way. Stay positive!

summersolstice wrote on Jan 30^th, 2015 at 12:57pm:

Checking in after being gone for a while. Sending healing energy your way. Stay positive!

Thank you!!
:)

Vicky wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2015 at 12:58pm:

HI Justin, how are you doing?  Thanks for thinking of me. :)

  I'm doing fairly well most of the time Vicky, though materially i sometimes lack for money and sometimes experience a sense of loneliness, but having realized somewhat recently that i came into this life from a very different system of energies than the ELS, well i suppose that's to be expected.  Sometimes i really miss the group(s) i was part of before. 

Vicky,

How are you doing? Just thinking of you and hoping things are improving for you in your life.

Same question here.


seagull wrote on Jul 14^th, 2015 at 7:48am:

Vicky, How are you doing? Just thinking of you and hoping things are improving for you in your life.

Hey guys, thanks for thinking of me.  I guess it's been awhile since I've updated. 

I have my 10th chemo session tomorrow and am slated to do one more 3 weeks from that one.  That should be it.  Then I'll just need my reversal surgery of undoing my ostomy and hooking my plumbing back up :)

I've been doing well for the most part, my only complaints being tired easily, sore red, swollen on bottoms of my feet, dry peeling skin on fingers and feet, and thinning hair.  My hair still looks decent.  If you didn't know me you wouldn't know it was thinning but I can tell.  It will grow fuller again once I'm off the chemo so I'm very happy for that. 

I've been in good spirits, have been keeping busy and enjoying myself, made some new friends in an empath/psychic meetup, and helping someone type up and organize his book and get published.  I can't believe how fast this year has gone.  The only thing I'm not looking forward to is that one last surgery, but once it's over I know I'll be relieved!

Thanks for asking.  I hope you guys are doing well too. 

Love,
Vicky

Vicky:

Overall, circumstances aside, it sounds like things are going okay.

Yes, going ok.  Can't really complain.  I'm doing better than most everyone else at my oncologist's office.  Even when I get my lab counts I'm told I do better than most people when it comes to that.  I don't have an explanation for it, I just feel greatly appreciative that I'm able to handle it so well.  Years ago I would have said that I hope I never have cancer because I don't think I could tolerate it plus the chemo side effects.  So I definitely feel grateful.

Am I'm still enjoying the weight loss which feels great.  I also bought one of those nutrient extraction blenders so I can learn to eat healthier.  It's like, I want to keep my colon as good as I can moving forward!

It's good to know you are making progress, step by step. I am happy to know that other positive things are happening for you, and that you and your family can look forward to the future.

I have a family member in the end stages of ovarian cancer and it has been a long road together. I am glad I have found a reasonably strong belief in an afterlife so that I can feel encouraged for her, knowing that all will be well.

Stay strong, love, Seagull

Thank you Seagull!

I lost my good friend Rob three and a half years ago due to cancer and I miss him so much, but I know he's "home" and still growing on the other side.  Life continues, it's just another reality. 

In honor of my great friendship with him, let me just say here that I've felt his presence guiding me through my cancer treatment, and I've felt him guiding me to open up and try new things, meet new people.  I am now a new believer that some of our guides/guidance on the other side is not just our higher self but also loved ones.  I honestly never really felt a direct experience or belief about that before!

:)

  I wish we had "like" buttons on here like facebook.  All good to hear.

Hey there Justin :)

That's funny, me too!  I sometimes forget, and look for the "Like" button". 

Thanks.  I hope you and Becky are doing well. 
:)

  We are, not much all that interesting going on though.  Thank you for the well wishes.

Hi everyone,

The past 15 months has now seemed to have gone by so fast.  I'm completely finished with my chemo treatments and surgeries.  I'm still trying to get the incision from my ileostomy reversal surgery to heal but it's doing ok.  I'm doing very well, feeling healthy, still maintaining my new lower weight, my hair is growing back, and I'm still eating healthy and keeping fit.  Having gone through cancer was a good "kick in the butt" for me, pardon the pun  :)

The good news is that all my docs feel I have every reason to consider myself cancer free, but of course they'll be keeping tabs on it with scans and scopes and labs for the next few years just to be on the safe side. 

This journey has certainly given me a whole new perspective on life. 

Vicky:

Good to hear that your doctors said you have every reason to consider yourself cancer free. I suppose that in some ways your experience was another growth possibility.

Congratulations on your continuing recovery, Vicky!

Thanks you guys  :)

Vicky: Great to hear that the recovery to optimal health is continuing well. I'd imagine that has been quite an unforgettable journey.

Hi Sanatogen, thank you.  Yes, quite unforgettable since it's changed everything, the biggest part being how I think about food.  And the chemo affected nearly every part of my body, so this whole journey sure made me have to be more aware of my whole body more than I was before. 

In fact I was just thinking yesterday how I am typically more happy of a person when I don't have to be bothered focusing on my physical body and physical feelings most of the time.  When I can just ignore the physical more and focus inward more, I find I'm much more at ease with everything.  Whether it's pain or just having to take care of business, it's very consuming of your attention and awareness to have to focus on the physical when you'd rather just let your thoughts and feelings wander to where they would like to be instead.  I imagine that's true for most people. 

For instance, when I had to wear the ostomy bag, for the first couple months it took up most of my day attaching it to my body to make it fit right, keeping it clean, and taking care of leaks.  It was a huge thing to learn to get right.  What used to take hours eventually only took minutes.  And now I don't even have to wear the darn thing anymore.  So yeah, the whole journey took me way way way off my normal course and onto some other road altogether, and now here I am supposedly back where I was before, except nothing's really the same at all because I am not really the same person I was before.  You don't just go back to the way you were before, nor would you want to.