Basically I grew up in a household with family members that communicated (lovingly) with the dead. Death was a sad thing, but not the ultimate horror that I am realizing some people see it as, because only the physical bodies of those who passed were really "gone".

When I was a teenager I went on a search for psychic abilities, and came back with better results than I could even have guessed at before. I never spoke to the dead, though, I was more interested in seeing what I could do on this plane. I fell out of that and into an abusive relationship soon after.

Long story short I found the love of my life who treats me like a goddess. He isn't religious but is spiritual and believes there is something after this life. After moving away from my family for the first time to live on his side of the world, losing my cat to anemia, and living with his mother (a really depressive type) I have fallen into this fear that there isn't anything waiting for me.

I know it's just a fear, see; while as children we are afraid of ghosts and are told it's just our minds listening to the wind, I am afraid there are no ghosts, only wind, when I have seen much more poof of an afterlife than most people see!

It's debilitating. I miss my cat, I an afraid I will never see him again. And that leads into the fear that I will never see my husband again one day. I need my need of him, you see. The fear is so much louder to me right now than the facts I have seen.

I am afraid I have made all my mystical experiences up, it's gone into I am afraid that it's just the "image" of an afterlife I have seen and not an actual one. Like a cruel trick of particle physics that leads one to have senses beyond their physical selves in NDEs right before they blink out into nothing. Such junk thoughts, I know! But I am really freaking out here.

And I miss my cat...

Hey there,

Don't rely on memories. They've all been chewed over a million and two times.
Abilities don't just disappear; they're a part of you. But kinda like loved pets who will be mad at you for a while for not having pampered them in such a long time.
Just go ahead and try again, see for yourself where they take you and whether you can believe yourself or not. Don't forget you are the one you need to convince, not the "general public". People who aren't part of your experience can only imagine what happened and decide whether they believe it or not only based on their own image of it. So don't let anyone else confuse you.

I hope you'll hear from your cat soon

take care,
Vagabound

I agree with Vagabound. Perhaps you just need another experience which will soothe your heart. I have also had so many experiences, and many are subtle, and I still have doubts. As others have mentioned occasionally here, doubts are a sign that you have an open mind, that you are not just accepting any old thing as truth for yourself.

So, take your time, and wait on that good experience you need to feel better about things. Trust that it will happen. Keep your eyes and ears open, and remember your dreams the best that you can. See if little signs appear.

Or, perhaps it is time for you to focus on something else. Simply don't indulge those thoughts. Remember that they are just thoughts, and that you can change them over time. There is definitely something waiting for you, but you just can't see it yet. Fear is just a feeling, and sometimes just a word. Can you think...curious...not completely sure.....rather than 'fear thoughts'? Just a gentle nudge into a different way of thinking about your circumstances. Be open to messages anywhere. They really do come in all kinds of differing forms.

If all else fails, have you tried drawing or painting your 'fear'. Can you make a 'picture' of it? Is it real?

Take the word love. Have you tried drawing or painting your 'love'? Is it real?

Which one of these is 'more' real?

For me, love is 'more real' than fear. As others here have quoted often, fear is

false evidence appearing real

Dear Sa(l)vage,

You are extremely courageous (brave -- with heart) ! You are an explorer of the spiritual afterlife, you are now living on 'his side of the world' -- with his mother, and your main loving anchor to your former years has passed on!  Give yourself some credit !  You are amazing!

New experiences probably bring a few new anxieties, and you've had plenty of opportunity to collect some.  Occasionally we explorers  :)  have to stop and shed  some negative energies we've picked up along the way. Meditation, prayers, an extra nap --  I've used many techniques to create some space and they all help.

In other words I'm wondering if your anxieties may not be about the afterlife itself, just an overflow from all the changes etc you've been facing.   :)Like when you say " Like a cruel trick of particle physics that leads one to have senses beyond their physical selves in NDEs right before they blink out into nothing. "-- NDEs  do  not  blink out into nothing, dearheart. We get to hear from them afterwards, that's why they're called Near....

Betson

Thank you everyone for the replies!

Last night I had a dream in which I was talking to a whole bunch of different people, one of which was definitely my cat. Just the other day I was hiding in bed sobbing over it all maybe being worthless.
I do feel like a lot of this is new anxieties from a host of new things and experiences. Thank you for being so gentle and understanding with me! I am wondering if these thoughts could be the mother's in this house and I am empathetically leeching them (seeing as I have never had this fear before!), and also it gets better when I leave the house.

There is always that weird twinge though that it's all being made up and is purely fantasy. I don't know if I can even get rid of that doubt, though I have had it before about some things, it was never about the afterlife.

I have grown very attached to my life, in a way that I didn't previously think was possible. I have so much love for my husband, and the move (although stressful) was to the most beautiful area I have ever known. I am afraid to leave any of this behind. I am just so in love right now, not just with my husband but with my LIFE that I am afraid of any unknown.

As a child I used to remember things, feeling like a pilgrim as opposed to a person native of this reality. Every now and again it feels like I can see through the cracks of reality, that I am a divine thing and the rest of creation and I are the same.

I love science also, I think the unexplained is just unexplained FOR NOW and nothing is outside the realm of discovery. Based on this are there any good books you guys recommend? I am interested in fortifying my beliefs instead of feeding my fears, because I think until I get where I am going I won't be satisfied fully, that a slight, and maybe helpful?, doubt will remain.

God your story is really terrifying. I am a bit afraid by reading this one.

Our consciousness is more powerful than we think. I would suggest you read about the double-slit experiment and how it seems that energy or matter can't exist without an sentient observer. From this physicist's have come up with the conclusion that it's not reality that creates consciousness, but consciousness that creates reality.

A physicist has come up with a theory that when the first sentient being open its eyes ( since we know of no other, we will assume it was human ), in less than a second, the universe sprang into existence. All the billions of years of development that was necessary occurred in as little as a millisecond. This would satisfy the requirement of a sentient observer for the universe to have formed in the first place.

Physicists also apart from this one believe that time wasn't necessarily linear during the big bang, it could have gone by very slowly or extremely fast in a non-linear fashion.

This theory reconciles the idea of creation, that we are children of God, with evolution.

I lost the name of this physicist, but still I hope this science-oriented theory will provide you with some comfort.

Sa(I)vage,

The idea of giving up on attachments in this life in order to progress spiritually is one we Westerners find most difficult to grasp.  For it seems that if we must give up on attachments to people we love and things, then nothing matters.  But that is not what giving up on attachments really means.

If one is attached to material objects and things only, then one is indulging a certain type of selfishness and thereby losing sight of what is really important - people and love.  In my mind, the better way to look at things is that your love for your husband and your surroundings is not tied to that one moment of time, but is part of you.  That feeling can be held and replicated in the future, when you pass on.  I don't think the deceased have to give up on their loved ones forever or what they consider beautiful.  They do have to go with the flow, and adapt to their new surroundings and dimensions.

If we have the choice to take actions or not to now, in the physical world, why would we not have these choices when we shed our physical bodies?  If our choice would be to surround ourselves and loved ones with beauty, and to spend time with our loved ones, I'm sure this would come to pass.

It is hard for me, as I said, to understand what Eastern mystics describe as "letting go" of attachments in the world.  Slowly, I am realizing that these attachments are unrealistic expectations that things will remain the same on the physical plane - not our love of others or what we consider to be beautiful. 

Will your love of your cat and your husband continue, and will you be reunited?  Most certainly, if it is already a part of you now. 

We live in the present though, and hypotheticals shouldn't deprive us from living.  Enjoy what you have.  Don't put subconscious thoughts into your mind about these fears.  Thoughts held deeply and with conviction take root.  Do not be like Job and say "that which I feared has come upon me; that which I dreaded has come true."   Instead, focus on the love and the joy you described, and hold onto that image.  Whatever we hold onto with conviction tends to be delivered into our lives.  We can not choose our circumstances, but we can choose our thoughts.


Matthew 

Sa(l)vage wrote on Jul 22^nd, 2011 at 7:52pm:

Thank you everyone for the replies! Last night I had a dream in which I was talking to a whole bunch of different people, one of which was definitely my cat. Just the other day I was hiding in bed sobbing over it all maybe being worthless. I do feel like a lot of this is new anxieties from a host of new things and experiences. Thank you for being so gentle and understanding with me! I am wondering if these thoughts could be the mother's in this house and I am empathetically leeching them (seeing as I have never had this fear before!), and also it gets better when I leave the house.

I agree with Betson, you express yourself very clearly and with courage.

I have suggested to my best friend who's mother is "very draining" that she learn the REBAL technique from the Monroe Institute, it is giving yourself an embedded command which allows an energetic shield to form around you which you control.

I've had similar thought of not being able to see people again, but I knew it to be a state of mind, and 2 months later I feel better. At the time I kept myself busy with tasks that involved working with others.