Over 20 years ago I broke up with someone who I guess was emotionally unavailable and verbally abusive, but in a very subtle way.  We were together a long time, never married, and we broke up twice during our relationship.  When the final break up came I have to say that I couldn't stand him anymore, I had lost total interest in trying to make him appreciate and love me.  I have never had any interest in seeing him again.

However, I often have dreams where I am with him and in the dream he always rejects me and it is very upsetting.

The dream stories are always different, the settings are always different but the theme of rejection is always the same.

I've tried to figure these dreams out but have not had success.

Any insights would be helpful.

Hi Michele,

Welcome! 

I think maybe you're dreaming about him in this way, NOT about him but about what you're dealing with and feeling in your present life.  It sounds like your subconscious mind is just using him as a dream theme symbol that represents some aspects about yourself that you have not completely resolved yet.  When something repeats itself in our life, thoughts, or dreams, it's usually something we aren't dealing with or haven't completely satisfied/finalized something about. 

If you're into dream journaling and interpretation, a fun thing you can do is talk to this "dream symbol", which is really just talking to yourself.  But the point is, you end up discovering answers from your subconscious mind that you weren't aware of.  It really does work.  Imagine that the responses come from the character of that dream symbol, so stay in character and it will work.

Whether you just think through it, or write it down as you go, what you do is pretend you are talking to the dream symbol, in this case it's your ex boyfriend in the dream.  And you open up the conversation by saying something like, "Why do you keep appearing in my dreams?  Do you have something you want to say?"  And then whatever comes to your mind, that's the response from the symbol.  Then you just continue back and forth.  It may take a few back-and-forths before something emerges, but something always does emerge even if you feel like you're making it up or merely making logical deductions of what you think his response would be.  The point is, go with it and see where it leads. 

By NOT resolving this aspect of your subconscious, you'll continue to have these dream themes appear in your dreams. 

In my opinion, since your theme is "rejection", and it's been over 20 years and you don't still literally feel rejected by this guy, that the rejection is about something else in your life at the moment.  Maybe you're feeling inadequate in some aspect of your life, like "If I try this, it probably won't work", so in essence you're rejecting yourself! 

If that's not the case, then try the conversation I described above, and see what emerges.  You'll be surprised at what you learn about yourself. 

Vicky

Thanks Vicky.  I will try that.  I kind of guessed that it is about me doing something that is not to my benefit and therefore by hurting myself I'm "rejecting" myself. 

I just can't figure out what it is that I'm doing that is not beneficial to me.

I'll try your journaling suggestion and see what I find out.

hi and welcome,
Maybe you have some unresolved feelings of rejection leftover from the hurt of being rejected...
Are you in a relationship now?
Amy