I used to see images of the heads of loved ones hung up by their hair. When I was a kid, I thought I must be insane and never told anyone about it.

A few months ago I was shown the characters I inhabited in my previous lives. Some of those were ancient warriors and at least one of them indeed saw the heads of his wife and children hung up by their hair. It drove him insane.

I'm not angry at those who did it; those were the times back then, that's what "we" used to do. But I cannot forgive myself for what happened. I feel responsible and helpless. I did then and I still do now.
It keeps me from just enjoying my love for my children and theirs for me because the responsibility that I feel toward them is overwhelming. I'd love to just let them go and have fun, but I see nothing but threats in everything and everyone. I don't know how to get rid of this. I'd rather have a peaceful life.

hope someone can give me some advice,
take care and thanx for reading;
Vagabound

If this is true, Vagabond, and these things did happen, then perhaps there is a reason you and your family 'chose' each other for this lifetime. It also sounds like you do have a peaceful life, in some respect, that you want to preserve. I notice your language to yourself: I'd rather have a peaceful life. You say this as if you are reprimanding yourself for interfering somehow. So, one thing to do, as I can see it, is for you to 'see' it: that you can and do have a peaceful life.

Perhaps, repeat those words to yourself, in plural, often, morning, noon and night, if need be: "We have a peaceful life. I have a peaceful life. We are safe and secure. Peace is with us." Something like that. See it as 'done'.

First off, thanx for your response!

Well, I spent an hour trying to phrase my post right, had my husband proof read it, took out a lot of things that might lead to a wrong conclusion, to make sure I'll get my point accross. Didn't work out so well, did it?
But please do not reduce this to peace and war.

There are dangers at any time at any place. Homo homini lupus. Not only in times of war.

Sooner or later I will have to let my kids go, knowing full well there are a lot of people who enjoy hurting others. There's no way to prepare your children for that. To them it's only phrases until they feel it.

All in all, if there isn't enough balance, which in most lives there clearly isn't, pain and suffering doesn't make people wiser but frustrated and distrustful.
I, being frustrated myself, don't feel like I can prevent that from happening to anyone else. (catch 22)

take care,
Vagabound

I guess, 'peace' and 'war' mean different things to people at different times. Of course, you can only offer to your children what you have, and I don't know if any parent ever feels that their wisdom is sufficient for this world. And, no, you can't hold 'life' or 'love' out on a 'silver platter' for your loved ones. They must go and live their lives, and find out about the strengths and weaknesses of others on their own. But, you can always be that place to come home to, where there is peace and love and as much trust as you can build between you.

Peace is not really something you find 'out there' in the world. It is something that you find in your own heart, when you know you have love there. At least, that's what I have learned, and it wasn't easy.

Hi Vagabound,

That is shocking !  However you can celebrate that your Guides feel you are strong enough now to show that to you. I suspect that what will happen is that you will get other reminders of this trauma --perhaps as scenes in films or novels -- until you are able to replace self-loathing with kindness and caring (PUL) for everyone involved, including yourself.

By the way, you don't know why you weren't by your family's side to die with htem, do you?  You probably had some assignment or responsibilities elsewhere, and the attack came as a surprise. You cannot (or need not) blame yourself for circumstances you had no control or knowledge of.  :)

Bets

Hey Bets,

Thank you for your reply!


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By the way, you don't know why you weren't by your family's side to die with htem, do you? you will get other reminders of this trauma --perhaps as scenes in films or novels

I only remember bits and pieces. We were just returning from an empty battle field that we had been called to. We weren't sure what had happened and had a bad feeling about it. Then in front of the town gate we saw the heads hung up on ropes. I remember looking at each one, seeing wives and kids of my friends, til I finally found my family. The last moment I remember from that life is the feeling that this sight caused. It felt like a thousand feelings mingled together and on top of it all guilt.
Starting around 7 y.o. in this life, whenever I thought of someone I deeply loved, I saw their head chopped off.


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until you are able to replace self-loathing with kindness and caring (PUL) for everyone involved, including yourself.

Funny you bring up self-loathing. You seem to always be spot on with your assumptions.
Lately I've been cleaning up our basement and found my old diaries. At first it hurt, but I read them, allowed the images to come back. Finally, today, the last one made it into the garbage. I feel much better now. I'm okay now with the person I used to be.
So I guess what's left is proving to myself that I am able to take care of my family. Until just a couple of days ago it felt like an unbearable burden, because of my protective instinct going berserk. But now after the feedback I got from both of you, which really made me think, I'm okay with that. I guess I needed to overdo it a bit. And I probably always will, at least in this life. I'm trying to make sure though that I don't harm my kids with that.

Hello B2;


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It is something that you find in your own heart, when you know you have love there. At least, that's what I have learned, and it wasn't easy.

I'm glad to hear you've made it; I know it takes a lot of hard work to get there. I'm still struggling. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of what it feels like, though. It feels good! 
[smiley=vrolijk_1.gif]

take care,
Vagabound