My son at the age of 29 passed last week of a brain tumor that we had no idea he had.  No signs until a few days before his death.  We had no idea until after the cause of death.   He had no after life beliefs, although I always told him about my communications with the afterlife, (since I lost my fiance almost two years to the day).  I think I have had one communication with him, where he told me to turn out the lamp in his room.  It seems that it had been on the whole time which was a week.  So of course we turned it off.   I am not sure if he is lost, confused, earthbound or if he has crossed over.  My other son and his girlfriend who also all lived together with my son who passed, and myself, have had those waves of extreme sickness to our stomachs.  I am not sure if we are picking up on him, or just the natural emotions that we all have.  We speak to him out loud and mentally telling my son to cross over or to ask for help if he is unsure of what is happening.  i try to assure him that he will be fine, that all will be ok, (he left behind his 10 yr old daughter and nephew), and they all were extremely close.   My nephew who also lived with my son who passed, told me that he felt his Uncle Tony was gone during the day, but came home at night. 

If anyone can at all pick up on my son or have suggestions I would love to hear from you.  Thanks.
Chantilly Chopper

You are in the middle of experiencing a heavy loss. There can't be anything harder than losing the own son. The main focus of you must be to be here, be you, and to allow yourself space to grieve for him, and to realise, accept this change in your life.

You can't estimate the time you'll get a message from him. First you need time to get balanced again after that hit. Then, and only then (except you are experienced in this) you should be receptive, or even active, to receive informations about him, or a communication with him. It is ok to just grieve. But have in mind he's gone only within one of those earth-time-planes.

That he hasn't had any beliefs about the afterlife is good rather than bad.

Spooky

Our hearts are with you, Chantilly Chopper, for your sudden loss. With love.

Chantilly, at least some of us came to this site because of such losses and we can understand your pain and loss.  My daughter (then 38) committed suicide in Oct. 2008 and not a day, or even an hour, goes by that I don't think of her and miss her.  While the pain seems unbearable at first, you can bear it.  Later, it may come in waves of sadness, even after much time has gone by.  That happens for me often when I am grocery shopping, since my daughter lived with me and I bought groceries for both of us.  Having tears come in the middle of Trader Joes still sometimes happens after a year and a half.

Not long after Megan died, I read Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" ad have recently reread it  Didion wrote this book in the year after her husband suddenly died.  Her daughter was gravely ill during that same time period and subsequently died after the book was published.  Didion writes so well that I loved each page of this fairly short book even though it frequently brought tears.  It speaks truthfully of much that is probably universal about loss and grieving.  I recommend it.

Dear Chantilly C,

You have my condolences, dear soul.

Regarding your request, we've learned (or it's been suggested) to not attempt contact with passed souls for several weeks after their passing. Although there is no 'time' there are still states of change that they most move through and the first period is the busiest for them. 
You might take up as a mantra repeating that he' move toward the light.'
If you will PM me his name I'll try to check on him in a week or so.

Bets

Chantilly,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother last year,Feb.19 2009. I think of him every day. His first visit to me was March 13. So it is just as Bets said give it a few weeks. Also it took him till Oct.15 to crossover. He was earthbound that long. Sometimes they need to take awhile to just crossover, I was also worried.  My first book I read that helped me and eased my pain was Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book on Death and Dying. She even had a section in it on the Afterlife. Please take your time to grieve and take care of yourself.
love,Anna banana

I'm so sorry to hear your son passed away, so suddenly and under such shocking circumstances.  I hope your family is coping ok.  I hope you get some communication from him soon.

To all of you, I thank you so much for responding.  And I knew he would be busy his first few weeks.  I have just been sick with worry that he might be confused.  Thats why we talk so much to him.  although my other son told me that they had been having conversations about parallel universes and such... and hopefully he listen when I spoke of afterlife and my communications and maybe he didn't think I was just crazy or something....but he always listened and he never said he didn't believe me.   

I wonder about the numbers , loosing my fiance March 19, 2008 and then my son March 9th, 2010, is there something there??   

Anyway, again, thank you all for your insight, your offer to help contact him, and your condolences.  It means the world to me.  I really can't express that enough.

Carla 

Quote ChantillyChopper:
"I have just been sick with worry that he might be confused" "and hopefully he listen when I spoke of afterlife"

I believe when someone is not entirely denying the possibility of an afterlife, or holds very strong beliefs regarding punishment and such, then there should be no problems for the helpers to guide one to a good place.

Spooky

Spooky, again I thank you!!

Chantilly Chopper

I shared this with Bets, in a pm....I forgot to speak of these two events....I have copied and pasted from my text to Bets....

I am going to mention this on the thread...because like I said, my brain is mush... but, the morning that I heard about my son, I was on my cell speaking to my daughter in law...(tonys daughters mother) and after we had spoken for awhile, (the whole time I am trying to get ready to get to my son, because I didn't want him to be dealing with the detectives by himself), and my phone has call waiting, and i saw that my son was calling me, so as I was trying to click over, in-between the connections... I heard in a whisper sounding type voice "I love you". I just knew that was my son. And i figure if he is going to communicate, a lot of it will be thru electronics...he is a computer tech, all around guru on this sort of thing. Also, we do not know the exact time of death, but my son got a video on his cell phone around 2am, and in this video there was a bunch of people standing around a firepit at night, and he could see people and hear them laughing and talking, the video lasted 13 seconds. He erased it because, he thought someone had sent it by mistake to his phone, their was no number attached to it, it just showed "fwd" as where normally you see who sent it. Well that night, we gathered at a friends house, and at that friends house, Tony's friends came over, and we all ended up around a firepit, talking, laughing, telling Tony stories. My son, who received the video, says he knows that Tony sent that to him, a prediction of the night events. So both of us received communication via cell phones in his first 24 hours. We are thankful for that.

This is wonderful. Thank you for posting this, as I'm sure it will offer others some encouragement, that messages can come in many ways.

Thanks B2,  I can't wait til I hear from him again, the mother in me needs to know he is working it out.  I just hope he has crossed or at the most, that he is not feeling as if he is alone, standing behind a glass wall yelling and shouting for us to hear him...I want him to cross so that he gets the bigger picture of life and afterlife.   Mommy loves you son!

hi chantillychopper my love and prayers i send to you and your family for the loss of your son,god bless him and you and your family as well.

you have mentioned sickness and sickness what you are feeling means that he is very close to you as when spirit come to near it can cause nausea,when you feel this sickness again he is there but say to him ,we love you and we are happy you are here but could you please step back a little as you are to close and he will.

at this stage he is not alone visiting you ,he is being given loving support from i'm getting his grandparents and im being shown them holding each of his arms to comfort as he is very nervous and its like when he was born on the earth plain he had to learn our language  get used to the world around him and this is whats happening now

because his passing has not been very long ago,he will hang around you very much so as he feels your heartache and he feels it to but as time goes on and you start to heal then he also will be able to move on and will then visit you when he wants to,its all part of the greiving process on his side and yours.

i'm being given the names here susan shane robert also lucy and i'm being shown that he had really dark hair,he's saying he is not alone ,hes being loved and helped by his family that have passed on.

i'm going to stop here as i am a practising medium sitting in circle and told by the medium in the circle that i must given what is given to me but i want to know if i am getting this right at the moment

if i am i will carry on and i'm so sorry if i have not got this right ,please reply and tell me if i am getting it right or wrong love to you and your family  god bless  love juditha

Thank you Juditha, I responded by pm to you!!

I'm curious to know how right she was.

Chantilly,

Don't pay attention to the waiting period that some talk about; talk to your son now.  Tell him what you know, that you love him, that he should follow love and not be afraid.  Even if you feel at times that you are talking to yourself, do it anyway.

In Asia, the Tibetan Book of the Dead (Bardo Thodol) is read immediately following a person's passing.  It is taken as a given that the person can hear/see.  The writers of this book felt that after death we are given a series of visions which are illusions.  The idea is not to get tied up in attachments to lust, greed, selfishness, but and to realize some of what you experience may be illusions that we have to pass through.  In that text, there are countless ways out of the Bardo world, by recognizing the illusions and following a path of love.  If the person does not recognize things, the Asians believe that a rebirth is the final outcome back onto the earth plane. 

I have read the Bardo and while I'm sure there is wisdom in it, my main "take home" message is that the newly deceased can hear and see you. I am not sure that the realms of illusion described are not just archetypes in the human mind, and the talk in the text of the devas, gods and demons we encounter does not hit home for me (it is likely due to a cultural divide). 

It is especially important that the living let our deceased loved ones know they are loved, forgiven and can and should move on - that you'll meet again.  Grieving is normal, but try to stay focused and send thought of love on to him.  Tell him to pursue love and release anger hate and fear.  Tell him to ask for help if he needs it. 

I don't think its to early to do any of these things.

Love,

Matthew

Mathew, I already do those things...constantly, and I have my other son do it also.  I can already communicate with other who have crossed over since the death of my fiance two years ago.   I know the importance of letting him know what to do, in case he might be confused since he had little belief in the afterlife...all though he was starting to explore the ideas of parallel universes and such.   And of course I always spoke to him of my communications...even though he probably thought that I might be a little nuts... But every sense I had read that sometimes souls get confused after death...since they had no idea that life continued on...I had made it a point to speak to him of it, just in case...However, I never thought or hoped that it would happen as I thought it might.

So thank you so much, your advice is good and  relevant. 

ChantillyC, I feel for you and your loss. I agree with StoneCold that you should not hold back contact with your son. Not to worry, he is just fine. As you have already experienced communication with your past over fiance, you know it will be the same with you son if it is meant to be. Please dont take this wrong, but I am happy for him. Hes gone home. He understands love. 

Thank you Hawkeye,  Yes he is in the place where he started from....I am sure for many life times.     I just hope he is not in a state of confusion.   That will tear a mothers heart apart.

Chantilly Chopper

if he was confused, I am sure it wouldnt have been for long. Your conversations with him, and lots of help on that side, will have made a big difference. As I said, hes just fine and there is no need to worry about him. He knows now that you weren't "nuts".
Life has a way of throwing us curves. Pick up that ball and throw it right back. You will be good too. Its OK for you to be sad for your loss, but remember to be happy for him. 

That was beautiful...thank you!

Dearest Chantilly (Carla),
my whole hearted love goes out to you and all of family and friends.

I personally believe that "feeling the loss of a loved one" is the hardest hill to clime and the loss seems even after my own personal experience (12 years ago), never to "lighten up". One is forced to come to terms with it, it doesnt feel like a free will "choice". I had come to realise that my grieving derived from "selfishness". I was grieving becaus "I lost something precious within my time". I wasnt thinking of the possibility that the soul of my loved one "DECIDED" many moons ago that "this was the way it wanted to depart from its mission of experiencing here on earth".
The entire experience was a wake up call for me.

I would like to convey to you to remember "what we are". We are not that which you see in the mirror, we are much much more. We are "souls having a human experience" NOT the other way around. Taking a moment to digest those words, will maybe give you somewhat comfort.

Thank you for sharing and sending lots of love and hugs,
Nanner

Thank you Nanner....!

Chantilly,

Though this may be difficult to imagine, I think there may be a point in time where people celebrate death as opposed to the opposite. Do not think of him as gone or out of your life. From what I am discovering, death is very much like the cycle of the butterfly. There are symbolisms and metaphors in every facet of nature and knowledge to help us.

On earth we are caterpillars and the death of our bodies is like the caterpillar's cocoon which is left behind to nature before springing the true beauty of our existence, the butterfly.

I get the feeling that where ever your son is, he is smiling and he is experiencing more peace than he ever thought imaginable in this world. It may even come as a surprise to him that that feeling is but a fraction of what he has left to experience. Think, believe, and know this and you may find you too will smile.  :)

Stonecold, thank you for your words...  I do understand that if he has crossed over..he is a very happy happy soul.   I know this.  It is the mother in me, who worries because he did not believe in the after life, and sometimes that causes some confusion.  I know he is home with his spirit family, it is his earth family that misses the physical Tony that we have had for 29 years.  I grieve for his daughter who misses her father.  I grieve for his brother who lost his best friend.   I grieve for his nephew who considered him a second father because he has helped raise his these last 4 years.   I know to be happy for him,  I know that he knows what we are doing and feeling.  I know he loves us and wishes that we would grieve less and less.   I know that the day I make it back to our spirit home I will see my son and frankly,  I am looking forward to it!   

Again, thank you for taking the time to say such kind words to me.   Chantilly