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Message started by sulla on Jan 11th, 2010 at 12:57pm

Title: Went looking, but Grandma found me - guilt?
Post by sulla on Jan 11th, 2010 at 12:57pm
I have never done a retrieval.  Though I have had a few altered states of consciousness, a couple of good OBE’s and plenty of lucid dreams, I have not trained myself yet to go into deep focus levels and remember what I was doing at the time.  That said, I have not let that stop me from making my intentions known to anyone listening in the non-physical realm.

My Grandmother passed away a few days before her birthday in December.  She was in Hospice care and we knew it was coming, but that of course did not lessen the blow of her passing.  She was a VERY devout Jehovah’s Witness, and she seemed to have a little fear of dying, which surprised me because she had always seemed to be strong in her faith and was such a strong and self sufficient woman.  I loved her very much and had spent a lot of time with her as I was growing up.

Due to her being ill most of her hospice care, me having a very young child, and my wife recovering from a serious illness, we did not get to visit her very frequently this last year, and I do feel some guilt about it.  She got to see and play with her granddaughter though, and that is certainly a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

So almost every night since her funeral, I’ve stated my intent to see her and find out how she was coping.  I got nothing.  Until this morning.  I can’t really remember my dreams up until right before I woke up this morning.

I was in my old bedroom at my parents house (I have not lived there for over a decade.) My room became her room for a few years while my folks took care of her before she needed nursing care at a facility.  It was a small room and in my dream I was moving things out of it to make some space.  There was a white wood rocking chair against one wall that I wanted to remove because I thought I’d never use it (I never had that chair in my room when I lived there, nor is there one in there now, nor is there one in my parents entire house.)  I scooted it out of the room, down the hallway, through two more rooms, into the rear ‘catch all room’ at the back of our house and left it facing a wall by the basement steps.

As soon as I let go of it I realized my grandmother was sitting in the chair and I was leaving her to face the wall in the back room of the house where she’d be alone and have nothing to keep her company.  I felt guilty at having wanted to remove her from my room (even though she didn’t start out the dream in there.)  I went to the front porch where my dad was sitting having a smoke to ask him what I should do with Grandma.  I didn’t get a response.  I think he was asleep.  I headed back to my room and the rocking chair was back in there, this time right next to my bed, and my grandma was propped up on pillows in the bed with the covers pulled up to her shoulders and she was wearing a white turtleneck with a very loose and wrinkly collar just up to her chin.  This was not her style and I’ve never seen her wear white.  Her hair was immaculate and her face was full of color, but no emotion.  She was looking at me with no expression on her face at all.

Then my alarm went off and I woke up.

Other than the guilt of removing her from my room, I feel no emotions about the dream; maybe sadness at not having a chance to talk to her.

Title: Re: Went looking, but Grandma found me - guilt?
Post by hawkeye on Jan 11th, 2010 at 3:55pm
Sorry to hear of the passing of your Grandmother. I am sure she will be just fine. I hope you are somewhat comforted by your visit to her. I don't believe there is a reason to feel guilt by you. Extend her your love and move on instead.

Title: Re: Went looking, but Grandma found me - guilt?
Post by b2 on Jan 13th, 2010 at 6:21pm
Gosh, Sulla, the impression I got from reading this again, after a bit of waiting, is that your grandmother was just making a point that she will continue to be around in unexpected ways, no matter whether you think so or not. It doesn't appear to me to be about the physical things, but her appearing in the chair you moved, appearing in the bed later...dressed in white...something about the imagery just keeps telling me that she is stating quite clearly that she will stay around, even if you don't 'recognize' her, or even if you think she has changed. Just a thought.

Title: Re: Went looking, but Grandma found me - guilt?
Post by spooky2 on Jan 15th, 2010 at 6:59pm
The part with the rocking chair sounds like a good image for the worries you had. The part with your grandma in bed is not so easy to interprete. It could mean that she is ok (considering the kinda dressed up style) but at the same time this image (or your image of her) is outdated now, and doesn't represent her anymore (you couldn't communicate with her), as she has moved on and has a different form now.

Spooky

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