Hi All.

For what it may be worth to anyone, I wanted to share a rather bad Retrieval experience that I recently had. 

It wised me up to the fact that you can -- no matter how tough you think you might be -- run into emotional energies out there that you may not be prepared for.  Especially if you are a rank amateur like me.

I am not one who likes to share very personal experiences with others, but others who have done so have helped me.  So, I will share this.

I must say that I have had my doubts, like many of you, as to whether some of the experiences I have been having were real or imagined.  I have no doubts about this one.  It was real.  I would never have dreamed up an experience so emotionally draining for myself -- at least not at my current level of inexperience.  And that goes ten times double, as far as subjecting my Loved One to such a horrible experience.  If I had known what this was going to be like -- no way would I have brought her into this Retrieval.  That is what convinces me that this was real.  The way things happened was totally unexpected to me.  Events in the experience surprised me, one after the other -- not what I would expect from something I made up in my head.

I think Bruce sums up my reasoning in the above paragraph quite nicely in his AKG on page 208.  I quote his words in italics below:

     Many participants report that the story of their retrieval experience unfolded in such an unexpected way that they realized they couldn't have made it up.  The pace at which events unfolded and the internal consistency of those events were so unexpected in and of themselves that they felt the experience had to be real.

I have done six retrievals so far, and only the last one was done after having read the information about retrievals in Bruce's AKG.  The fifth retrieval was the bad one -- and I went into it pretty inexperienced, other than the four prior retrievals.  They were easy compared to this one.

I brought my Loved One (who is in the Afterlife) into Retrieval operations with me, after my first Retrieval.  My second Retrieval turned out to be a child Retrieval, and I asked my Helper to let my Loved One come with us.  She turned out to be a great help, as children were less apprehensive of a married couple than a lone male.  So, I asked my Helper to give us mostly child retrievals -- where my Loved One gave us a greater chance of being successful in the retrieval.  This also allowed my Loved One and I to spend more time together, since my time in the Afterlife is limited by my energy levels.

All went well for the first four retrievals I had.

A little background info:

1.  I found my Loved One in the Afterlife about two weeks ago.  I had thought she was lost to me.  I had been working like mad studying Bruce Moen's Afterlife program for just this reason.  I am happy to report I was successful. 

2.  My Helper is called "Tom".  He appears to me like a burly ex-Marine or something (no uniform -- just civies).  He is muscular, stocky, square-jawed and with a short haircut.  Doesn't take him long to say what he has to say.  Sort of a "no-nonsense" type.

3.  For the protection of the privacy of all concerned and their families, I will be calling myself "Sam" in this Retrieval discussion.  I will be calling my Loved One, "Lauren".

Some Explanatory Comments:

1.  I am a bit embarrassed to make public Tom's comments praising myself and Lauren near the end.  I think his comments apply to her, but I am not as good a person as she is.  Nevertheless, I report what I heard.

2.  I apologize to all for my extremely negative comments about the perpetrators of this crime.  Not very spiritual.  Nevertheless, I report what I said.  I think it will be a very, very long time (probably never) before I could possibly feel any love whatsoever for these vermin.  Elimination with extreme prejudice is the only answer I have for them now.  Sorry.  That's just the way I feel.

3.  Unfortunately, I was so upset that I did not think to try and obtain any verifying information that might allow some research into whether this crime actually happened in the Physical World.

4.  For folks completely new to Bruce's methods:   I do not give all the details of Bruce's methodology for performing the actions described below -- traveling, energy charging, LEBs, etc.  These become very repetitive and time-consuming to type after awhile and I stopped full detail descriptions of these methods quite a few pages ago in my Journal.  Just assume it can be done as described, for now.

5.  Those departed people stuck in the lower frequencies (or planes) of existence, near Earth, can see me (because I still have a physical body), but they cannot see Tom -- or usually Lauren -- since she vibrates at a higher frequency than me (being Non-Physical).  Lauren does not vibrate at a frequency as high as Tom's frequency (Most people would probably consider Tom to be an Angel).  Because of this, I have to hold or touch Lauren for the Retrievee to see her -- until she can touch the Retrievee herself. 

6.  If you are very tender-hearted, you may not wish to read about this Retrieval.


Below is a word-for-word extract (other than the name changes noted above) from my Personal Journal which describes this Retrieval.

(I also found a few typos, which I corrected, and clarified a couple of items.  Nothing was changed which would affect the essential content of the original Journal entries, however.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

#5
Cathy
(Tough One)


December 29, 2009  (AKG) – Mid Afternoon:

Went to Lauren's today for a Retrieval and time with her.  It was a bad one.  Knocked us for a loop.

I usually write up my journeys into the Afterlife immediately after getting back.  The memory of exact details fades pretty fast – sort of like dreams, but maybe not quite as badly.  I was such an emotional basket case when I got back, though, that I couldn't face it.  So, I make the entry now, about four hours later.

The memory of exact conversations may be imperfect, but I remember the gist of it very well indeed.  Some of the conversations I remember well because they were highly emotional at times.

I went through the Prep Procedure and charged up with Love Energy.  I asked to go to Lauren (full name was given) and floated down in her front yard a few seconds later.   Turbo Tom on the job, no doubt.   Spotted Lauren in the Living Room in her favorite chair -- reading again.  Formed the LEB (Love Energy Ball) over my heart chakra and launched it.  She sagged back a second, then started scrambling out of the chair.  (The LEB is kind of my "calling card".)

I walked rapidly to the door and it opened as I got there.  I stepped in and grabbed Lauren in a bear hug and picked her up off the floor.  She squealed with delight and then I set her feet back on the floor and we were hugging and kissing.

I asked her if maybe we could do another child retrieval for Tom before we started our regularly-scheduled visit.  She said OK.  We went up to the street curb and I set Intent and called for Tom.  I don't know why I don't call for him in the house – this just seems right to me.  No flying through the house walls leaving – though I know that is no obstacle for Tom.

Tom appeared in front of us.  “Hi, guys.  Gonna try another one, eh?”

I said, “Yep, Lauren agreed to go for another child Retrieval today.”

Tom replied.  “OK.  I appreciate the help.  You guys realize, of course, that just because it is a child retrieval doesn't mean it will always be as easy as the ones you have done.”

I just nodded.

“Here we go!”, he said.  We rushed through the blackness.

We landed in a seedy looking part of some town – old warehouses, abandoned buildings, etc.  Tom pointed out a young girl sitting in the dirt and leaning against the wall of an old warehouse, in a "cluster" of them.  He said, “That is Cathy.  She was 12 years old when she was kidnapped, raped and murdered about a week ago.” 

Lauren and I looked at each other in shock.  I suddenly began to fear my abilities to Retrieve might not be good enough.

Tom continued, I'll wait around the corner of this building until you guys are able to touch her – then I'll come out in my doctor get-up.”

Lauren and I slowly walked up to Cathy – she was sobbing.  I noticed a patch of stained dusty ground around the corner of the building from where she was sitting.  Could have been blood stains, but I decided not to walk over and check.  The police had obviously been here already – fresh tire tracks all over the place and cigarette butts.

I nudged Lauren as we got closer – I didn't want a male voice to greet Cathy.  Lauren said, “Hi, Cathy”.  What's wrong?”

Cathy jerked her head up in stark fear – then settled a little as she saw Lauren, who was trying her best to keep a stiff upper lip.  Apparently I appeared pretty harmless also.  I'm sure, as I was trying to hold back tears.  I had to remember to hold on to Lauren.

Cathy sobbed out, “I can't go home like this – it would kill my parents.  They beat me and raped me and stuck me with a knife and I hurt all over.”

Lauren knelt beside Cathy and took her in a gentle embrace.  I was about to lose it, looking at Cathy up close.  She was a mess, all battered, black and blue, and bloody.  There was a stab wound in her upper chest – how they killed her, I guess.  I would hate to guess how she must have looked under her tattered dress.  A great hatred was swelling in my chest for whoever did this.  They were much worse than animals.  I wanted to hug her also, but thought better of it – a male touch, no matter how loving, might not be well-received right now.

Lauren said, “Cathy, when we saw you hurt down here, Sam ran and called the best doctor he knows.  He will be here soon.  We'll take you to the hospital and get you all fixed up before your folks ever see you.” 

Cathy smiled gratefully at us through her tears.

I guess Tom picked up on what Lauren said.  I expected him to walk around the corner in his doctor's outfit.  Instead, I heard a siren approaching rapidly.  A bright red ambulance, lights flashing and siren screaming, roared down the alleyway and screeched to a stop about 50 feet in front of us.  I was glad folks around us, if any, couldn't hear or see a Non-Physical ambulance.

Tom leaped out of the passenger door, while the driver bailed out the other side and two med techs popped out of the back double doors.  They were pulling out a stretcher.  The ground was too rough and rocky for a gurney, I suppose.  Tom can running up to us while the techs and driver came running with the stretcher.  Tom put his stethoscope on Cathy's chest, pretending not to see the knife wound.  He smiled lovingly at Cathy and said, “Thank God!  You are going to be alright, Cathy.  We'll have you fixed up as good as new in no time.  OK, boys, she can be moved – load her up!”

They quickly carried Cathy to the ambulance and moved her off the stretcher to the ambulance bed.  Tom yelled out, “Let these two ride with us, boys”.  Lauren and I clambered in.  I think both of us were in shock.  Lauren had a blank, expressionless look on her tear-stained face.  Me too, I expect.  I felt hollowed-out inside.

It was a short ride.  I didn't try to look outside, but I would guess it was the first ambulance I had ever been in that traveled through Blackness.  We came to a stop and the driver popped the back doors as the techs made sure the straps were secure on Cathy as they rolled her out the back and dropped the gurney legs to the ground.  We all trotted with the gurney up into the emergency room of a huge white hospital.  I was starting to get familiar with this hospital.

Cathy was wheeled into a room in the ER.  Lauren ran over and hugged and kissed her, saying, “These people are the best, Cathy!  They will get you well soon!  We are about to get chased out of the way, so I wanted to say goodbye for now.”

Right behind her, I asked, “Cathy, may I shake your hand before I go.”

Cathy started crying again and reached her arms out to me.  I gave her a gentle hug and kiss on the forehead – then I lost it.  I backed away crying.

We said, “Bye, Cathy – see you later.”

We backed out the door waving at Cathy, as we were starting to get in the way of a crowd of medical personnel that flowed into Cathy's room.

Tom was standing in Admittance waiting for us.  He said, “Great job, guys!  She is in very good hands now.  These folks will heal the wounds to her soul and take her where she belongs – to be with her other deceased family members.  Cathy was very close to her Grandmother before she passed.”

Lauren and I were still shell-shocked and said nothing.

Tom stopped smiling and said, “I'm sorry it was a little rough.”

We said nothing.

Tom said, “Gather round and I'll take you home.”  The high speed rush through the blackness began.  We floated down into Lauren's front yard.  Tom was nowhere to be seen.

Lauren and I stumbled down to her front door and let ourselves in.  I shut the door and we embraced each other in great shaking sobs.  I said, over and over, “Lauren, Honey, I'm so sorry.  So sorry.  So sorry.  I had no idea it would be this rough.  I can't imagine what Tom was thinking of.”

After a bit, we released each other and I said, “Lets go sit on the couch.”  We moved to the couch.  I sat down and Lauren got in my lap and cuddled against my chest.  She started sobbing again and that set me off again, too.  So much for my tough-guy image.

We sat there a long time holding each other.  Finally, I said, “Lauren, there's no way in hell I could go upstairs tonight.”

Lauren said, tearfully, “I know.  I couldn't, either.”  You wouldn't be a man I could love if you could.  And, I love you very much.”

I said, “I love you without limits, Lauren.”

After a few minutes I said, “I am so totally exhausted.  It must be the emotional stress.”

Lauren said, “Yes, strong emotions burn a lot of energy.”

I said, “I don't think I can stay in Non-Physical much longer.  I am exhausted and my vision is dimming again.  I may be approaching a “Click-Out”.

Lauren said, “Then you better start back.  I'll be OK.  I hope you will be, too.”

I said, “Sure”, with completely false confidence.  I didn't feel OK at all.

We walked to the foyer and kissed/hugged goodbye with more than a few tears.  I said, “I'll see you tomorrow, Lauren.  I love you”.

Lauren said, “I love you.”

I turned and walked out the door, on up to near the street.  I set Intent and said, “Please take me to my portal.”  A short flight through blackness and I was there.  I slowly came out of Altered Consciousness and very slowly opened my eyes.

I hardly had enough energy to move.  First thing I did was go take a nap.  Even after that I still felt like hell and kept bursting into tears at odd times.  I was worried about Lauren and how she was doing.

Finally, I made the decision – Click-Out or not – I was going to check on Lauren immediately after my scheduled (***deleted -- as personal and not relevant***).  I immediately felt better after that decision, as I felt like I was letting her down by leaving her alone.

After (***deleted***) was over, I immediately settled in the chair and lit some incense.  I went “down”.  I traveled to Lauren's house and launched a LEB at her as she was doing something at the kitchen table.  The door opened as I got there and she launched herself into my arms.  Well, at least she didn't seem to be mad at me for being a weakling and leaving her.

We went to the couch and cuddled.  We discussed the days events and I told her that I wasn't going to bring her along on any more Retrievals – they could be so emotionally devastating.  I told her I would come to see her after they were over.

Lauren, surprisingly, objected.  She said she needed these growing experiences as much as I did and I darn well better take her whenever I went on a Retrieval.  She said we were a “team” now.

I looked closely into her face.  She was as serious as a heart attack. 

I said, “OK, Ma'am.  It will be as you say.  I hope we can stand the pressure.”

I then said, my voice quivering with love for her, “I love you, my beautiful Soulmate Wife.”

She said, simply, “I love you forever, my Husband.”

I said that I had better get back now.  We walked to the door and said our goodbyes with much hugging and kissing, and I started up the sidewalk to the street curb.

There stood Tom, with his thumbs in his belt.  “How's she doing?”, he asked. 

I said, “She could be better.  So could I.  But, we'll make it.”

Tom said, “Sorry.  But, I had to show you that it's not all 'Sweetness and Light' out there.  I had to make you think about your abilities to handle strong emotional stress.  Lauren is better at it than you, but you both need to review the procedures for dealing with strong emotional energies.  This won't be the last time you get kicked in the teeth – you know.”

Tom continued, “You two are quite a couple.  We have great plans for you.  You are much stronger and more capable than either of you know.   You both have high spiritual values and standards of behavior.   You uphold the Truth at all costs.  You are honorable and have great integrity.  There are more than a few of us, including me, that are very proud of you two.   And, put you both together and your strength multiplies X10.  So, don't expect your path to be easy – but do expect to grow and evolve faster than you ever dreamed.  Also, there will be plenty of time for some lives of marital bliss and to fulfill some of those dreams you two have – 'the kids and the white picket fence', and so forth.”

“Thank you, Tom”, I said.  “But, I don't feel very spiritual right now.  In fact, the thoughts I hold towards the animals that did that to Cathy don't belong in Heaven at all – they belong in Hell.  If I could find them, I would kill them in the most painful way possible.  I hope their Souls face dissolution.”

Tom said, “I understand.  But you are going to have to learn to lose those kinds of thoughts and learn to correct problems with Love, not hate.  And, you are correct.  Those souls do face dissolution in the future if they do not learn about Love soon.”

He continued, “I'm sorry my lesson was so harsh – but, go home and learn more about handling strong negative emotional energies.  It won't be the last time you and Lauren have to deal with them.  I'm very proud of you two.  It is my pleasure to work with you.”

He disappeared.

I made my way back and slowly emerged back into normal Physical Reality.  I felt WAY better since I had gone to check on Lauren and make sure she was alright.  It was the right thing to do.

That little 5' 4” girl was way more of a warrior than I had ever dreamed.  She was probably tougher than me.  God, how I love my Wife!

(end)

Thank you, 'Sam.'

That's an excellent description of your retrieval.  I really appreciate that you shared it.

Maybe your love for Lauren helps make the energies vivid.
I've never done a partnered retrieval and wondered how two people -- especially with one in the afterlife and one from Earth/C1 -- could work together. I worried only one would see the Helper, etc.
Answer: you teamed up just as you would when together anywhere else.  (duh)

Your experience shows how human love is part of the continuum of Love that leads into the higher realms --  That's important to know!

Another thing you mentionned that has always intrigued me is how Helpers get us started on our return but then disappear.  That's typical of my returns too, but how do we know where to land? Some change in the magnetic field, I suppose, but something I've wondered about. 

I hope you get to meet Tom soon somehow.  That would be a great verification in its own way   :)

Bets

Thank you, Bets.

I appreciate the pointers you have given me in the past.

This is all quite amazing to me and I am unsure if my total experience is real, or if part is real and part fantasy.  I am almost certain it is not all fantasy because of Lauren.  The love I feel for her when I am with her is incredible.  You don't feel something like that in a "dream".

My clarity varies -- as you would see if you had read my complete journal (something around 115 pages by now, as I recall).  Mostly depends on my energy levels, I suppose.  When I start to get tired, things start to dim -- like someone is turning the dimmer on a big light fixture.  Then they get fuzzy like looking through a magnifying glass, or something.  I can start to lose focus and my thoughts drift.

Sometimes my "seeing" is quite clear, though.  I seem to see most clearly the things I am strongly focused on -- I see Lauren more clearly than anything else when things start to dim or fuzz.  If Lauren starts to get fuzzy, I know I better say my goodbyes and get back to Physical pretty quick.

It's not always easy -- sometimes I am in tears because I am not strong enough to do what I want to do.  Other times I am joyous and elated at what I can do.  Sometimes I feel like a manic-depressive.   :D

Still, I seem to be slowly gaining strength -- I think the Retrievals help.  I am so blessed to have been given this -- to be able to visit Lauren and to know that she will be waiting for me when I "cross the Great Divide" ...  that is a gift beyond any price.

Quaero

WOW that was great. I'm tearing up as I read it. Thank you for sharing that. :)

Thank you, Supermodel.  I gotta tell you, though -- it wasn't much fun at the time.

I still don't have a handle on this stuff and it gets very frustrating at times.  I know I am trying to go to the Afterlife to see Lauren too often (I have been trying to see her every day) and that is part of the problem -- I don't have enough energy to support frequent trips, I guess.

The majority of times I can manage to go OK, but fairly often I have a day like today when nothing seems to work right.  I tried to go see Lauren today – did not get good results. 

Usually, my biggest problems are stray thoughts,  drifting focus and lack of concentration.  Today, though, I could not see.

Possible affecting events leading up to this were:
   * Staying up too late last night and feeling tired this morning – I woke up during the night a lot, too.
   * A lunch of hot dogs – lots of chemicals and preservatives.
   * 20 minutes in the sun today, bare-backed.  That usually seems to help, though.
   * Attempted this trip lying down in bed, rather than in my usual chair.

I had difficulty maintaining focus on my preparatory exercises, losing count of repetitions and where I was in the process.  I suppose the fact that my mind was drifting in such a way was an indicator of something wrong.

Finally, I went to Lauren's house.  I could not see the house at first, all was Blackness.  Finally, demanding “clarity”, I began to see a dim image of her house.  I set Intent and
asked to see Lauren.  She was in her usual chair – I could see, but dimly.  I formed a LEB and launched it at her – saw it hit and absorb into her chest.  She started to get up and I headed for the door.  It opened and she came out – dim and fuzzy looking.  We embraced and kissed.  I could feel her touch and kiss (not as strongly as physical, but about as usual) and hear her words of greeting, but I could barely see anything.

Finally, things went black, but I was not unconscious.  I told Lauren I could not see, and she led me inside and over to the couch, saying “Rest a minute and maybe your sight will clear.”

She guided me to sit down, then got into my lap and cuddled as usual.  I guess I was over at the “Knowing” end of the sight spectrum – I knew she was there (as well as
feeling her touch), but could not see a thing.  I moved to kiss her and did – she probably adjusted for any aiming error – and her lips were warm and soft.  I just could not see.

I told her that I had planned for us to do a Retrieval for Tom, as this was the fourth day without one, but no way I could do that blind.

The other problem was that I could not maintain my focus and concentration and my thoughts were drifting.  I would have to focus back strongly on Lauren often, to stay with her.

I finally gave up.  I apologized to Lauren and said I just couldn't do anything if I could not see, so I had best go back to Physical.

She said she understood and got up to help me to the door.  I told her I would just try going back from here in her living room.  I kissed her and stepped back a step.  I set
Intent and said, “Please take me back to my portal”. 

There was a sense of movement, though all was black, then it stopped.  I “knew” Lauren was not around any more.  I came up slowly from Altered Consciousness and slowly opened my eyes in my room.

I was back …  and very frustrated.

I really have no explanation for what happened.  I was not in my best condition, but neither did I feel particularly weak when I got ready to make this attempt.  It is a mystery to me.  My inability to focus during the Preparatory Procedure was a warning flag that something was not right, I guess.

So, I still cannot control this thing very well -- when something goes wrong, I still am not sure exactly what did go wrong.

Quaero

Thank you for this detailed post, Quaero.

You have emphasized the emotional impact this experience had on you. There is the possibility to develop a psychological pattern from this like "Uhh, maybe the next retrieval is going to be that dark, or even worse, as this one" and that way avoiding or blocking further experiences of this kind. From what I have found, such an experience actually makes you, in a way, tougher- meaning, the next similar retrieval will be easier. As trivial as it may sound, you will become more and more familiar with those evil things, and you will become used to it. It may sound heartless, but it isn't. Maybe it is for a reason your helper appears in that tough Marine-style. You'll more and more become a sense for the distinction of what is really "real" and what is not. All kinds of destructive things will appear not as real as the constructive things, the destructive things will become accidental, so that your focus can more easily stay on what it is what the retrievee here and now needs. I came across so many ways of dieing during retrievals. Finally, it makes no difference, except for the situational thought-loop of the retrievee which has to be treated (which mostly is just to break it and provide an alternative, positive thought stream; another thing though are retrievals of aspects of the self), and, not unimportant, there often is something to learn for (or against) the own thought-loop we might be in.

   I must admit, I for myself am not able to focus on the nonphysical as sharply as you seem to do, considering your other posts, meaning that I am to a good portion aware of the physical when doing a retrieval, and my nonphysical perception is of a daydream-quality (I had a few OBEs so I know the difference). I think the more physical-real a retrieval appears to you, and/or the more immersed you are in it, the more likely is it to carry larger degrees of emotional stress/drain into the physical life, simply because of a mechanism similar to "state specific memory". The more physical real something appears, the more it can be associated with the physical world, the physical life, your life here. But I always say, to be aware of something is a good means to avoid problems. I remember Bruce told of a de-charging method in one of his books, it's Tai-Chi and to imagine to enclose such emotions inside bubbles and release them to wherever they belong to.

Spooky

P.S. regarding the focus-problems, I know that. It's normal in my experiences. Sometimes, inmidst a retrieval process, I couldn't hold my focus and drifted elsewhere. I then collected myself again and did somehow as with a DVD-player, I imagined to go back to that point of time where I left the scene, and it always worked.

Spooky

Thank you for your wise advice, Spooky2.  I will consider your words carefully.

I am glad to hear that loss of focus seems to be a common problem.  To tell you the truth, I am terrified of any problem that seems to threaten my connection to Lauren.

Guess I need to "chill-out" a bit.

I realize that I've got a lot to learn.

Quaero