12/23/09 - Morning session:

Exercise 3-cd Questions

1. What impressions of the energy did you have after it gathered at the heart?

2. Describe any feeling at the center of your chest that might indicate a buildup of energy there?

Session starts with a nerve spasm under side of right thigh, left side follows a line about six inches long… energy ridge forming… energy activity above the eyes… image of bald headed man… (Lobsang Rampa…??) long energy spasm line at heart level… right side… extending about 6 to 8 inches down and penetrating the solar plexus…

[highlight of exercise… I discovered a belief system which is the basis of my repression of love emotions… the computation is… that great love attracts or is followed by great pain… it comes from another life… saw a Chinese man… was that me??? ]

I need to now figure out how to handle this development.

1. There is the Change belief system procedure.
2. There is the ‘ask a burning question’ exercise.
3. There is ‘let the thing develop… continue to do the   
    Heart/Love exercise until it seems like there is nothing 
    more to pull up??
4. It seems one can do this one exercise series forever and
   get new material. Do that until it stops yealding new
   information or press on through the book to the end… this
   is a dilemma.

S.

Warning these exercises Chapter 8 - 9 could unleash the deepest secrets of your soul… beware!!! Ask yourself this question: Am I ready for anything? Can I face my creations whatever they may be? They are the Heart of the Matter… !!!

The session begins… energy gathering, powerful, going deeper and deeper… suddenly I am in a dimension shift…. I am surprised and startled… I have no body… I have no body sensation only energy… I later realize I am in the “expanded energy body” but it doesn’t generate the ‘real time zone double’… I am conscious of images and life streams… I am a medieval man forcing myself on a young woman… this is my kind of love… (…the exercise question is remember a time when you were loving and feeling love…)   I remembered… (…remember another time you were feeling love and loving… ) …I am admiring the crown, my lush satin maroon robes… I love power… I would and did anything for power… bodies a lot of bodies, deceit and cunning… betrayal and brutal exploitation… to wear the crown a desperate LOVE of power…. All putrication flooding out of the deepest recesses of my soul… a dynamic cleansing…. I didn’t understand the earlier post… about love and pain… my repression of love… stems from extraordinary violence and crimes in the fulfillment of the LOVE of Power… so wonderful after so many centuries of repressed guilt and remorse… black stuff pouring out into the ethers a dynamic “release and discharge….”

There are all kinds of Love and the love I valued most in the deepest parts of my being is the Love of Power.

I am free of that obsession I think.

S.

12/24/09 - Taking a break today, that was a major breakthru yesterday which will require a great deal of analysis to dissect the influences that are barriers to my spiritual goals in present time.  Those belief systems are still there and influence my growth for good or ill. I always wondered why I never had the usual love experiences in this life… now I know… I spent a lifetime suppressing love… I seemed to have a computation that said if you want power… love was a barrier to making cold calculated decisions of life, death… deception, cunning and the like require the identification of the naïve and exploiting them… my computation seemed to be to avoid liking or loving someone… because it would skew your aims… I seemed to develop a belief system around this idea… it, the belief system of course is wrong… it was wrong then and is definitely wrong now because I am not in a position to acquire any sort of power now… nor do I want it… and even if it were true for people who wish to acquire power… I don’t need this belief system in this life… yet it hung around, left over from the past sitting there silently influencing my life and actions in the present,creating irrational situation and actions now that made no sense... this is were this all comes from...

S.

12/24/09 - With that great cloud lifted… I see why it is I could ‘love’ my little dog… and not feel deep remorse when it died… but, was that… the belief system kicking in to protect my sensibilities or was it because I have never believed that people or things truly die… BM says there can be no fear where there is love… can there be remorse or any other negative emotion… or are these emotions learned responses that we shift into… because of some other mechanism and that sustaining love is like a shielding or cloaking which doesn’t allow anything else to enter?

Love surpasseth understanding. Love is the sum of the Law.

S.





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