Hi everyone!

I'm 43, and my fiance is someone I dated all throughout high school. We loved each other very much, and he was my best friend. We thought that we'd stay together forever, but as kids will do, we ended up breaking up after we graduated. We lost touch for many years, although we never forgot about each other.

During our time apart, he got married and had two children. He wasn't in a particularly happy marriage, unfortunately. And to make matters worse, his wife died last year of breast cancer at age 41, leaving him and the two children she loved dearly behind.

Through the years, he and I had exchanged emails rather infrequently. Last year, the emails increased somewhat as his wife became more ill. I was able to lend support, and at that point I had no idea that he was unhappy in his marriage.

After she passed away, we ended up reconnecting. It was an absolutely glorious reunion for us. We wished that we had never broken up in the first place, but perhaps there were life lessons to experience before we could reunite.

We are now engaged, and I have become "mom" to his 4 and 6 year-old children. They have some memories of their mother, but as time goes on, it will be only me they will really ever know as mom. Of course they will grow up knowing about their birth mother, and I feel very strongly about that responsibility.

I often wonder about my fiance's wife and my connection to her. Is it possible this was all planned before we all entered into this life? And I can't help but feel like she is keeping tabs on me - making sure I am doing right by her children. Sometimes I feel disturbed by it. I feel awful she is not here to be mom to those kids, and sometimes I don't feel worthy of the designation. But I know that I am all they have.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and impressions about this. I can't help but ponder the incredulity of how this has all unfolded!

Robin

Hello Bird:

It's hard to say. On the one hand things can be planned, on the other hand we have free choice. The degree to which free will and pre-planned events take place can vary.

I believe we have divine helpers who help us plan things behind the scenes, but they'll do so in a way where they don't interfere with our freewill.

When I say "planned", I guess I'm considering the possibility that before coming into this life, we had made some sort of an agreement with each other that upon her death, I would be in a position to raise her children. That perhaps we are connected in this way rather than complete strangers.

Hi Robin,

Welcome back!  :) 
And congraatulations on your new family!

Maybe Recoverer was guiding you to not get too tightly attached  to either/ any connection with those who have passed over. The main thing now, as you already know, is to be the best you can be for yourself and your loved ones.

I believe that it's certainly possible that you all know each other and have planned this life together.  Yet it's probably not 100% possible to know to what degree our own lives progress as planned, much less how intertwined others are with us.

Eternal life with its on-going relationships is a wondrous experience!

PUL, Bets

it all just seems so amazing, and I can't help but wonder!! I guess my biggest hurdle right now is overcoming this feeling of guilt that I am in a position to care of these children and she is not. When I allow myself to go down the road that perhaps this was somehow all agreed upon, it does lessen my guilt. But just as you said, it's really hard to know either way. When I had spoke to a psychic who I respect, she had implied that I was not Regina's (my fiance's deceased wife) first choice for her husband, but I am the sparkle in his eyes. That made me feel bad as I was hoping to receive her approval.

Hi,

You're not in a triangle!  Perhaps previously you've been very close with the soul that was recently Regina and some left-over feelings  remain. But guilt is a downer!  Dump the guilt, Robin, so you can fully enjoy these souls that have chosen (we think  :)  )  to be with you!

Bets

I cannot believe someone would have the nerve to imply that you were not Regina's first choice.....that annoys me just hearing it.

You are incredibly important to Regina, imo, and the gifts you will offer not just hers, but your children (soon enough) are completely unique and should not be judged in such a way! At all!

Those children are incredibly lucky that they are going to have an example of true love lived out before their eyes. In my opinion, you need to separate who you are and who Regina is, in your mind, completely and thoroughly, and do not be the slightest bit ashamed of who you are in these children's lives.

I was separated from a mother I loved, given mother #2 when I was only 7 or so. I wouldn't trade her for anyone, mother #2. I love mother #1, of course. But don't anyone say a bad word about my mother #2. Ever. Got it?

thank you all for the kind words! you are absolutely right. regardless of any possible connection to regina in the past, what is most important is that i am able to provide these children with unconditional love and security. they are so lucky to have that, and i'm sure regina must be so happy that i am in a position to do so.