I finished Bruce's third book, just signed onto this great forum, and was going strong with my personal explorations.  Then I hit the Holiday/Hobby Wall (HHW.)  It always happens.  When ever I have a 3 day weekend or time off for some holiday that has no family or friend activities planned, I see it as free time to get some stuff done, usually hobby related.  I get obsessed, and it tends to crowd out all my other activities.  And wouldn't you know it, It happened again this year!  Heh heh.

Anywho, I started in on planning my free time before Christmas, obsessing over funds, workshop-time, family time, etc. and lost my focus on self/consciousness exploration.  I had just finished Bruce's third book, and the fourth was delayed in shipping because of the regular holiday USPS jam-up.  Another stroke against me.  Another brick in the HHW.

The whole time I am thinking about how I need to focus on consciousness exploration, but am unable to as my mind clamps down on my HHW.  Very frustrating.  It is times like these that I get off track enough to let my practices lapse for months on end.  

I finally got Voyage to Curiosities’ Father and started reading it.  The holidays were over and life was starting to get back to its normal routines.  I was still having trouble 'finding that place' mentally or emotionally where things just seem 'right' with consciousness exploration.  It’s a feeling I have recognized when ready to lay down to it, or while driving, or even while sitting at work typing up purchase orders.  I have no name for it.  It’s a feeling of serenity in the middle of chaos.  A feeling of 'oh well, I can handle it.'  It’s nice and open ended.  I identify it with the perfect frame of mind for my explorations.  But I was still missing this feeling.  I asked for it (not from anyone in particular) every time I lay down to explore only to fall asleep or succumb to monkey chatter.  Even when only idly thinking about these things, I still found myself expressing a desire to feel this way again; to no avail it seemed.

All this leads to today:  I am on my morning break.  I decide to crack open Voyage to Curiosities’ Father while I have a few minutes to spare.  I am reading Bruce's conversation with Rosalie about planning and ruining the plans of cross-over time line events. (pages 37-39.)  His example is of a rushing individual trying to get to a dentist appointment that was missed due to an impromptu cigarette run.  This story hit me right square in the face - almost a physical feeling.  I felt the HHW I'd created crumble.  The feeling behind it, the one I'd been missing, shone through and I could feel the warm rays on my face.  I didn't know why at first, and then it hit me!  

I already knew this story!  

Let me explain.  I am a very impatient and angry driver.  I don’t get abusive, I don’t yell at other drivers so they can hear me, and I don’t use rude hand gestures as a rule.  But I do get fuming angry and curse people under my breath or drive a little too close.  And every time I do I immediately feel guilt over my activities and feelings.  A thought pops into my head about how being angry only effects me and does not cause a result of retribution or an acknowledgement from other drives about how they are messing with the way I want my drive to be and they are sorry.  It only hurts me.

And then I think, ‘what if they are having a bad day?  What if they are late picking up their 4-month-old daughter from the day-care too?’  Next comes the thoughts that, reminded of them today, lovingly smacked me on the forehead when I read Bruce's story:  ‘What if these slow, bad driving (my opinion), and annoying other drivers were put in my path for a reason?  What if they were put there to keep me on some kind of helpful schedule?  I should respect that and back off.’  And it's that thought that comforts me over all the others.  Where did that thought come from?  It always seems so alien to me, but so 'right' that I never question the idea after I've had it.  It deflates my anger and I go on to the next angry situation on the road and it deflates my anger again, and again, and so on.

I realize this is the answer I was asking for.  Time-line event crossings or CWs may be at work.  I cannot confirm this with out first hand knowledge of course, but it feels like this story was received at just the right time with just the right push I needed to break down my Holiday/Hobby Wall.

Bruce, I love your books.  I love that you have shared this with me.   I love that the universe is working with me, or I with it, and that I am opening my eyes to this cooperation.  Thanks all.

I enjoyed reading this and enjoy your posts.  The whole driving thing reminds me of myself too, and I have to also put things into perspective the same way--that anger is something we do to ourselves.  We don't always know the bigger picture.

:)

Ditto to what Vicky says!

Wonderful synchronicity, Sulla -- Your universe is unfolding as it should !

Betson

I enjoyed your post also Sulla and welcome. what you are doing is looking at something very human. the trait of impatience. I am the same way and what we call road rage is about anger. I like the way you are handling it. I like Bruce's books too. what you are doing is practicing forgiveness of the other drivers to disengage the impatience before it turns into anger. my thought is the same as yours; what if all those people are put on the road the same time as I am there for a reason I cannot see? what if I'm not supposed to get to the dentist on time, and if I do make that green light an accident occurs that I haven't foreseen?
I feel by practicing what you are doing is so important to effect your entire life, in many ways as it makes life more enjoyable if we figure out ways to not get uptight.

then I like the way you mentioned in the midst of chaos how you sometimes get that state of awareness that is a peaceful feeling and knowing that you can handle whatever it is, and that you want that all the time. I do too. for me its like a spacious feeling all around and not one bit of confusion enters in.
I sometimes liken that feeling to stepping into a fourth or 5th dimension of quiet purposefulness, where you can work or do the hobby and still have the equanimity in place consistently.
you are the host of your thoughts and feelings. the guests who arrive are your thoughts and feelings. You are being selective of who is invited to the party. good for you!
:)