Hi there,

To be honest: I am bored with my own thought-system.

Let's face it, it's getting me nowhere, but trouble. I am so bored at it, if I could, I'ld throw away the whole thing, but I can't.

I am not just bored, it really tires me mentally to fight the same things all over again and to see I am not really good at changing.

I'ld like to go over the reasons, that prevent me from change (although I really want it). If you have any ideas to destroy those reasons that prevent me from change, you're welcome to help me get rid of them:

Reasons/thoughts that prevent me to change:

1. If I change, it will prove that I was wrong.
If I prove I am wrong, I prove I make mistakes.
If I prove I make mistakes, I prove I am not that smart.
If I am not that smart, I am stupid.
If I am stupid, it means I am worth less.
If I am worth less, it means I am loved less.
If I am loved less, in the end nobody will care about me.
If nobody cares about me, I will be lonely.
If I am lonely, the day I will be sick, nobody will help me.
If nobody helps me when I am sick, I will be put in much more suffering because I cannot be alone and do everything myself.
Therefore I conclude that: If I change, I fear I will get no love and be alone even in terrible circumstances where I would need someone.

2. If I change to be more loving:
a) If people see that I am more loving, people will misuse that love for their own benefit
b) I will have much more obligations, that I cannot always face. Therefore I will hurt people, because their expectations will be higher.
c) What does it mean to be more loving? What are the implications: I don't know what is expected from me?
d) I will constantly have to help other people, even if that destroys my life. eg. give my time constantly to others, and have no time to take care of myself
e) I saw that loving people around me, were not happier. (Comment: that must not have been PUL)
f) If I give PUL to others, they can take away everything from me (which is not much, let's face it) and I will still have to love them. I don't really get that, because it is not fair towards me.

3) Writing about having difficulties about PUL on this website is dangerous because:
a) People will think I am heartless, and then they will love me less and then I will have to love myself less, to teach myself to be more loving.
b) It is bad for my karma to say or write things that are negative. So to write about it, will push me to some hell.
c) I am supposed to handle my own difficulties and not bother others. Bothering others with my problems is not a good, loving way to behave.
d) If no solution come up from this website AND if I do not come up with a solution, quickly, I am gonna become really desperate.
e) I proove that I am less good than any other loving member of this website, therefore I will be loved less.

4. To be loved, you have to possess something (eg. some knowledge) that makes somebody happy. What I got does not seem to matter to many people physically around me.

5. Things that makes me worth to be loved:
- I am a very determined person
- I don't give up easily
- I can make much sacrifice for one goal
- I always establish priorities thinking of the consequences it has on another human being OR previously learned lessons
- I am a deep thinker
- Even without hope, I act with hope
- I don't work for money
- I already worked very hard to get myself here

Some thoughts might sound stupid, but in my mind, they make sense. SO for me, it is not silly, it is my reality.

I've tried to change them, but seem to have difficulties.

If you have ideas, to change that you're welcome.

If you have practical ideas to get rid of this, feel free to tell me.

Sonia

When i got up yesterday morning i went outside, and it was still dark.

The first bird that sings...I heard it...what is it talking about?

I can still hear it, that first bird that had something it needed to say, wanted to say, enough to be the first.

hello once more S. I can feel your desperation. it's a type of fear construct is desperation.

If you can view the fear as an illusion, as not real, as just a feeling, intense as it is, you might be able to see thru it.

I wanted to ask you, if our reading you here, if knowing that we are reading your posts, if that helps at all?

I think you are supposed to be here, writing this down. but I don't have more details other than what I pm-ed you with.
it's like you have to record everything right now, and this is where you do it. in some ways I feel it is helping you, but slowly. you'd like it to move along faster, your enlightenment, your fullness.

patience is not your best quality. you are persistent. I share that quality with you.
I believe you are our disc member. You have found us and know this somewhere inside of you.

my heart goes out to you. I wish to have others surround you now. Let's think about faithfulness to whatever the highest truth is.

try this for now. it's a definition of Fear.
F=False
E=Evidence
A=Appearing
R=Real

what you feel is not real. You are love, and cannot escape from God, your father who created you. You did not make yourself.

We are One. all for one, and one for all. We are all at home now, dreaming we are in hell. sometimes it's not hell. other times it is.
I hold another vision for you, I do not see your fear as real.

In my vision, you are lovely and perfectly safe from untruth and illusions. ask for a miracle, and receive it.
I'm sorry I cannot help you in a more practical manner.
most of my language is from religious perspective, and I sense religion is not your focus.

maybe someone here can help S?

Alysia,

As I PM'ed you, thank you for sharing those thoughts with me.

The reason I lack PATIENCE is because I should be aware of the consequences of my actions.

As long as I think wrong, I act wrong.
As long as I act wrong, I will hurt other people in some way.
I don't want to hurt anybody,
that is why I want to work fast. I don't want anybody suffer from my lack of "love" or other misconceptions.

And yes, I have the feeling I am not working fast enough.

I feel slow and shallow and off track on some matters
and it angers me at myself.

If I were more loving, I would be more of help,
I would see over myself and over my fears and see clearer
I would be stronger and many many more things that I am not now.

Thank you all for your advice.

I sincerely hope you will have the patience that I lack.

Sonia

wrote on Sep 28^th, 2008 at 4:24pm:

When i got up yesterday morning i went outside, and it was still dark. The first bird that sings...I heard it...what is it talking about? I can still hear it, that first bird that had something it needed to say, wanted to say, enough to be the first.

It is funny blink, but I once spoke to someone who told me the same.

That person said I was being complicated and wanted to share something with me, as simple as a bird singing and a flower blooming.

It's probably the misunderstanding of emotion that makes me complicated.

Alysia, I so hope you will be patient with me, but I explained in another post why I am not that patient.

I so badly want to solve it all. That's all I know.

I so would like you to stay with me until I have done so, because I am tired to be alone on that quest for knowledge and change.

Sonia

Sonia,

Vous devez votre amour de soi et savoir que vous êtes un précieux jewl dans l'esprit de

Aimer

Alan

attempt to translate this french (had only french 1) because, Alan, it's beautiful and I want others to read it's meaning:
please correct me those who are french experts:

Vous devez votre amour de soi et savoir que vous êtes un précieux jewl dans l'esprit de

Aimer

You demand your love of God, what you are is a precious jewel within Spirit. Fond regards

I know I have this wrong. correct. I love french!

Sonia said:

It's probably the misunderstanding of emotion that makes me complicated.
______
that's possible. try this idea on for size: you are not your emotions; you are not therefore, your reactions.
You do not have to let emotions dictate your behavior therefore. See emotions as tools. See them as messengers. Respect your emotions but do not let them rule your mind, nor your behavior.
This morn I thought about Sonia being a squeaky wheel; the one that gets the grease is the squeaky wheel. we be greasing you now.
______
S says:
Alysia, I so hope you will be patient with me, but I explained in another post why I am not that patient.
___
yes, well, I think I invented patience, so have some of mine.
as for explaining why you are impatient, it doesn't hold water because I know the truth of you and no matter how far you run from truth, it's like your shadow. you cannot escape your shadow by running.
The sun is what causes the shadow to be there. Patience is related to faith. When your experiences of Love/God fruition, you will know what patience is, and then you will develop from patience, faith.
Faith can move mountains. why? because God is doing the moving, not the ego self which is always afraid that it cannot do anything right.
the ego is afraid, because it's true; we cannot do anything without God and the knowing that we are One with God.
_____
Sonia Reguests:
I so would like you to stay with me until I have done so, because I am tired to be alone on that quest for knowledge and change.
_____
I can hardly refuse when you put it that way! lol. Stay Sonia, as long as you like. make yourself comfortable. have some tea, or coffee. relax. don't be afraid of rejection here or anywhere. focus on love. focus on us who read you.
don't put yourself under pressure to perform for us some expectation you think we have.
We take our cues from you.
Because we're tuned into the collective areas.
nobody will put you down here.
If they do, we have a police force here. they are invisible beings, but I have seen them working.
you can be reborn here, in your spirit, because we all a part of God, so a part of you too.

Like I told my friend Alan once:
I will never forsake you
I will never let you down
I will always love you.
I choose to be faithful to God who is love.

when I said this to Alan, I meant to say it to the world and everyone on this board is like the world to me.
especially since I saw the heavenly host of guides and messengers skirting around this board. they were training other guides who wished to assist us. in this, the shift in consciousness is global.

What Sonia is going through is what many, many are going through. It's just that Sonia is a vocal person about it. a spokesperson for many. so Sonia is a global person also.

there are some here, I do believe Sonia, who would agree with me, that they will not let you down either.  :)

Alysia,

Close enough but meaning is often lost in direct translation. We need to be able to interpret and I don’t think I can do that in French.

I would like Sonia to tell us how correct it is when she reads it

I speak four languages and can read a few others. Afrikaans for instance is very much like Dutch and German. I also speak an African dialect called "Fanagalor' This means like this I speak Zulu and can understand a few other local languages

Our all knowing Don was amused with me saying he knew Hebrew and I did not. How can he know this??

Sometimes it can be unwise to challenge this aged  wizard
שְׁלִישִׁי׃ ף


וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים יִקָּווּ הַמַּיִם מִתַּחַת הַשָּׁמַיִם אֶל־מָקֹום אֶחָד וְתֵרָאֶה הַיַּבָּשָׁה וַיְהִי־כֵן׃
 וַיִּקְרָא אֱלֹהִים לַיַּבָּשָׁה אֶרֶץ וּלְמִקְוֵה הַמַּיִם קָרָא יַמִּים וַיַּרְא אֱלֹהִים כִּי־טֹוב׃  וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלֹהִים תַּדְשֵׁא הָאָרֶץ דֶּשֶׁא עֵשֶׂב מַזְרִיעַ זֶרַע עֵץ פְּרִי עֹשֶׂה פְּרִי לְמִינֹו אֲשֶׁר זַרְעֹו־בֹו עַל־הָאָרֶץ וַיְהִי־כֵן׃  וַתֹּוצֵא הָאָרֶץ דֶּשֶׁא עֵשֶׂב מַזְרִיעַ זֶרַע לְמִינֵהוּ וְעֵץ עֹשֶׂה־פְּרִי* אֲשֶׁר זַרְעֹו־בֹו לְמִינֵהוּ וַיַּרְא אֱלֹהִים כִּי־טֹוב׃ 13 וַיְהִי־עֶרֶב וַיְהִי־בֹקֶר יֹום שְׁלִישִׁי׃ ף

is that you Alan?  :) u look like God.

blessings, thanks for adding your picture.

Really Alysia, That's what your God looks like?  :o  Sort of that made up, Charlton Heston trying to look like Moses or Merlin sort of look.
Joe

Sonya, You said "I am bored with my own thought system".  Well one thing about all of us here is that we have the ability to change. I sort of think that's what you are doing right now. Changing. Looking for others who are changing or asking questions. If you think that you are not able to change, it could hold you back from doing so.  Open your mind to the possibility of change and if you don't like the direction you are moving, make the intention to change that direction. Everyone here will be more than willing to lend you a helping hand should you feel that you are stumbling along the way.
Joe

hawkeye wrote on Sep 29^th, 2008 at 4:59pm:

Really Alysia, That's what your God looks like?  :o  Sort of that made up, Charlton Heston trying to look like Moses or Merlin sort of look. Joe

we all see images differently Joe. I kinda like Alan, right from the start. maybe I knew him from somewhere.
It seems like you don't like him, but that's your perogative and I'm sure Alan's feelings will not be hurt that u say he's trying to look like Moses or Merlin.

the way I see Alan, is he does have a sense of humor, but he is also able to be sensitive to unkind remarks made here..just as I get myself up in a dither whenever someone says something they think is funny, but I learned that humor can be taken two ways...

so I try to explain when I'm trying to be funny..and it's not coming across that way..Alan taught me this...one time he said, Alysia, I don't know if you're serious or not...

made me stop and think Alan, because I want to improve my communication to others..so thanks again Alan.

saying he looked like God was my way of saying I love you.

thanks for the post to Sonia, I would like Sonia to know she is accepted here and u just did that very well.

Alysia/Alan, I meant no harm or disrespect. I was under the impression the photo was a fake one. If I offended eather of you, it was not my intention. Please except my apologies. I have no reason to not like Alan. From what I have read he seems like a fine man. Strong beliefs and very knowledgeable. I do have differences of opinion, as I do with others also, but nothing in particular. And if that is you Alan, thats a great look. Did anybody tell you you look like Merlin or something like that? (I told Jason(AKA) once I didn't like his red hair. It didn't mean I don't like him. It meant, I don't like red hair on men.) I don't think he is tring to represent himself as Merlon or God. Just his look reminds me of those people. (Thank goodness I didn't say  C. Manson or a derelict or something like that)
When I asked if that's what your God looks like, it is more because I have never seen my God as a human being. In body so to speak. I have seen countless pictures depicting God or Jesus as having a certain sort of look. You know, old man on the throne, with a long beard. Or Jesus with his beard and long brown hair. For me its all about having fixed realities. If God is an old man in your minds eye then when you die and go before him (if that's what you believe will happen) that's what you will see. A old, wise man on a throne. Perhaps with angels around him. Many people have this belief. I would imagine that hundreds of thousands will see just that when they die. I don't have a set idea of what my God looks like. Or if there is a "look" even. I don't see him as having a body.
Joe    

I was joking Joe about he looked like God. I don't expect to see an old man with a beard when I die because I don't see God as possessing a form like we have.

sorry if I got snooty. the other thing which makes me think Alan's picture is the real deal, is Bet's posted something about white hair and a white beard as concerning Alan, and that gave me the idea she has been exchanging photos with Alan. Bets? is that the real Alan?

Alan is not talking. have to go behind his back and ask Bets then.
blessings to you Joe :)

The photo shows Ian McKellen as Gandalf in "The Lord Of The Rings". You people don't watch movies?
So maybe Alan should change his bottom line from "Take Care" into "Fly, you fools!"  :D (You'll understand when you've watched the movie).

Spooky

Heck!



Saints, maybe I AM God and you are just a figment of my colorful imagination, No this must be wrong you are the collective of God and I am just a construct of your imagination.

You can not be reading this because nobody wrote it.

and to make the whole enigma EVEN more difficult there are no letters on the page and you also don’t exist

We are all God and we are all not God at the same time

Who knows for sure

blue

red  

green


Have you ever had the experience while sleeping of jerking awake. I have this often some times almost leaving the bed. I have heard it is your soul reentering your body after going walkabout in the universe. The other the Hebrew message I posted just flashed into my mind, like on a huge movie screen. As I have a somewhat remarkable memory I wrote it down, I must find out what it means.

I can memorizes long strings of random numbers, recall nearly any biblical verse without having to open the bible , so if someone quoted incorrectly alarm bells ring

I can also calculate the square of any numbers faster than most people can do with a calculator. It has nothing to do with intelligence it is just an innate ability like being born a good swimmer. I was not a good student indeed I was a rebel with a cause

Take care,

Alan

Here is the translation

Spooky is right that old wizard is not me, but I lke him and will leave him there a little longer
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Creation

6 Then God said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters, and let it separate the waters from the waters.” 7 God made the expanse, and separated the waters which were below the expanse from the waters which were above the expanse; and it was so. 8 God called the expanse heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.

9 Then God said, “Let the waters below the heavens be gathered into
one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so. 10 God called the dry land earth, and the gathering of the waters He called seas; and God saw that it was good.

11 Then God said, “Let the earth sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees on the earth bearing fruit after their kind with seed in them”; and it was so.

12 The earth brought forth vegetation, plants yielding seed after their kind, and trees bearing fruit with seed in them, after their kind; and God saw that it was good. 13 There was evening and there was morning, a third day.

14 Then God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the heavens to separate the day from the night, and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years;

Why this would pop into my mind is a mystery

Take Care

Alan