Everyone keeps telling me to keep my chin up , that life well get better for me as i'm only 21

but my feeling is its not .

all i want is to be accepted and loved by people, is that to much to ask  :'(

At the moment i feel like there's a piece of me missing.

In a weeks time i'm off to Europe to trave around for a bit. All i keep asking myself is well it be the same for me over there.

hello Nick, this post is remarkably exactly like another post we had here a while back, are you the same young fellow whom we all advised either to stay home or go off to Europe?

I never found out what he decided. well, if you're not him, I apologize. go where your heart leads you. ah, youth is wasted on the young.
as far as being accepted and loved by people, it usually works what you put out you get that same measure back.

and those people who tell u life will get better? well, guess what? I'm 61. those people are telling you the truth. it will get better.

Hi Nick,

Sending out kindness and consideration from your heart, regardless of your heart's obstacles, is very effective.
Seeking out people who seem to have such kindness and consideration helps too.

I found that many European cities, with their pedestrian-friendly parkways and architecture etc have the effect of showing such kindness and consideration. If you are vacationing from a hectic or harried lifestyle here, I hope you'll seek and find a more humane environment there.

Expectations have a way of setting up reality, so if you could get rid of the feeling that it's not getting better, that would help.  ;)

Those are just surface suggestions because I don't know you below the relatively surface comments we've exchanged so far. If you would like to dialogue further, just keep in touch!

Have a great trip!
Bets

Hi Nick. I think the key is to keep on putting out  - as Bets says its the only answer.

Even when this is our intention we often through our own misreading of situations, the prejudices of others, the ups and down of life or unconscious behaviour patterns catch it in the ear hole.

We can react to this in different ways.

Some close in, harden and adopt protective behaviours like the macho/bullying thing, returning the compliment and so on.

Others in an attempt to make themselves 'lovable' start not being true to themselves, chasing money, success, big cars and so on.

But this sort of stuff can only deliver at best a short term illusion of happiness.

Others become professional victims. Still others slide in to self hate or despair.

The issue is usually that we've gotten suckered into seeing only a tiny fraction of ourselves and our situation, and this negatively. Upon which we then obsessively (but unconsciously) focus and build into a problem that dominates our whole awareness. We can get a little hung up on being 'unlovable' as a result of seeing only what we perceive as negative responses to ourselves. Because we're not necessarily seeing clearly or responding to reality and hold a distorted view it's easy to act in ways that worsen the problem.

The trouble is that since mind creates that's potentially what we bring into our lives.

You're at a tough time of life where for example we haven't necessarily dropped teenage ideas about popularity and the like, have not yet discovered (some never do) that deeper realities and a bigger picture are in play. Parental pressures and demands that we be what they want can still play a big part too.

As well as a change in scene that will provide some space, it might be worth thinking about trying some meditation, or working (lightly) with something the like the Monroe Institute's Compassion CD. Eckhardt Tolle's 'The Power of Now' is a good read too (book or CD audio book) on the ways we make ourselves unhappy, and how to break out of this.

The space meditation and a better understanding of the way things are provides enables us to see the picture in a more total way, to back out of this tunnel vision. To rediscover self love - we eventually realise that actually there's lots that's lovable, and more to the point that we're entitled to the freedom to find our way and to be ourselves.

Putting out loving behaviours regardless of what we get back is the key - put out love you get it back, put out the opposite and while you may be able to force an ersatz version of love for a while that's ultimately what you'll get back too.

Don't mind all the conventional wisdom that talks of having to be the man and so on - we need courage in spades all right, but only so that we can keep on putting out. Being honest enough with ourselves to keep on seeing and dealing with reality and not some mind made overlay.

Don't turn any spiritual path into another something to be achieved. 'Caring but not caring' is the key as is said in the old Zen saying.

It eventually comes right for almost all of us that make a real effort to make some space in our awareness (so that other perspectives may be considered), and drop unhelpful beliefs. We quietly come to realise that we've not been seeing reality at all, and with new sight comes the happy glow of being.

Life stays raw in places, but we somehow grow to become able to cope with this. There's actually a  feeling of 'rawness' (perhaps emotion that's just let be without the thinking mind rushing in to label it as anything in particular - and thus closing it down) that's often a characteristic sign that's there's opening going down.

Perhaps a consequence of some sort of quavery primordial fear that arises when the mental chatter that normally dominates is let die down, and we for once stand exposed to unvarnished reality - without the blather blinding our senses.

The prize of this 'seeing', of this dropping of our defences is of course the truer view of ourselves that results in the above glow...

Nick247 wrote on May 24^th, 2008 at 7:20pm:

Everyone keeps telling me to keep my chin up , that life well get better for me as i'm only 21 but my feeling is its not . Life is always what it is - what changes is our perspective, and our level of gratitude for what is. all i want is to be accepted and loved by people, is that to much to ask  :'( Never! At the moment i feel like there's a piece of me missing. Who you will be - you can feel that there is a "you" in the "distance" which you long for, but you have not yet reached the fullness of that person, who is also you. In a weeks time i'm off to Europe to trave around for a bit. All i keep asking myself is well it be the same for me over there. No, you will be immersed in a different culture, and that will change you, so above all, soak everything in.

To be a bit more specific Nick. While we have tendencies mind is actually remarkably malleable in regard of these sorts of issues. I'm speaking from experience.

But you need if you want to speed up the change a bit to start working on yourself. Meditation, study and working to raise your self awareness are  key.

There's lots of traditions teaching a variety of paths that work for different people. Don't lose hope if it's not instant, try and try again while staying light until you get something that clicks....

One of the big benefits of getting away from home is that you can be yourself. Exposure to very different  cultures forces us to drop our pernickety-ness to get by. What's common to all is often what matters in life...

Hi Nick What i can tell you is that you are great and unique in your own way and you are just as good as anyone else ,so hold your head up and look people straight in the face,i used to feel like you but then i realised one day that i was going to face the world head on,people can tell you keep your chin up but they are just trying to encouurage you to feel good about yourself but its not easy to do that if your feeling about yourself the way you are and the fact that you do not feel you are being accepted for who you are.

As you go through life,you will find negativity from some people as those people do exist in the world but then you will also find that there are some really great people out there what will be real friends and make you feel good about yourself,what it is we all have to find out who our true friends are ,everyday of your life will be discisions and trust and sometimes you will get your feelings hurt and you will feel joy  sadness resentment and all kinds of emotions through your life,this happens with everyone,people can make you feel like your not wanted or not accepted but if they do,then they are not worth bothering about,there just sad people.

Lifes the way you make it,so you want to think to your self ,i'm going to go on that holiday and i,m just as good as the next person and i,m going to hold my head up and have one hell of a great time,we all send you love on here Nick and so will the world out there if you give it that chance,lifes a challenge and we all have to take that challenge on.Whether we win or lose,its up to all of us in the end.

Love and God bless      love juditha

Hi vajra,

Are you really Irish?

bets

Yes Bets, although the family has only been in the country for 300yrs and might in some quarters be regarded as still having a slightly Anglo tinge...  ;)

Nick,

Your life is 99.99% in your hands and your responsibility. Smart choices will make your life better. Think before you act.


Your life is 99.99% in your hands and your responsibility. Smart choices will make your life better. Think before you act.

The events you can’t control even unpleasant ones, try to see them as challengers and learning, Life is a school from which you have to graduate

I know this as I am in the twilight of my life unlike you, be positive young man! shrug off this negativity, listen to humor, laugh, smile make jokes, "Don’t worry be happy" as the song goes.

alaalan

IMO, we are living in a time (time?) that requires growth, waking-up, remembering, or whatever you choose to call it, but we are not in the same world.  It can feel very challenging at times.  You are not alone.

Love,
SHSS   http://www.chrlen.ch/gl/images/smilies/band.gif

Oh No!
SHSS has started a rock band !
Lets change her name to Shhh!

Or we could introduce her to the musically inclined here--Spooky, Alysia, Dude,....
;)
Hear them now!  -- The Afterlife Aftons !

(What is an Afton?  as in   'flow gently, sweet Afton....'

Bets
Can I help write your lyrics?

LaffingRain wrote on May 24^th, 2008 at 7:55pm:

hello Nick, this post is remarkably exactly like another post we had here a while back, are you the same young fellow whom we all advised either to stay home or go off to Europe? I never found out what he decided. well, if you're not him, I apologize. go where your heart leads you. ah, youth is wasted on the young. as far as being accepted and loved by people, it usually works what you put out you get that same measure back. and those people who tell u life will get better? well, guess what? I'm 61. those people are telling you the truth. it will get better.

I'm that same fellow that posted a while about europe :)

well i've finally decided what i'm going to do.

I'm simply going to get on a bus to europe and disappear for a while and see what happens, and then i'll probably appear again or not :-/

Thanks for the kind words and advice everyone.

Ehhr, Nick?

About those bus tickets..... :-?  ?

Bets

betson wrote on Jun 3^rd, 2008 at 5:41pm:

Ehhr, Nick? About those bus tickets..... :-?  ? Bets

haha obviously i'm not just going to get on the bus like that, i'm going to book them tommorow  for the 19th and then see where life takes me.

There was a point today after lunch i was sitting here about to join the Army :o

glad i snapped out of that.

my good wishes go with you Nick. I hope u come back some day and see us. :)